My fiancé and I are getting married in 10 months. He has asked his brother to be a groomsman and get ready with him on the morning of the wedding with the other groomsmen.
I am also getting ready in the same house with my bridesmaids & my mum. However, the issue arises as my fiancé’s brother won’t leave his wife and baby for the morning of the wedding on their own and want to all travel up together.
I also don’t want to extend the invitation out for his wife to get ready with me & my bridesmaids as I am really looking forward to a relaxing (and baby-free) morning. Also, where we’re getting ready isn’t a huge space and is already pretty full with everyone already coming.
However, I now feel like I’m being a stopper in my fiancé getting ready with his brother. My fiancé is supportive and says that’s a decision that his brother has made and, although he’s not happy about it, there’s not much we can do.
Am I the asshole for not inviting her in the morning so my fiancé can spend time with his brother on the morning of our wedding?
ghauyo writes:
NAH. First off, your wedding is 10 months away. I do think that it sounds completely chaotic for everyone to be in one house, but hey, it's your day. At the end of the day, this has nothing to do with you.
My fiancé is supportive and says that’s a decision that his brother has made and, although he’s not happy about it, there’s not much we can do.
Right. Tbh, the fact your future BIL has a baby does make a difference, here, but he may change his mind in 10 months. I can see why he doesn't want to leave a baby, and simply meet up before the ceremony.
Maybe, he will change his mind closer to the date, because I'm sure he leaves his wife and baby for other activities (like going to work), but I don't even think it's worth worrying about this far out.
jujube writes:
YTA because you expect them to not travel up together the morning of your wedding, with your BIL in the house but somehow his wife and baby need to kill time elsewhere. You’re creating a logistical issue for them.
I’d suggest renting a place for them near the venue so they can travel up together the night before.
The SIL could be left with their car so she can go to the venue with baby at the appropriate time and you (your fiance) should organise transport for BIL from their accommodation (near venue) to where groomsmen are getting ready and then on to venue.
You need to consider what you want (to not have SIL of baby in the house where you’re getting ready) and their transportation logistics as well as where SIL and baby can be accommodated for during the hours between groomsmen getting ready and the ceremony.
As hosts, you should actually think about your guests too. You’re not even suggesting SIL can be in the house, perhaps downstairs or in another room.
andromach writes:
NAH.there are a ton of different alternatives that have nothing to do with you inviting the SIL and baby to get ready with you.
Ultimately, it's up to their family to decide their plans for that day, and brother has already decided without imposing on anyone. It is what it is. I don't see why anyone is an AH in this situation. And idk why people think brother and SIL are AHs either.
crimatayu writes:
My family and I were invited to my sister-in-laws wedding, it was literally the other side of the planet from where we live. When we go to my husband’s home country we always stay with my in-laws.
My sister-in-law wanted to get ready at her childhood home/ my in-laws the day of the wedding and didn’t particularly want my husband/ me and our two small children (5 and 1) getting under foot on her special day.
We completely understood. We booked an air bnb for the night before the wedding. It was close to my in-laws and the wedding and we felt like we would be get ourselves ready without getting caught up in all the drama that happens the morning of a wedding.
Turned out to be a moot point because the pandemic happened and we weren’t allowed to travel but it would have been wonderful. IF they are travelling a distance for the wedding would something like this be an option?
eastpak writes:
No, you’re not. He has his priorities and you have yours. It sounds, a little, as if they’re trying to make the day more about themselves than the actual bride and groom. You do you, look radiant and enjoy your (you and hubby to be) day to the fullest. NTA.