Woman tells aunt; 'Your miscarriage DOESN'T make you special.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my aunt her miscarriage doesn’t make her special?"

I(18F) have an aunt(48F) recently had a miscarriage. My sister(12F) has been really hyped up about her 13th birthday this July, I admit it’s far away from now but she’s turning into a teen so I can see why all the enjoyment.

Today I came home from school to find my sister in tears (Her school isn’t open right now) when I asked her what’s wrong she said our aunt had said that she wasn’t special and that its irritating hearing her talk about it and that she is being selfish.

My aunts baby was supposed to be born the same day as my sister and I know it must be hard for her but I got mad that she would say that to a little girl so I went in there to confront her.

I asked my aunt what made her think she could do that and she said she just had a miscarriage and to leave her alone, I told her just because she had a miscarriage doesn’t mean she gets to treat every kid with the same birthday like sh!t, she got mad and yelled that she was hurting, this maybe the part where I’m the AH...

I told her that I get she’s hurting but she’s also not special and that her problems don’t mean that she can lash out and be a b&ch to everyone else. My aunt left crying calling me an AH. Now people in my family are saying the same and only a few are on my side. AITA?

Edit: For any one asking when was the miscarriage I honestly have no idea, we aren’t that close and she never actually revealed when she miscarried, we just know she did.

Let's see what readers thought:

frowna8upo writes:

YTA. She lost a child, and recently. She is hurting and you used the lose to hurt her. You could have approached her about how upset your sister is without doing what you did. Major AH. Just because your aunt handled it badly, doesn't mean you get to be horrid person.

So are your parents. They should have spoken to your sister and asked her to to E it down around your aunt. Frankly, they should have told her it's ok to be excited but no one wants to hear about it constantly even without the additional emotional issues.

faccwet writes:

I wasn't a scheduled c, but was also evicted on my due date. For years my mom blamed me for the c until my dad finally told her that her pulse was out of control (nearing 200) and the doctors were afraid of losing both of us.

NTA btw. I don't think I would have worded it quite that way but just because you are grieving that doesn't give you the right to be horrible to your family.

My cousin lost her son (first child) when she was 6-7 months pregnant. I remember how devastated she was and had such a hard time talking about him.

They had a funeral and her freaking sister in law had the nerve to bring her 7 month old son with her because her in laws were there for their daughter and she didn't want to leave him with anyone else even though her older kids were in their teens and could have watched him. They also only loved a block or 2 away.

shoebelieve writes:

YTA. So your aunt's problems don't give her license to lash out at someone, but your problems do?

Its not that you have to accept your aunt's behavior, you don't. But to confront her with the same anger and- frankly - disrespect only make you the same AH that she is.

What your aunt did was uncool and at some level, STA. But if that is the case, what you did was also uncool. This kind of eye for an eye, they deserved it thing that we use to justify the same bad behavior we see in others really needs to stop.

That whole "treat other people as we want to be treated thing". That is totally on us as individuals, its has nothing to do which how we are actually treated.

throwa6 writes:

NTA, it’s one thing to be hurting over such a loss, but to take it out on a 12 year old who’s excited to be a teenager and grow up is not acceptable. Your aunt is clearly grieving, but it doesn’t give her the right to take it out on a child. Tell her to take that literally anywhere else.

Also just because that was her due date, doesn’t mean the baby would’ve actually been born that exact day. Babies can come early or later. Usually due dates are estimations of when they will actually come. You did good standing up for your sister.

courst writes:

YTA imagine having a miscarriage at 48, maybe your last chance to have a baby, maybe it cost a lot to get to this point. The due date was the same day as your niece’s birthday and right after the loss, she decides she is going to start a countdown for the next 6 months, what would have been the rest of the pregnancy and the birth.

I know your sister is young but you could do her a solid and have a word with her about how inappropriate it is to bang on about her birthday this far out from it, in the context of what’s happened to your cousin.

I would hardly expect your aunt to be able to have tact in this moment, you can explain your aunt is not being her best self, her behaviour is wrong but her pain is what’s causing her to lash out. This is clear. She even told you.

visgion writes:

Hey OP and thank you for defending your younger sister. You are NTA and I am so sorry you went into sister bear mode so you what you had to do. What your aunt did to her is very mean and horrible. What does aunt gain by being a bully to a young kid?

OP, do not feel bad and don't those people who side with aunt make you feel you are a baddie here. Your aunt owes you and sister a big apology. She needs to speak to a therapist and her hurting for how many years is not a licence for her to be mean to your sister.

OP moving forward you focus on keeping sister safe and happy. Tell her that you will not allow aunt to be bully and tell your sister how much she means so much to you, your parents and her friends.

Perhaps help her plan up a her 13th birthday by getting her to celebrate with you and some of her close and trusted friends (be her aunt wrangler in case your aunt decides to try and gatecrash a 13th birthday to ruin everything).

tnginger writes:

Mixed feelings about this: YTA for being downright mean for what you said about the miscarriage. I’ve lost 3, and even though you get through it, it’s still part of who you are and you never quite get over it.

Your body still thinks it’s pregnant for a while even after the miscarriage/DNC, and those hormones are HELL She is grieving in her own way, even if you think she should just snap out of it.

BUT…you’re NTA as she probably shouldn’t be as talkative to young kids (you’re still a “kid”, kind of) about her experience. She should have just said “I won’t be able to attend” and leave it at that. You and your sister are not old enough to take on the burden of something like losing a baby.

So, like I said…mixed feelings. Try showing her a little grace and forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness isn’t about the other person at all…it’s about helping you move past what you believed should have happened and didn’t.