Woman takes back mother-in-law's invitation to Christmas over snarky comment. AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to invite my mother-in-law to Christmas?"
My husband (27M) and I (25F) decided to host a big XMAS this year. We’ve never really done this and our family would just go separate ways after visiting us, so I was really excited. However, I’ve never had a good relationship with my MIL.
My husband wants us to get along but it’s just not possible - she’s ignorant and doesn’t have any boundaries. Of course, all these past few years we invited her to our house alongside our family, but as I said we never hosted an actual Christmas dinner/party at our home.
Anyway, I wanted to invite her this year, I really did (I wanted to make things work so we could all have a great time) and my husband found it super sweet and I was very happy. So, I called to invite her and she said “Oh! Finally, you make a GREAT decision! I think it’ll be your last one though!” and then proceeded to have a good laugh. I was very surprised and not in a good way.
I told my husband what happened and he just laughed it off, saying stuff like ‘she’s just like that.' I said I didn’t want to invite her into our home anymore and he freaked. When he was sleeping, I sent her a very polite message saying we want a closer group to come to our Christmas dinner and that it’s not a good idea for her to come.
She didn’t see it yet, and here I am writing this. I don’t think that it’s okay for her to talk to me like that and then expect to still be invited. What do you think?
UPDATE:
She answered. She told me that she thinks it was rude that I uninvited her, but that she’ll “let it pass." My husband woke up and I told him about it, he got mad because I didn’t tell him but said that if I felt uncomfortable with her at the XMAS party, that I should’ve told him (I did, as I said before, but he dismissed it).
I said that I cannot put up with her anymore and he just made a few snarky comments at me (like “just ignore it”) then went to work. I feel really bad because no one understands having to put up with these raging remarks because there have been so many and I have just ignored them - I cannot anymore. I’m glad she is uninvited and that she took it well, but I just don’t know what to do know.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
snarkness_monster said:
"She's just like that." Translation: RUDE, but we all just deal with it, and so should you. This is the classic way to describe difficult personalities that aren't going to change. Also, she's wrong. Your GREAT idea was uninviting her. I'm betting the holiday spirit won't move you to invite her in the future. NTA.
ColdstreamCapple said:
YTA. Mainly because rather than talk to your husband and get a game in plan of how to handle the MIL now you’ve further antagonised her and given her more reason to play the victim.
missdeb99912 said:
YTA. You invited her knowing how she is. She also said something super vague and weird and like nothing directly rude toward you. Then you’re telling her you want a “closer group?” She’s literally your mother in law. You opened up a can of worms.
SomeoneYouDontKnow70 said:
YTA. This is your husband's party, too, and you already invited her. Rescinding the invitation because she made a dumb joke is tacky. Know what I think? I think that this won't be an issue next year because you're going to drive your husband away with shenanigans like these, and he'll be celebrating Christmas in a different house.
lmchatterbox said:
YTA only because you aren’t working with your husband to find a solution or fix anything, you’re just making a big dramatic stand about a rather insignificant comment. This is not a solution. This is pouring gasoline on the fire.
Icy_Pass2220 said:
YTA. The time for you to address the comment is when it’s made, not behind your husband’s back later on. Why didn’t you say something when she made the comment?
People who act like that do so because they haven’t had consequences for their bad behavior. She treats you like this because you’re not pushing back and clearly your husband isn’t either. In other words, you allow the behavior.
Rescinding the invitation is going to come back to bite you. And this cycle is now your life. Congrats! You’ve likely made this worse now… because you’re not willing to address it and stand up for yourself and your husband clearly doesn’t care either.