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Woman tells her cousin the truth about his relationship problems, 'he's dating an AI girlfriend.' UPDATED

Woman tells her cousin the truth about his relationship problems, 'he's dating an AI girlfriend.' UPDATED

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"AITA for telling my cousin he doesn’t have a shot at dating women because he’s dating an AI girlfriend?"

My cousin (25M) has been obsessing over “AI girlfriends” and trashing real women. To be specific, he seems to have an app where he talks with an AI girl like some sort of tinder conversation where the robot knows who he is. To be honest, he doesn’t have the best looks.

Despite being 25, he has a double chin, he’s overweight (not severely but still), and he looks like a homeless bum. I’d be fine with all that if he didn’t offend me, but he always starts conversations with me that piss me off.

So for context, I recently started dating someone I met coincidentally. I haven’t really brought him around my family yet since we’ve just started going out, but ever since my cousin found out, he’s been complaining to other family members about how girls like me are too difficult to date and aren’t worth it.

I mean, he’s entitled to his own opinions but I don’t know how to say it but he keeps on demeaning me specifically, as he keeps on mentioning me when demeaning girls. Well, I couldn’t really do anything so I just ignored him.

That was until yesterday, where my extended family came over for a meal. We were all eating and chatting, when all of a sudden he started talking about me, and how girls like me never date guys like him. I know, it’s not really something immensely annoying, but at the moment, I felt disgusted.

I really tried to keep my opinion to myself, but I got fed up and said something like, “Maybe if you didn’t stay cooped up at home dating AI women, you’d have a shot at real women.” I honestly didn’t mean to offend him, but I was just pissed that it slipped out of my mouth.

The whole family (my side and extended family) were there, and I know that it was the wrong time, but I think someone had to say it. However, he called me names and stormed off outside. Now, his side of the family is furious with me, saying I went too far and embarrassed him.

I agree that I did embarrass him, but honestly I think someone had to say it. When I tried saying that, my aunt looked at me like I was some demon spawn, so I just excused myself.

Maybe AITA, but I’m curious about other people's opinion. AITA? Also a personal question is, is it wrong for me to feel disgusted? I mean, it’s not like he’s doing anything wrong, but whenever he talks about stuff like this I just feel uncomfortable. Also, I just don’t like being derogatorily (is that a word) treated. Any opinion is welcome.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

TallTacoTuesdayz said:

NTA. Don’t worry about trying to make incels feel good. Their whole worldview is built on self pity and delusion. He’s just projecting his failure onto you and it’s creepy and rude.

One-Department1551 said:

NTA, 25 acting like a boy, your family needs to remember he’s an adult.

melympia said:

NTA. So in his tiny little mind (and those of his side of the family), it's totally okay for him to trash-talk you for no reason whatsoever, but not for you to return the favor for a good reason? Guess what? They're all hypocrites. If you cannot avoid contact, start talking back as soon as your absolutely favorite cousin starts his incel spiel, and ask him loudly if his AI girlfriend put him up to it.

HoshiJones said:

NTA. His family should be more concerned that he's parroting incel bullshit from the toxic manosphere.

Friendly_Gazelle_119 said:

NTA. Though the timing and harshness could have been toned down, it was right to defend yourself, especially when it's a very repeated offense. Ngl, reading between the lines, it sounds like you've got your life together a lot more than this guy, who, very clearly to everyone, doesn't.

That might be why the family is being harder on you. It's almost like picking on a mentally disabled person. They also probably don't have the added context that he's been heckling you like that for a while now and refuses to stop. It's not just a one-time thing.

fidelesetaudax said:

NTA. Ask your family why HE was not going too far and embarrassing you with his constant demeaning attitude and comments. They can admit he was, or offer same lame excuse. If they offer the lame excuse then repeat that exact same excuse to them for your response.

AccessibleBeige said:

NTA, and I think his family coddling him and overprotecting him from being "embarrassed" is exactly why he can't function in the real world. I hope they're prepared to look after him forever, because every year further into adulthood he gets, the less likely he is to ever change.

UPDATE:

In the post, I didn’t give you guys the most context, but here’s our relationship: I used to be sympathetic towards him, and I would sometimes get him nice gifts during christmas. He likes a game called “Genshin Impact” so I got him some of the in-game currency in the game last christmas.

However, he would always hang around uncomfortably close to me, and also “accidentally” touch me sometime. I always shook it off. But it was when he started demanding that I do certain stuff.

Well, it wasn’t demanding but he’d always want me to tie my hair in a ponytail for some reason. Or wear certain colors. He would say “you should do this” and look at me in a way that made me uncomfortable, so I started distancing myself from him subconsciously.

