Woman tells friend; 'You can't bring your baby to my birthday party.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to let my friend bring her baby to my birthday party even though she’s mad now?"

I (19F) am planning my birthday party in a few weeks, and I wanted it to be a fun, chill night with my friends. It’s going to be at my apartment, with drinks, music, and games.

One of my close friends, “Emma” (20F), had a baby about six months ago. Since then, she’s understandably been really busy with mom life, and we haven’t hung out as much.

When I invited her to my birthday party, she asked if she could bring her baby. I immediately felt conflicted because the vibe I’m going for isn’t really baby-friendly.

We’ll be drinking, and it’ll probably go late into the night, so I told her it might not be the best place for a baby. I suggested she ask her boyfriend or her parents to watch the baby for the night so she could come and relax.

Emma seemed hurt by this and said that she can’t always find someone to watch the baby and doesn’t want to miss out on events with friends. I understand that, but I really don’t want a baby at my party, especially since it’s the first time in a while I’ll be able to let loose with my friends.

She got pretty upset and said I’m being unsupportive and that “true friends” would accommodate her new life as a mom. I do want to be supportive, but I also don’t think I should change the entire vibe of my birthday party to accommodate a baby. Now things are tense, and a few of our mutual friends are saying I’m being a bit selfish and could have just let her bring the baby for part of the night.

AITA for not wanting Emma to bring her baby to my party, even though it upset her? Or am I right to set that boundary for my own birthday?

Let's see what readers had to say:

wowbrag writes:

NAH. Sometimes people can be in conflict, and neither is necessarily TAH.

If you really want your friend with a baby there, you make it work. If you don't, it's your party. I similarly don't think a new Mom struggling to figure out how socializing works is necessarily TAH. Maybe the true friends line is rough, but even then that's pretty tame in terms of verbal conflicts.

It's rough, and things are tense, but well...things are gonna be tense after conflict between friends. Hope y'all work it out together how the dynamic will be in the future.

gahagy76 writes:

YTA The baby is 6 months. They will eat and they will sleep. That's it. Not sure how they can disturb your party. If it were a 5 year old that would be a problem but the child can't get very far, can't talk and can't walk. What can it do to upset your party?

I find it weird how Americans treat babies like they are toxic and have to be isolated from the rest of the human race. How do they get socialised then?

record6 writes:

NTA. Realistically at six months a baby isn’t going to disrupt things as massively as you might expect, most kids are minimally mobile at that age and just need to be held and changed occasionally; and drinking or having adult conversations isn’t going to get them mimicking inappropriate behaviours at that stage either.

But it’s your party and if it makes you uncomfortable you are fine to refuse, your friend has made the choice to have a baby and part of that choice is prioritising her baby over other events even where she would really like to attend - she needs to accept that.

mickey566 writes:

I’m reading this at my childless friends house, cuddling my baby, after her rager of a birthday party. I had the baby at the party for the first hour or so when people were still arriving and it wasn’t too loud yet.

Then I laid him down to sleep in her bed and partied with them for a while. I didn’t get drunk but I hung out and had fun. My friend didn’t hesitate when I asked if I can bring the baby. She said “of course! It might be loud but you can always take the baby to my room and away from the party if you want or need to”.

I wouldn’t have been mad at my friend if she said no, but I knew she’d say yes when I asked her. If your friend is stay at home she’s probably lacking adult interaction. You don’t have to “change the vibe” to let a baby be there for a little while.

Everyone else still got absolutely wasted. One girl threw up all over the living room lol. The baby slept soundly in her room and everyone got to have fun. And I got to interact with adults besides my family or our doctors for the first time in 3 months. Soft YTA.

If you wanted her there you’d consider a way to accommodate her and her baby without it messing up the party. If your other “friends” can’t get over a baby being in the next room they’re not very mature or understanding.

shienato writes:

NTA as your birthday party sounds as if it is completely unsuitable for babies, toddlers or young children and probably your parents which, given your age, is entirely as it should be.

It does, however, seem that Emma is struggling to keep up her friendships and of course, baby sitting can be hard to find for a particular event. Although at six months the baby's father should be able to cope.

If not, you might consider being open to compromise that Emma can come for the first hour or two but that she is not able to request any restrictions because of her baby ie around noise, alcohol etc. I'm not sure I'd want to go with that option though.

Perhaps it would be a nice idea for you and her other friends to organise a regular meet-up where she can bring the baby (if there really are no baby sitting options) and you all get to hang out together. If, however, it is a proper adult event with music, alcohol, dancing, being bonkers etc then that should be child-free or they take over the event.

iamhungtin writes:

NTA - I'm the dad of a toddler and another on the way (just to prove that I can talk as the voice of experience). If you're invited to a non-child friendly event it's your choice, as the parent, to make a decision; either find someone to watch your child, or accept that you miss out on a social event due to having to care for your child.

You cannot expect people to change their plans and events to ensure that you are included. These are the results of our decisions to have children. The world continues!!!! Your birthday party is for you and your friend group and of course will result in a party atmosphere.

My advice is tell her that she's invited and what she chooses to do with the baby is up to her. If she chooses to bring the baby then that's on her, but the party will continue.

I brought my baby to a wedding last year and we stayed a while and enjoyed ourselves and left when we felt that the baby had enough. I wouldn't recommend telling her she cannot come, but if the crying is too much then you can realistically ask her to leave.