Being a single parent of a sick child isn't easy. The impulse to spoil your child is intense. Food, gifts, and comfort are only a few things that every parent wants for their kid, and if you can give it to them, why not? Well, maybe because they might turn into an entitled monsters is why.
My fiancé is a single dad to Summer (15). Summer has an autoimmune disease, and her mom isn’t in the picture. Her dad spoils her rotten because of this.
If dinner’s already made, but Summer wants something else, he orders it for her because “she gets cravings.” If she’s being a brat, he excuses it because “her medicines cause mood swings,” and she can demand all of his attention whenever she wants. She doesn’t do any chores around the house, and I’m not allowed to ask her for help with anything.
Summer goes to one of those year-round schools. So instead of a three-month summer break, they get a month in the summer, and they split the other two months up throughout the rest of the year. Because of this, she has a four-week winter break.
Summer was supposed to spend the first week of winter break on vacation with her friend and her mom. It was okay at first. I enjoyed spending time with my fiancé without Summer interrupting us every 10 minutes, but she still called when she woke up before she went to bed and every few hours between. She constantly complained that she missed him (this was the first time she’s been away from him since her mom left).
On day four, we got a call from her friend’s mom. Summer wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go home. I answered the phone the first time and asked the mom if she had a fever, was throwing up or was sick. The mom said she had no fever or vomiting but was tired and wanted to go home. I told her to tell Summer to stick it out and call us if she gets sick.
Summer called her dad, said she didn’t feel good, and that I said she couldn’t come home. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself before kicking me out of the house and starting the four-hour drive to the friend’s cabin. When they got home, he told me he needed to rethink our relationship.
I told him summer is manipulating him now like she always does and listed examples of her using her illness to get what she wants with her dad. He told me not to contact him for the next few weeks while he thought about if he wanted to marry me, and he hasn’t spoken to me since. Am I the a**hole for saying summer is manipulative?
Folks did not hesitate to throw stones.
YTA (You're the A**hole)
Summer doesn't NEED a reason to come home. That is valid if she wanted to go home because she wanted to sleep in her bed.
Also, autoimmune diseases can be debilitating, and there's not enough info here to know if she is being a brat or if you are being ableist (but based on the rest of your post, I'm going with the latter).
It's wild that you feel entitled to gatekeep when someone else's child is allowed to come back to THEIR home. You are not looking like step-parent material. I think rethinking this marriage will be in the best interest of everyone involved.
YTA are you modeling your approach to being a stepmother from Disney?
Whether or not she spoiled, it's not on you to décidé if Summer can come home or not. You're not the parent and you didn't make that decision based on parenting or helping the kid, but just because you didn't want her around.
You're dating à man with à kid and no mother around. You're not always going to be the center of his attention. You need to grow up. YTA.
Sorry, OP, you're a little cruel for keeping a daughter apart from her father.