Woman tell's bride's 17-year-old sister that the wedding 'isn't about her.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my friend's sister that my friend's wedding is not about her?"
My (25f) close friend Robin (23f) just got engaged to her long term partner a few weeks ago. Her partner (24M) asked me for some help with setting up the proposal and the whole thing was lovely. Since then they have been having a look at Pinterest for color schemes and venues, but no actual planning yet.
For a little background on Robins' sisters (17f and 25f), they can be a little much. Robin has always been the quietest one of the 3 and while she get's along fine with them, I wouldn't say they're super close.
Her sisters can sometimes say or do things that are a little out of line, and they just expect Robin to accept it and not say anything. I have met the younger sister before, and she does seem to expect things to go her own way.
Now my husband and I were at Robin's house a few days after their engagement and her younger sister stopped by quickly with her boyfriend. She was talking about the wedding and said something along the lines of "well we all know it's mostly going to be about me anyway."
She said it quite straight faced and while I figured she was probably joking, I knew she'd made comments like this in the past that had upset Robin. So I said back 'I think your sisters wedding will be about her, not you.' I definitely meant this as a joke, and thought I had used a joking tone. She left shortly after.
I've since found out she was quite angry at my comment, and has told her mum and oldest sister. Robin knows it was a joke, and has said she actually appreciated me standing up for her.
Her sisters however now don't want me involved in any aspect of the wedding planning, and have said it should "really be a family thing anyway." Some of her other family have commented I was harsh and that she's "just a kid."
In my eyes, it was intended as a joke but also I think 17 is old enough to know what may be an inappropriate thing to say, and understand that her comment hurt her sister's feelings. I'm starting to feel bad though, so AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
chickeemeow12 said:
NTA- oh your comment about the wedding being about the bride and not the younger sister hurt the younger sisters feelings? Boo hoo. Your friend has probably been dealing with this for years.
Hopefully the younger sister doesn’t try to get engaged or pregnant in order to announce it at your friends wedding. Tbh your friend needs to stand up for herself in front of her family before younger sister tanks her day.
Tangerine_Bouquet said:
Well, if her statement was a joke, so was yours. As hers really wasn't, neither was yours, but she has no excuse for her obviously ridiculous statement. NTA either way. Be as involved as your friend--the bride--wants you to be. Everyone else can and should piss off.
Nester1953 said:
NTA and as you said it’s your friend’s day. She can choose who helps her.
Miiesha said:
Nta. They only don’t want you involved because you have a backbone and won’t let them destroy your friend’s day without a fight. Hopefully your friend makes you the maid of honor instead of caving, so you can beat off the sisters and mother with a stick when they try to take over everything.
l3ex_G said:
Nta saying that a wedding is about the bride shouldn’t be controversial. Sounds like your friend should look into eloping.