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Woman tells brother's widow she won't leave husband to take her on a trip to France.

Woman tells brother's widow she won't leave husband to take her on a trip to France.


Losing a family member is never easy. It's important to seek help from hired professionals, friends, and family when needed. But it also doesn't mean everyone has to give you everything you want.

On a popular Reddit thread in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, a woman wonders if she's wrong for not taking her widowed SIL on vacation instead of her husband.

She writes:

I (F28) have been friends with Brittany (F28) since we were about five or six, and we are very close to this day. As part of having a friendship with me, she was around my brother (M, who would be 30) quite a lot as children, and their romance blossomed as teenagers. They got married five years ago.

Unfortunately, my brother passed in a tragic accident two years ago and left a mountain of debt for Brittany. She was eight months pregnant then and ended up moving in with my parents. She and her daughter, Lilac (2F), live with my parents to this day, and the family alternate watching Lilac so Brittany can get her degree. Everyone has rallied around Brittany during such a trying time.

For Christmas, my husband (M30) bought an all-inclusive trip for him and me to explore Paris and have a romantic getaway. I have always had France on my wish list, and I am grateful to him for such a wonderful gift. We leave in February for two weeks, a dream come true.

I told my parents about the gift, and they then told Brittany, who called me in floods of tears, asking that I take her instead of my husband. She said that she would never be able to experience a romantic getaway like that with her own husband and that we (my husband and I) could go again at another time.

She said she gave up everything to raise Lilac and would love for us to have a girls' trip like we did when we were younger.

I told Brittany that that was not possible, this was a gift from my husband to me, and I fully expected to have a romantic getaway with him. Brittany told me that I was punishing her for being a widow and that it was unfair I would have a 'love affair in Paris' while she cried at my brother's grave.

My husband thinks she is trying to make me feel guilty but said he would step out of the trip if I wanted to take Brittany. The thing is that I want to go with my husband, but my parents have since called to tell me that they would watch Lilac and that I should not rub my happy marriage in Brittany's face. My mom told me I would be selfish to leave a grieving widow over Valentine's Day. Am I an AH?

The internet will not hold back.

Mobile_Prune_3207 says:

NTA (Not the A**hole). That's such an unreasonable request; frankly, if that's how she feels, she should be going for therapy. You're not throwing your marriage in her face; you're celebrating your marriage between you and your husband.

Pure-Relationship125 says:

OMG, what is wrong with the people around you? If you and your husband were dating now, and he gave you a ring and proposed, would she expect to be the one he married? Because, after all, she doesn’t have a husband anymore.

I understand how difficult it has been for her. It’s a sad story. But you guys are doing all you can to help her. I can’t even believe she would ask you to do that. I think she’s wallowing in self-pity a little too much, or maybe she’s just not thinking clearly. But it was a ridiculous request, and there’s no way in hell you should honor it.

Your parents should also know better. I don’t understand what they’re thinking! A trip to Paris is not cheap. It’s not like you’re going to the local beach and you can afford to go there next year too. It was a gift from your husband to you. Go with your husband and tell the rest that you should try to save for another trip and then you and her can go together maybe next year.

Yes, she lost her husband, but you lost your brother. I’m sure you could also use a little happiness in your life. Go to Paris. Do not feel guilty. Enjoy the hell out of yourselves. The rest of them will get over it. If not, they’re not very good friends/family.

BarrySnowbama says:

NTA. Tell your parents to take her and Lilac on a trip if they feel sorry for her.

Sources: Reddit
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