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Woman tells best friend she's 'stupid' for wanting to get pregnant right now. AITA?

Woman tells best friend she's 'stupid' for wanting to get pregnant right now. AITA?


"AITA for telling my best friend she’s stupid for wanting to get pregnant right now?"

I (27f) and my best friend (27f) have been friends for over 6 years now. Throughout this time, she’s always been with the same guy, and they actually just recently got married.

For back story, her husband spent over 8 months unemployed in 2023 and actually just got a new job within the past month. This caused them to have to move in with her father ~4months ago because they couldn’t afford their bills on her income and his unemployment - they also wanted to take it as a chance to build their savings in the hope of buying a home after a year.

My friend and her father have always been extremely close and he is probably the most important person to her. Recently, she’s mentioned having a child and the biggest reason she mentions is, “it’s so important to my dad to be a grandpa. He’s getting old, I want them to have as much time as possible” etc.

While I don’t believe this is a good reason to decide to have a child, it’s just the tip of the iceberg considering their horrible financial situation and overall relationship issues which I won’t go too much in to (she had to give him an ultimatum to propose for one).

A couple weeks ago, I get the excited message that she decided to remove her IUD and hopes to be pregnant within a couple months. My jaw dropped. “While you still live with your dad?? You have no savings yet??” All she had to say is that they will figure it out and it will be fine.

I’m totally floored. She said there’s no time to waste, her dad is getting older etc. even after I asked if it wouldn’t be smarter to just wait a single year to get themselves in a better situation. Her dad’s house is cramped and in need of several repairs frankly, plus how will they get savings built after a baby arrives when they are struggling already??

I was totally honest with her as well if she thinks her and her husband are in a good place in their relationship to be considering this… She said I put a damper on her excitement and honestly hurt her by saying it would be stupid not to wait a year if not longer. AITAH??

-TLDR: I told my friend that is in a bad financial situation it would be stupid to not wait a year to have a child

-EDIT: her dad is close to 70, works full time, and isn’t wealthy- he will not be helping in any way with childcare or bills from the sound of it. We’ve always given each other advice/called each other a dumbass for poor decisions like me taking back an ex for example.

I went back to read my exact words and said to her it’s dumb to purposefully plan to get pregnant given the circumstances and asked why waiting until next year doesn’t make more sense. I won’t make any more remarks to her about it, I told her I will help with the baby shower if and when it happens etc, and will just sit back and see how the cards fall.

-EDIT again: just adding on her husband’s job is not nearly enough to support them alone since some have asked- she would absolutely have to still work a full time job to keep them afloat. I’m pretty positive he knows about the IUD removal although he’s never voiced desire for children in front of me at least.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

lakelifeasinlivin said:

You said your peace now drop it - people will ignore at their own peril when they want to move forward with bad decisions.

Emmyhere88 said:

Your concern is valid. Saying your concern once is all that is necesarry and appropriate here. Don't push it any further as it ultimately is her business and decision to make. You've said what needs to be said.

dirtyhippie62 said:

NTA. They’re not making a responsible decision. It’s gonna wreck them. Not your circus, not your monkeys. The one benefit of doing it at dad’s house though is that they get free childcare. So that’s a huge plus.

But that’s about the only positive there is. And it’s not enough to compensate for the marriage-imploding effect this kid is gonna have on them. Stand by for demise, OP. Get ready to comfort her in a couple years.

SweetNSourCat said:

NTA. I would assume you told her this because you care. If you didn’t you’d say nothing while they dig themselves into a deeper hole. It’s easier to see things like this from the outside but next time you’ll probably need to keep your opinions to yourself if she can’t handle blunt truths.

yetzhragog said:

NTA, part of being a good friend is sometimes saying the hard truth your friend may not want to hear. Also having to give an ultimatum for an engagement is never a good sign! Rocky relationship + baby = divorce.

I guarantee that part of your friend thinks that having a baby will bring her and her husband closer together but statistically that's just not the case. If you don't have a solid foundation and commitment a baby is the earthquake that will topple your structure.

sexualsermon said:

I don’t think you’re an AH but at the end of the day, your friend is going to do what she wants to do, whether you approve or not. Best thing you can do as a friend is to support her.

The opinions were slightly divided for this one. What's your advice for these friends?

Sources: Reddit
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