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Woman 'tears apart' friend in public for shaming her BF for crying, 'she hasn't spoken to me since.' AITA?

Woman 'tears apart' friend in public for shaming her BF for crying, 'she hasn't spoken to me since.' AITA?


"AITA for tearing my friend apart in front of people for saying that her boyfriend 'shouldn’t cry?'"

I was having a girls night/dinner with a few friends last week and the conversation came around to relationships. My friend has been dating this guy for two years and he is really sweet. They have been having issues for a little while. I love my friend but this is her first serious relationship and she doesn’t seem to understand that relationships can be complex and things aren’t always going to be perfect. She often complains about the fact that he always wants to spend time with her, isn’t manly enough, can be clingy and doesn’t go out as much as she would like him to.

Her points are fair, these things come down to personal preference. The issue is that she is always dragging him down in front of us. She doesn’t ever seem to have anything nice to say about him and generally doesn’t treat him that well. He is madly in love with her and so he often doesn’t stand up for himself. I feel bad for him but I also try to empathize with my friend since she doesn’t have much experience with dating.

Last week, she was going on another rant about him but this time it was completely ridiculous. He had just lost his job and went over to her house to spend some time with her. Halfway through their hangout he started tearing up because he didn’t know what he was going to do and still had student loans to pay off. She started saying how frustrating it was to deal with him that day and that he was “too sensitive” and men “shouldn’t cry like that." She went on to say how much of a turn off it was and that she couldn’t look at him the same anymore.

I told her that she was being extremely unreasonable and that everyone should be allowed to express their emotions, especially after a bad day. I told her that it’s women like her that have created the mental health epidemic in men and that if she wanted a “real” man she could go find some ahole on tinder instead.

My other friends were dead silent. She was extremely frustrated with me. She was passive with me the whole night and didn’t even hug me when we said bye. None of my friends have brought it up and she hasn’t spoken to me since last week. AITAH for telling her off in front of our friends?


I’m a lesbian so I’ve had a lot of male friends growing up. I’ve seen firsthand that men can be equally as emotional as women. I’ve only been in relationships with women so I’ve always treated my partner as an equal (mentally, emotionally and financially) and I never understood why hetero relationships should be any different.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

The_Crown_And_Anchor said:

NTA. Are you sure you want to keep being friends with this woman?

Legitimate-Wheel-507 said:

NTA and it honestly warms my heart to read not only what you've said but also all the people supporting men's right to express their emotions without being judged. Thanks to you OP for your compassion and thanks to everyone who is supporting you and supporting men in their right and need to express their emotions in a safe non judgemental atmosphere.

Polarbones said:

NTA. Thank you for standing up for him! This is important. We have to stop allowing male toxicity from ourselves and our friends if we’re ever going to get anywhere good. Men should be able to express the emotions that they’re having, as should we. We are all humans, and humans have emotions and feelings for a reason It in the ignoring of those emotions, the derision (like it’s not an everyone thing), the name calling etc that causes many of the problems we’re seeing in our society, and complain about!! So yeah! Good job well done!

Historical-State-275 said:

Nope. NTA. You did the right thing. When she’s crying about how she can’t find a good man, feel free to remind her.

Dry-Measurement-8425 said:

NTA - As a man who went through almost the exact situation with his ex-wife. Your friend sounds like a b--h. She just needs to break up with him and go find a "manlier" man to give her what she wants rather than sit there and lead this guy on so she can use him as a f-ing door mat. Despicable woman in my opinion. One thing to have a preference a completely other thing to just stick with the dude and continuously ridicule and belittle him.

Boring_Pace5158 said:

NTA, you're absolutely right about guys aren't allowed to be vulnerable, especially in front of our partners. Also, regardless of gender, you do not bad mouth your partner to other people. If she has problems with her bf, she can tell you in a respectful way with the intent of using your feedback to make the relationship better.

PennsylvaniaDutchess said:

NTA. You're 100% right and it was about damn time she heard how ridiculous she's been being and how messed up her views are. People like her are why we have such a nasty toxic masculinity problem in this world. Men should be able to be vulnerable, feel their emotions, and process them in a safe, loving, healthy environment. Can't look at her boyfriend the same way because he was upset and cried in front of her?

She needs to sit ALL the way down with that. Seriously. Were I in your shoes all the times prior she was slamming on him for the AUDACITY of wanting to be with her or being more of a homebody I'd have seriously asked her straight up "Do you even like this dude? Because it really doesn't sound like it." The kindest thing she could do would be to break up with him so he could find somebody that could actually care and appreciate him as a human being and doesn't want to change him so he's more "manly" (whatever tf that means).

This has NOTHING to do with her inexperience with dating and everything to do with her god awful personality. Honestly I'd consider her silence a gift and phase her right out of my life. You're better off without a 'friend' like her that is so superficial and toxic. Not sure how old y'all are but if I was basing it off of how your friend acts/thinks? I'd guess she's between 13 and 16 because her attitude is 100% Playskool-level kid sh$t.

Rowana133 said:

NTA. I hope her bf wakes up and smells her toxicity and leaves her...he deserves better.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for these "friends?"

Sources: Reddit
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