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Woman tells friend the truth, 'Your husband's affair was YOUR FAULT.' AITA? UPDATED

Woman tells friend the truth, 'Your husband's affair was YOUR FAULT.' AITA? UPDATED


When this woman feels bad that she told her friend the truth, she asks the internet:

"AITAH for telling my friend she should have seen her husband and her friend's affair coming?"

Background: I (35f) was friends with Julia (35f) and Alex (34f). We have been friends since college but our tiny group expanded from 3 to 7. This story is about Julia and Alex.

2 year ago, we all came to know that Alex was having an affair with a married man. Her excuse was that he was unhappy that is why he is seeking outside validation.

I advised her to stop it and this is not healthy because he will not leave his wife. She didn't listen. Rather accused me of being a bad friend. All of my friends were against it but to them it was "not my monkey, not my circus".

So, I contacted the wife and told her everything. I knew who the wife was because the married man once introduced us. And everyone in my friend group turned against me. Especially Julia because she thinks I betrayed my friends.

She stopped talking to me because if I can betray a close friend of mine then I can betray her as well. Alex was heartbroken because the married man decided he wanted to work on his marriage so he broke things off with Alex. Julia was with Alex and I was shunned from our group.

What happened now: Few weeks ago, I got a call from Julia. She was crying and telling me that Alex betrayed her.

She has been having an affair with her husband. And that she is heartbroken because she has supported her and this is how she repays her. Even our friend group is divided. I was angry at that moment.

I mean she ignored me for 2 years. Bad mouthed me. Said that I was wrong. I literally warned her that Alex was toxic. So I told her that she should have expected this from Alex.

I mean did she really think she will show loyalty towards you when she already did something immoral before? I knew the moment she made excuses of having an affair with a married man, her morals were compromised.

I am not religious but I do have minimum respect towards other people and their feelings. And suffice to say I am not surprised she went after her husband.

I do think I went too far. Because some of my other friends said I was too harsh on her. Even if what I said was the truth I should have been more sensitive because she is going through a divorce. AITA?

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

brake writes:

Tbh, she got what she deserved. She chose to be friends with a piece of shit garbage person and supported her piece of s garbage behavior.

If you're with someone who talks mad shit about everyone, it's safe to assume they talk shit about you, too. But hey, if you accept it (or even pitch in) then you're no better.

Everyone that was okay with Alex being Alex is a crappy person. The company you keep is a reflection of you. Sucks to suck. NTA.

welpsum writes:

ESH. What on earth did I just read? First, it was crazy in the first place to contact that guy's wife. You aren't the world's marriage police. If you have a friend who is being shitty and that's a problem for you, you extract yourself from that friend group. You don't need to insert yourself into the life of someone you don't know.

That's just creating drama where drama didn't need to be created. This was a situation that really didn't involve you at all, and I'm not sure why you felt that you needed to be part of it.

And yes, Julia sucks! I get her thinking you can't really be trusted anymore, but circling the wagons around Alex was also very dumb. But she calls you in an emotionally distraught state and your first reaction is to say "I told you so?" That's just self-centered.

You have no obligation to be part of Julia's life (indeed, she made it clear in the past she didn't want to be part of yours), but what you do is offer comfort and then extricate yourself from the situation. You don't have to be friends with her, nor do you need to impart your wisdom.

Throughout all of this, I have yet to understand your motivations for literally anything you did during this journey. You saw a bunch of people in the mud, so you jumped in face first and then acted surprised when you got dirty.

What did you think was going to happen, exactly, when you contacted that guy's wife? That Alex would say "oh yeah, you were right. Thank you for being our moral compass?"

That all your friends that already decided they didn't want to be involved would just side with you when you decided to take matters into your own hands? And why, precisely, did Julia "need" to hear the "harsh truth" from you?

The relationship with Alex, and indeed her marriage, is already destroyed. She already saw the truth. You just rubbed it in. What outcome are you hoping for?

trickytemp writes:

NTA and you're better then me because I would've laughed in her face, called her an idiot, and hung up the phone. They treated you like dirt after what Alex did. They cut out a true and moral friend for a woman dedicated to being a mistress. Julia got what she deserved.

creggg writes:

NTA just had this conversation with someone yesterday. There’s a woman at work who’s married with three late teenage kids . Has beeeeeeen having affairs and her husband finally found out , his divorcing her .

