Woman tells friend that her child is a 'demon,' 'the scary part is he always LAUGHS.' AITA? UPDATED

"AITA for telling my friend that her kid is a demon?"

I (27F) I am currently having complications with a friend that we will call Karen (28f) for this situation. So some context on the situation is I have a lot of kids, and I mean a lot (3 weeks from due date currently)...

I’m also typically our friend groups trusted babysitter when anybody has something come up with their daycare. So I’m pretty used to an array of different personalities when it comes to kids in my everyday life.

Myself and this friend have two very different parenting styles, I’m more communicative and personally don’t believe in corporal punishment as redirection/explanations make more sense to me. She is more of the southern style of raise her voice, if you don’t hear her the first time, you’re gonna feel her hand on the second.

That being said, I have finally came to the conclusion of I just can’t watch her oldest kid anymore. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more angry child before in my life, and I’m by no means blaming the child for his temperament, but it’s just not something that I can personally handle anymore.

He doesn’t follow any sort of directions, even simple ones, without lashing out violently. He goes out of his way to physically hurt anything without any warning and I mean anything. The cat, any child, big kid, adult, the freaking house plants. The scary part is he always laughs and then follows up with name calling, swearing, or a lovely shrieking sound that would put any coyote to shame.

I know this is really messed up to say, but it’s like a rerun of the orphan Movie irl when dealing with this kid. Yesterday he walked up to me asking for a snack and before I could even lift my head from washing dishes he slapped me as hard as he could.

It took everything in me to keep from crying because that would obviously freak out my littlest babies in the house. I put him in my spare room (time out) away from the other kids so I could not only take a breath, but reduce the amount of damage that he was currently doing in that moment.

Mind you the situation is completely foreign to me because I can’t even count how many kids I’ve watched over the years and I’ve never found myself afraid of a kid. After the incident I called Karen and told her she needed to immediately come get her son and make other arrangements for him, but I could handle her youngest still to help her save money.

She went on to say he’s “really not that bad” and she doesn’t think it’s fair that I’ve never said I wouldn’t watch anyone else’s kids. After months of having patience, I finally snapped and said well none of our other friends have kids that act like a literal demon. I asked her if he really wasn’t that bad then he had slapped me in the face and why was he currently tearing apart my spare bedroom?

If he was so easy to handle then why do I have to constantly be in fear that he’s gonna hurt not just me, but another child in my care? She said she couldn’t leave work and I needed to learn how to better manage the kids in my care. I was honestly so shocked and frustrated that I got on Facebook and messaged the father of her kids to come get them even though I know it wasn’t his day.

I tried to call her again to let her know he was coming to get them, but she wouldn’t answer her phone for myself or him. At 8pm that night (4 hours after she was supposed to be off) she showed up at my house looking for her kids. I told her they were with their father and her son‘s behavior has been reported to dad.

Now she’s saying I potentially ruined her court case for primary custody because dad had to pick up the kids and realized she was MIA with no idea that he even had the kids for hours. I told her it wasn’t my fault and she had two breaks she could’ve called either of us back on, but chose not to. So, AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

alv269 said:

NTA. It sounds like that kid needs professional help. The behavior is not normal. The mom also sounds like a gem. You were right to call the dad and I hope this does mess up her court case.

beek_r said:

NTA If you hadn't done something and that child had hurt another in your care, you'd be blamed. This child isn't being parented properly, and that's not your fault. It's also not your fault that this woman is going to lose primary custody - it's something she did to herself. Going forward, I'd refuse to watch any of her children, because she sounds like someone who'd try to get even in some way.

JTBlakeinNYC said:

NTA. Her son was a real and present danger to every child and animal in your home. He needs professional psychiatric help before he seriously hurts someone.

Relatents said:

His behavior changes showed something is wrong. Taking action to protect him even when it’s from a friend shows that you are putting his safety and his future first. NTA for protecting him, your other children, and yourself. Children rely on adults to protect them until they are mature enough to protect themselves and later protect the next generation.

Disastrous-Panda5530 said:

NTA. I wouldn’t offer to watch the youngest either. I could see her trying to drop them both off. It isn’t safe to have him around. What if he had punched you in your belly while pregnant? What if he hurts another kid?

He is a liability to have in your home. He needs professional help and he is unsafe to have in your home. And if Karen ever tries to drop him off again I would let her know you’d report her for abandonment.

Proud-Geek1019 said:

NTA, but seriously, don’t watch any of her children. Don’t give her that opening. Also, do not be surprised if you’re asked (by the Dad probably) to testify or some how go on the record about this kid. It sounds like he needs therapy and mom needs parenting classes.

Alternative_Wolf_643 said:

NTA sounds like she gave up on parenting that one. She doesn’t seem to care what happens with him so long as he isn’t her problem. That doesn’t make him your problem.

UPDATE:

So do I have a wild ride for you guys! A ton has happened in the last week and some change. Dad got emergency custody the following morning after spending the night getting an emergency mental health evaluation at our local hospital. They kept the kid for three days and we took that time to help dad get his house ready for primary parenting.

The lawyer went my Karen’s place on Monday for the unexpected home visit and to put it bluntly there was a lot more going on than any of us realized. The kids belongings were placed in a pile beside the couch where the kids have apparently been sleeping for the last month. 1 of the five bedrooms in her house is completely unlivable, and the three rooms outside of her own are being subleased to strangers.

Yes you’re reading that right, she took away her children’s rooms and put strangers in there. They also documented smells of burning plastic and urine throughout the household and there is no pets in the home. She was directed to submit a drug test and as of now she still has not done that.

I am absolutely mortified of the conditions those babies have been living in for months without any of us in the friend group, realizing. It also makes since because she stopped hosting get togethers shortly after her separation, and we all just assumed she was taking time for herself.

Now the icing on the cake: a lot of you warned me that she would likely try to lash out toward me and you were right because she absolutely did. She tried to call social services claiming that I had an illegal daycare running in my home. Well of course a social worker did show up but thankfully the situation was clarified within the same day.

I explained that five of the kids in my house were my own biological kids and the two others I was watching for my cousin without personal pay. Gave them receipts and my last couple bank statements as proof and should be getting a letter within the next week closing the case as unfounded.

They have a hearing Friday to establish custody and the lawyer has already said it will go to dad. Karen will get supervised visitation if she petitions for it. If anything changes or something else, crazy happens I’ll definitely be updating again, but thank you guys.

Here's what people had to say about the update:

Away-Elephant-4323 said:

I am glad to hear those babies will be safe, this happens more often than people realize children living in awful conditions, it’s sickening honestly, thank you for giving updates and I hope those kiddos will have the life they deserve now.

RubyTx said:

You are a hero. That kid's behavior was crying out for help. Kids don't get that scary in a vacuum. Thank you for being the adult he and his siblings needed to attention to what they were going through. I hope Dad and those kids are able to recover to some semblance and am so glad to hear a GAL is involved.

MerryMoose923 said:

NTA. The living conditions those kids had to endure were definitely part of the behavior problems. Good on you for calling the kids' dad.

Creepy-Stable-6192 said:

Good for you! I'm glad those kids are in a better place.

Chuckitybye said:

No wonder her older kid is freaking out. I'm glad dad did the evaluation for him