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Woman tells BF to order 'whatever he wants' for dinner, gets upset with his choice. AITA?

Woman tells BF to order 'whatever he wants' for dinner, gets upset with his choice. AITA?


"AITA for telling my boyfriend to order 'whatever he wants' for dinner, then getting upset with his choice?"

I (20F) have been dating this guy (28M) for about 7 months. I'm not a picky eater at all, but I am allergic to shellfish. He knows that.

When deciding what to eat I told him he could pick, and he ordered shrimp scampi for two. I was annoyed because I can't eat that, and he got defensive because I told him it was his choice and that's what he chose.

I didn't think I had to specify "You can pick something for us, but we both have to be able to eat it." I thought that was implied, why order food for someone knowing they can't eat it? But he thinks 'whatever' means 'whatever' and that it's my fault. AITA?


Just to clarify, we always take turns deciding where to eat / where to order, and we eat together a lot so we know what the other person likes / doesn't eat.

We usually decide for outselves like "you want to order from X place? Get me Y" But at times we just have the other person order, like if one of us is running late or busy with something else. I was in the shower when he told me he was ordering Italian, so I just yelled for him to pick something.

He's aware I can't eat shellfish, and he's aware shrimp are shellfish, and he was aware he was ordering for me as well since he got 2 portions.

I'm sorry if it wasn't clear, we take turns picking where to eat, we don't (usually) order for each other, but we have if the other person was late/ busy.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Zoe2805 said:

He's either an idiot or an AH. Whatever he wants automatically includes "but doesn't potentially kill me." Don't know how severe your allergy is. If it's not that bad, ordering that for himself would be OK, but to order that for you is either stupid or was to provoke you. Maybe start by figuring out which one. NTA.

bigpicklewater said:

You might feel like you’re mature for dating a 28 year old, but the reason why he is dating a 20 year old is because he is so immature he can’t find a partner close in age. move on before it gets a whole lot worse. NTA.

booksandmints said:

NTA. Yes, when ordering for two it’s normal to be considerate of the other person. You don’t have to specify that. He knows you’re allergic to shellfish…so he ordered shellfish. What?! What was he expecting you to do, pretend your shellfish allergy doesn’t exist?

Cursd818 said:

NTA. Is he trying to kill you? Because that's what it sounds like. Or he was being greedy and thought he'd get two protions to himself and the credit of trying. Either way, he's a massive AH who willingly endangered your health. People who do that are not good partners.

SoodieSundays said:

NTA. What a weird thing to get defensive over. You said I could choose, so I chose something that can make you sick, and I’m gonna stick with that??? For him to order it and then on top of that get defensive vs apologize, like any emotionally intelligent human would do when they find out someone has an allergy, that’s a huge red flag.

Like this isn’t a topic or you not enjoying pizza. He’s 28, he’s capable he must be capable of understanding what an allergy is and possible outcomes if contaminated. At 28, he should have some reasoning skills to understand and apologize. Instead he got defensive. 7 months, I’d be out. I would not be putting my life in this persons hands. No sex is that good.

beliefinphilosophy said:

Let's not ignore the fact that this is a grown a** man. At 28, being this immature and manipulative after 7 months. Don't waste another breath on this man. NTA.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

Sources: Reddit
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