However , divorce proceedings just started , but home girl started up an affair with a married man at work.

For a solid week they were at it , she’s everywhere bragging about them doing the deed . Even tells her husband how much better this married dude is and how happy they are going to be together seeing as she’s about to be free and this married guy is going to leave his wife and family too.

Two days ago , married lift walks past her desk in the morning at work , and tells her he’s done with her . Says she needs to stay away from him . Then cuts off all communication.

Now she’s heartbroken and hurting over his rejection and crying everywhere, and current almost ex hubby just put her out of the house .

greifff writes:

Absolutely NTA!! I also believe in tough love sometimes. Especially when all the red flags are in play. I have this same issue with a close friend not same exact situation tho. She has a horrendous baby daddy. 10 years of straight BS yet she keeps taking him back. And foolishly on her 4th kid with the idiot.

He obviously does what he always does when she gets pregnant- he cheats and leaves her for the new flavor the year. She is super delusional. Says that he’s mad at her and starts naming off a list of things she’s done to “offend” him.

Things that are really just requests for the betterment of the situation as a whole. Such as: paying child support, actually being an involved parent, being civil and respectful of one another,etc. Not a hard ask in my opinion but he doesn’t care about her or their kids because of his proven track record.

Yet my friend expects some sort of miracle and they’ll end up together again. So this is where I decided to give her some honest harsh truth. Of course she was upset and said I didn’t have her back. She didn’t listen to any kind of advice and she’s worse off now than before.

She had to hit rock bottom to finally realize what I had been telling her all these years. Now with that I’m saying this- you can definitely sympathize but when u call urself someone’s friend honesty is the best policy.

You did nothing wrong before and u did nothing wrong now. It just sucks that you were right and had she listened to u she wouldn’t be in this spot now. What I will say is that after you give her the reality check make sure you tell her I’m always here for you if you need me.

But considering that she stopped being ur friend because of said situation unfortunately she brought this on herself. So fuck that whole situation and live your best life !

And now, OP's update:

First of all I want to clear this thing out that I do not regret telling the wife about the affair. I do not think I did the wrong thing. My friend was doing something bad and psychopathic in my opinion.

She happily contributed to destroying a family knowing the man she was dating was a married man. I know the blame should be on him but she also needs to take accountability of her actions.

If I was getting cheated on I would want to know. So, I guessed the wife also wanted to know. I know a lot of you have shamed me but just know I do not care. I was not the affair partner so why should I take the blame? I was simply a messenger.

Now to the actual update, I did speak to Julia and said that I was sorry. I shouldn’t have punched her down when she is already going through some shit. I did not want to add it. I know a lot of you have told me to just cut her off.

But I realized I was too harsh on her. Even if what she did 2 years ago was wrong. But she came to me because she needed a friend. I can sympathize with her in her tough times.

She just went on and on about how she felt betrayed by Alex when she has always defended her even when her own parents disowned her. Just out of curiosity I asked her if she has plans to divorce her husband or work things out. She said she is going for divorce.

Her husband is begging her for another chance and even said he will cut off all contacts with Alex along with the offer of opening their marriage on her end. But she is headstrong on her divorce.

She did ask for my forgiveness and I do forgive her. But I still do not want anything to do with her. I do feel sorry for her and hope she finds peace but our friendship will never be restored to its own glory.

She said that she understands and this is probably her karma and god is punishing her (she is quite religious).

That’s the end. I hope she takes him to the cleaners. And from the grapevines I heard that Alex has been shunned from my former friend group because now they are afraid she might go after their husband. And as for Alex I do believe she is a psychopath who enjoys breaking up families.

I do not think any amount of exposing will work on her because she has no shame. She deliberately goes after married and committed men. And I am glad I cut ties with her way before she could get to me. That’s it. Have a great life and stay away from all the Alexes of this world.

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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