Woman tells daughter; 'If you make me sit next to a picture of your father, I'm NOT going to your wedding.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to sit next to a picture of my late husband at my daughter's wedding?"
My late husband and I didn’t have a good relationship. He struggled with alcoholism and ultimately drank himself to death after I divorced him . After some time, I remarried, but my daughter doesn’t get along with my new husband.
They have a strained relationship, and I married him while she was in college. She has hated that I have remarried and is kinda an AH to my husband.
My daughter is getting married soon, and while I’m excited for her, I’ve had some concerns about how she’s planning the wedding. She mentioned wanting to include a picture of my late husband at the ceremony, which I completely understand as a way to honor him.
However, she also wants me to sit next to his picture during the ceremony and my husband would sit elsewhere. I told her that I’m not comfortable with that arrangement. I also learned she wanted to me sit with a picture at the family table and my husband wouldn’t be sitting there either.
I told her no. she got upset and said I was being selfish and disrespectful to her and her father’s memory. I told her that if that’s her plan, I won’t be able to attend the wedding. She called me a jerk and now fmaily is involved. AITA?
Let's see what readers had to say:
flounda writes:
I know reddit is all "your wedding, your rules" but this is ridiculous. I wouldn't put up with it either. NTA.
iamiren writes:
Yes, YTA. It's a picture of him, not actually him. You're trying to maker her wedding about you. That's not okay.
victrun writes:
NTA. A simple compassion exercise would hopefully solve this. Imagine things were reversed, and she were asked to attend a wedding with her fiancé, but would not be able to be in proximity to her fiancé.
Instead, she must sit next to an image of a toxic ex who the bride had a great relationship with. Wouldn't she find that very disrespectful? Wouldn't she feel hurt by someone who loves her asking her to disrespect her partner and herself?
Something brides and grooms need to learn is that their big day is NOT all about them. They don't get to run roughshod over human decency to fulfill some strange fairytale. That's not reality.
I think you've extended plenty of grace in understanding that your daughter had a positive relationship with her father, and therefore his memory would be included in her wedding.
In asking you to actively disrespect your husband, she is crossing a line. Your boundary is reasonable. I'm so sorry your daughter is not currently capable of processing basic human empathy.
crowdwor4 writes:
YTA. Of course she wants to remember her dad and have him present at her wedding. I’m sure the loss is painful and significant as she approaches this important day.
fleetr writes:
NAH. I get why you’d feel upset its a tough situation but standing your ground is understandable too.
gleeo writes:
NTA. I could see a pic on the head table or at the family table in the middle with your husband sitting next to you. (you could turn the pic to look at the others, LOL) but not having to sit next to a pic all evening with limited conversation ability since 1 seat next to you will be empty.
My Steps hate me, but I was invited to and included in their weddings. I didn't expect to be in any family pics and set myself aside as to not intrude, my husband of course thought it was nonsense, but still I understood their positions.
Their mother passed years ago and they love her. (she passed 5 years before I met their dad but they still blame me for everything). however, they had me sitting with family at the dinners, included me in half of the family photos.
Of course there were pictures of their mother everywhere, and I thought all of them were tastefully done. While I felt the dislike they did not let it fall over into the wedding or for the guests to see. Of course we have none of those family pics.. LOL..