Then, a few months ago, I started dating my boyfriend. He’s a sweet guy, and he’s my very first official relationship. The thing is, I preferred being single but he changed my perspective on relationships which is why he’s my first. Anyways, I only told my immediate family but at the next family gathering, everyone seemed to know. I don’t know who told them, but it was too late.

At the family meeting, he seemed unusually close to me. He made rude remarks, which he hasn’t done before. I was quite shocked, but I justified it saying maybe he’s having a bad day. But it continued, everytime we saw each other, even online.

It was at this point I learned he was dating AI girls. Well, one of the aunts was talking about it and I overheard. I’m not quite sure of the details, but apparently he was paying real money for his AI girlfriend.

Anyways, at that point I started feeling a bit repulsed. Don’t get me wrong, I understand how difficult it is for some people to live without relationships, but the fact that it was him specifically made me a bit uncomfortable.

Every holiday after that, he’d make slight comments saying how ”girls like you (me) never date guys like me.” I held it in until the first post. That’s when I said something back.

Anyways, I appreciate all the comments. I can’t respond to them all, but they made me feel a lot better about myself. Honestly, it’s my first time seeing anyone say that me being called a name is bad.

I really almost teared up when I read that. I never had any relationships before, but due to my appearance, I tend to attract a lot of male attention, so a lot of people in my life have called me similar words. I always felt hurt, but I couldn’t understand why but reading the comments made me feel validated (Thank you).

Anyways, I discussed this with my mother. My mother just told me to “suck it up,” and she laughed about my concerns (she thinks it’s absurd that i’m disturbed about his comments). She told me that my cousin is really depressed right now, and all we could do is support him.

I tried talking with my aunt, but my aunt told me that if I wanted to fix this situation, I should go back to being single and stop making my cousin worry all the time. She seems to think that me having a boyfriend is pressuring him to get a girlfriend.

I asked a few of my friends, but my friends mostly said similar comments to you guys, which made me feel so validated. However, none of my family thinks I'm right. Would there be a way to set a boundary without being too rude to piss off my family?

My friends told me that I should tell him to show me his AI girlfriend, and if it resembles me to say something. Really loudly LOL. I considered that, but I think that’s too mean.

Just curious though, if I did that, would I be the AH? (I think it would be yes obviously haha). But anyways, please give me advice for ways to set boundaries. Also, I'd appreciate it if you guys could give your input on whether I should confront my cousin. Thank you so much

Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:

One-Department1551 said:

NTA but could be dangerous to ask him like that. At this point you don’t know if violence is only in words or could get worse. Talk with your dad about it too, how you feel about it is important, family is all about respect, if they can’t give you that, cut it off.

There’s no “suck it up," there’s no “if you want to help him get single again”, those don’t solve HIS issue. You are not the problem here, you are not the cause. You are a victim of his perversion. If talking doesn’t work, I do recommend not showing up when he’s around. It’s your life, don’t let them make you suffer as they don’t understand your feelings.

Raffeall said:

To start NTA. I don’t know your family dynamics but keep in mind you don’t have to interact with him or explain why. If he is infatuated with you engaging with him is not going to help you or him. Pointing out that his infatuation is wrong is unlikely to help either.

If he is showing incel type tendencies the influence of that community will likely override anything you say or do. If he is saying insulting or degrading things to you, about you, you do not need to tolerate that. However, you also don’t owe him an education so don’t bother correcting him again and again, it’ll only cause you frustration and will be aggravating.

I would say surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself, who challenge you in positive way and distance yourself from those that do otherwise. Try to politely stop engaging with him, if he won’t let you, refuse to attend family events where he will be present, and then explain to your parents why so they support you. If they don’t support you just don’t engage with him.

WomanInQuestion said:

People often dismiss concerns like this because it means they’d have to acknowledge someone in the family is being an inappropriate creep and actually do something about it. It’s easier to bury their head in the sand and pretend you’re “just being silly."

BigNathaniel69 said:

NTA, your mom and the rest of your family are so gross. It’s time to pull the plug and live your life away from them.

imakesawdust said:

Let me get this straight: your aunt's solution to the problem is for you to break up with your human boyfriend so that her son can feel better about dating an AI girlfriend?

Beneficial-Sort4795 said:

NTA. Time to block your cousin on all the things and start making excuses to avoid family gatherings cause you need to have your own back if they’re not capable of it. Time to have the flu a lot. Do you live with your mom? Time to move out if you’re old enough and spend a lot more time with your friends who can recognize red flags.

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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