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Mom takes recovering teen away from her dad's house after his partner wouldn't make her tea. AITA?

Mom takes recovering teen away from her dad's house after his partner wouldn't make her tea. AITA?

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"AITA for taking my daughter away and telling my ex I expect him to support me financially while I look after her because his partner wouldn't make her tea?"

I (35f) have a daughter "Kelly" (16f) with my ex husband "Josh"(37m). We separated when Kelly was 10. Since then Josh got married again to "Lily"(30s f). Kelly mostly stays with me but also have her own room at Josh's house, which is significantly bigger then mine.

It is important to note Kelly is not really a picky eater and usually cooks for herself as she enjoys cooking and trying new things. However she is very particular about how she wants her hot drinks done, like hot chocolate with milk only and no water or tea without any milk or sugar as she collects different types and feels adding milk or sugar ruins it.

Now unfortunately Kelly had to go through an operation and currently can't move by herself and needs help. Josh suggested to have her stay at his house as he has more room and Lily can look after Kelly while he is at work since she is a housewife (they don't have any children together).

Lily also agreed it will be for the best. Both me and Kelly went with the plan as I won't be able to be with her 24/7 due to my work and lack of cover and I won't be able to afford being off work for long as I have to pay for her operation alongside with other medical bills.

It was a week on Friday since Kelly was staying with Josh and Lily and I would spend time with her in the evenings, when Kelly called me and asked me to take her home. I asked what is wrong and she told me Lily kept messing with her drinks or serving her drinks she can't have (like coffee due to her meds).

When my daughter tried to raise it with her Lily said if Kelly doesn't like it she can make her own, knowing perfectly well my daughter is currently bed bound. I took her home and have told my ex I am expecting him to cover the medical bills and some of my expenses since Lily failed to do her job and her treatment of Kelly. I have refused to give her a second chance despite Josh asking me to and was called an ahole by him and my in laws.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

NidorinoBeano said:

NTA. "Lily kept messing with her drinks or serving her drinks she can't have (like coffee due to her meds)." Er that's creepy! Try and find out more about this like what she means by messing with them.

twittermob said:

YTA - sounds like your daughter is a little princess and you don't like the fact your ex has a bigger house than you which you make a point of and his wife doesn't have to work, you specifically mentioned they don't have any children together after saying she was a housewife.

Putting milk and sugar in tea is hardly a criminal offence and she made her coffee by mistake, hardly the end of the world. If you're unhappy with your current financial arrangement then say that, using your daughter's current state to get back at him financially is very poor behavior.

issy_haatin said:

YTA. She doesn't like her tea, that someone is making for her a certain way. Like seriously? How much pampering does a 16y old need? If she's thirsty she drinks it, if she isn't she can just let it be. Being a tea snob is not the priority when you're bed bound.

All the other stuff you start mentioning after the fact also points more towards spoiled princess than reasonable problems. Stepmom takes 5-10 minutes to come over when called? Yeah i mean she's not a PA, she's doing things in the house, not sitting right by the bed. Maybe you and your ex should have taught her better to read her body.

Chocolate milk not being made from freshly milked cow and ground coco beans is just being a pita. Sure water based instant isn't as great, but not lethal. The way this reads is: stepmom has a coffee/tea/chocolate machine using cups/pads and she uses that instead of using a kettle. She accidentally used a coffee pad once, and the teas all have some extras in it.

I-hear-the-coast said:

NTA. Okay so the coffee thing and the no water thing is my determining factors. If you give someone meds, you need to give them water. It’s not recommended to dry swallow pills because it’s not good for your throat anyway. And if your daughter cannot dry swallow at all, why is she bringing her pills but no water.

Second with the coffee thing. Your daughter is obviously not requesting coffee. She does not drink coffee normally and she is not allowed to drink coffee with her meds. Who gives someone coffee without them asking for it. I don’t drink coffee and have never been given coffee because I don’t ask for it. That’s really weird.

The tea thing is odd as well. I love tea. Drink a lot of tea and all my friends drink a lot of tea. I’ve never made their tea wrong because it’s pretty easy to recall what I just asked them. All she has to do is add in the tea bag, wait, take out tea bag. Repeatedly making the tea wrong is odd. It sounds to me that Lily doesn’t want to care for Kelly and is just doing weird minor things to make her complain.

bgreen134 said:

YTA - you focused on the drinks, talking only about the drinks in the original post, than when people question how big of a deal it is, you response is “well she (stepmom) isn’t taking her to the bathroom fast enough either.”

Nobody is going to take care of your daughter as good as her own mother. Sound like step mom isn’t doing a prefect job, messing up drink instructions and such. But it seems you’re almost expecting her to stay at bedside constantly, jumping at every request.

And if she not preformed every task correctly or fast enough you’re complaining. So the stepmother is taking her to the bathroom, helping bath her, feeding her, and serving her drinks on demand, but god forbid she keeps messing up the drink order!?!? She taking care of your daughter, who she has no obligation too, but she’s probably not doing it perfectly, but certainly not neglectfully.

You make the decision that you would take better care of her, which is probably true. But demanding your ex pay for you time taking care of your own kids - that ridiculous.

At the end of the day, stepmom was going you a favor. You and your daughter didn’t like how she was preforming tasks so you decided to no longer use her. That’s fine, but then you cannot demand money for care for your own daughter, who you would have care for anyways.

Neither_Bookkeeper48 said:

YTA. Not allowing her to fix the problem? YTA. Expecting him to pay when you are her parent? YTA. Sounds to me like you were just waiting for an opportunity.

The opinions were divided for this one, but most people felt like everyone involved was at fault (except for the teenager, of course.) What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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