Woman tells ex-husband's mistress' new partner about her former affair, 'my friends are split.' AITA?
"AITA for telling the new man of my ex-husband's mistress about the affair she had with my husband?"
My ex-husband and I were together for 11 years, married for 8. He cheated on me with a woman ("Diana Giselle'") we both knew and when I found out about it, she rubbed it in my face. I was a SAHM back then so I got myself together and left soon after. I didn't keep up with her, but she claimed to be pregnant.
My ex denied it was his and we co-parented our shared kids without any more discussion of our personal lives. Fast forward a few years, one of my childless friends (Jaxon) is engaged to this "wonderful, virtuous" woman. We don't live near each other so I didn't think I'd know who she was, despite the first name (Giselle) sounding familiar (she was going by her middle name).
Jaxon came over for a couples game night and she turns out to be the mistress from before! He asked me how I knew Giselle and she tried to stop me from telling him, but I told him anyway.
Apparently, she had a child, whether it's my ex's child or not, I'm not sure, but my friend was going to adopt her kid and let her be a SAHM. She just quit her job a month ago and was planning to move in with my friend after the wedding. He was paying her bills.
Now all of that is off the table, because she lied to him about her past (said she's never cheated or been an affair partner and that her child was conceived by a crime and she's blaming me for it! I didn't tell her to lie about squat to anyone! She was gung-ho about telling me hurtful truths but expected me to protect her secrets so she can be happy!
My friends are split, some say I was wrong for telling him anything and it would have been karmic because my friend is judgemental about cheaters and promiscuity. Others are saying I did right and had she not creeped with my ex, I wouldn't have known she slept with married men in her past to tell anyone that in the first place. Am I the AH?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Revered-Sesshomaru said:
NTA. What's done in the darkness always comes to the light. That's exactly her life story, she did wrong and thought she wouldn't ever have to pay for it. Fast forward to it and now she is jobless and out off a good guy.
You did the right thing, given she most likely lied about how she conceived her child and how she never cheated. She was most definitely going to do something behind your friends back eventually. Also your friends who find you telling him, are idiots.
Ifiwerenyourshoes said:
NTA, play stupid games win stupid prizes. She wants to live a life of lies, instead of bettering herself, acknowledging her past, telling people what she has learned, apologizing to you, and saying I am a different person now, than I was then.
But instead, she lives on a foundation of deceit, and expects everyone to mind their own business even when it directly affected the lives of some people. You saved this man heartache, so again NTA.
No_Jaguar67 said:
NTA get rid of the “split” friends. When my friends have issues I find ways to support them. My blind trust isn’t just given, but unless you were out of pocket in a major way, I’m not offering opinions of what I would do, I’m supporting my buddy. I get tired of seeing people say this.
SockMaster9273 said:
NTA. When you marry someone, you should know about their past but look forward to their future. She lied about her past. How could be trust her with his future?
xUrTeenPetiteBabyy said:
You’re definitely NTA. She was hiding a huge part of her past, and your friend deserved to know the truth before making such a big commitment. You didn’t owe her anything, especially after how she treated you. If she’s upset, that’s on her for not being honest.
DisneyBuckeye said:
NTA - you did not seek out this interaction, you weren't stalking her to ruin her happiness, your friend brought this woman into your home for a game night. What were you supposed to do? You told him the truth. It's not your fault that she lied about her entire background, that's 100% on her.
Question though, the friends who think you were wrong to tell him, it would have been karma for who? Your friend? They want karma to get Jaxon because he's judgmental about cheaters and promiscuity? That's kind of a red flag about those friends. I mean, they support cheating and cheaters? I'd maybe reconsider those friends.
Unable_Maintenance73 said:
NTA. Anyone that is saying you were wrong for telling your friend about Giselle the whore-homewrecker is NOT your friend. tell them that when their partners cheat on them you will make sure to remain silent.
Intelligent-Price-39 said:
NTA you exposed a liar and a cheater. You did a great thing, because the guy has a right to know what kind of person he’s dating, especially if he’s considering marriage.