Woman tells dad the truth about why he's not allowed to babysit, 'he stormed off.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my dad the real reason why he's not allowed to babysit?"
I (34F) am the eldest sibling of 4 and my son (2.5) is the only grandkid of my father (69M). Me and my husband have been WFH and caring for our child ever since my maternity leave ended about a year ago. It was ok at first because we both have flexible schedules but about a year in we realised this arrangement was not the best for our mental health.
We decided to hire a nanny monday and tuesday so that we can go to the office, socialize with adults and work uninterrupted a couple days a week. The woman we hired shares the same parenting ideas and has a 3yo who she brings to our house on the days she babysits, we're extremely happy with her and our kid always looks forward to spending time with them.
My father (retired) is extremely unhappy we don't 'just bring the child over to his' and leave his grandson with a 'literal stranger' instead of family. The thing is, my father knows nothing about kids and is unwilling to learn, claiming he's already an expert. He hasn't changed a single diaper in his life. He was the kind of father that comes back from work, eats dinner, scolds the younger kids for 15mins and retreats to his office to drink whiskey and read for the rest of the evening.
Ever since my son was born dad has been giving unsolicited parenting advice that are borderline insane (like telling me to potty train a 4MO) and mocking my parenting choices. I've put up with him only because I know how hard it's been for him since mom passed away 3 years ago but I would never trust him with my kid. This weekend he came over for dinner and we had a huge fight about the nanny situation.
I lost it and basically told him I'd never leave my son alone with him because he's incompetent to a point it's dangerous to leave a child alone with him. He got offended and told me he knows much more than I do because he raised 4 kids. This is where I might be the ahole. I told him he didn't raise us, mom did. I asked him what my brother was allergic to, when my birthday was and similar things just to prove a point. He did not answer and stormed off.
My husband thinks I might have been unnecessarily harsh (I admit to having raised my voice and mocking his so called parenting on purpose) and my sister thinks I'm the AH for talking to dad like that as he's been struggling ever since mom passed away. So, AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
MattIdea8482 said:
He was NOT a father and expects to be a grandfather ? talk about being out of touch with reality...lol. NTA.
Lower_Blacksmith8914 said:
NTA. Not only does your father not respect your decisions, but he's not willing to make any effort to possibly look after his grandchild one day. There's no reason for there to be a fight about this, you and your husband hired a nanny and no one has a say in it. It seems that your father was insistent and unpleasant, and he ended up facing the consequences.
RoyallyOakie said:
NTA...This is a classic "don't dish it out if you can't take it" situation. He's been on the attack for a while. It's time for that to stop.
PrettiestFrog said:
NTA. He F'ed around and found out. All you did was tell the truth, and he wasn't able to handle it. If he can't handle an adult discussion without a tantrum, he certainly isn't able to handle taking care of an actual child.
aquavenatus said:
NTA. Any “parent” who does NOT know their child’s birthday has failed as a parent.
JaJaJatotheLa said:
NTA. You were harsh, but could he answer your questions? I'm assuming no. As a mum, we have to put the safety of our kids above all else, even dads feelings of loss. Your dad sounds like he doesn't know what to do with himself. Looking after your child was probably a way for him to feel life he has direction.
Perhaps you and your sister could look into places he can volunteer or hobbies he can get into. Your mum sounds like wonderful and he feels lost without her. He needs his own life but perhaps has no idea how. Good luck.