Woman tells 'friend' she can yank her child when she has one, 'the car was not on fire.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my 'friend' she can yank her child when she has one?"

I 28F, had a friend 26F that I used to hang out with a lot. Recently we got into a accident where someone rear ended me. I had my baby in the car (3 months ), after the crash baby was absolutely hysterical, of course she would be, my friend then tried to scramble in the mix of it to take her out of her carseat.

I do admit I may have said it harshly to not remove baby from their carseat until first responders got to us. The car was not on fire and we weren't in any mortal danger. On a normal day anytime my baby gets to the point of hysteria I soothe them, hug them, rock them, etc.

That was a once in blue moon occurrence I didn't. I kept trying to shush and soothe baby from the seat but obviously she was scared and wanted her mama to hold her. At the hospital both my friend and I got the all clear and we were waiting on baby to be cleared, my friend went off on me telling me I'm a bad mom for not removing baby from the carseat.

I simply explained to her, it was better for baby to stay in the seat incase there was spinal damage, the seat keeps the spine aligned and removing the baby from the carseat would cause further injury if there was already one.

She kept berating me, I was frustrated already and I told her when she has her own and god forbid they get into a crash she can yank her kid out of the carseat and do as she pleases. She got quite and said I'm an asshole for bringing it up because she has trouble conceiving, she has PCOS, and may not be able to carry a pregnancy to term.

Idk if I'm the ahole for bringing up a hypothetical situation or I don't know if my frustration got the best of me and I was insensitive but AITA for making that statement?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Time_Neat_4732 said:

I’d have done what she did (lunged to grab baby) thoughtlessly, and been so crazy relieved when you stopped me and later explained. How on earth did she get defensive instead of desperately relieved she did not risk your baby’s life on accident??? NTA.

devianceisdefiance said:

NTA. You did exactly what you should have done. I've seen far too many people act without thinking, causing irreparable damage to people after accidents. And pcos does not equal infertility.

While she may be struggling to deal with that, plenty of people with pcos get pregnant naturally or with help, and carry to term. She should not be acting like a martyr just because she has a pcos diagnosis, and potentially putting your baby in harms way.

transeXXXual said:

NTA. It was insensitive considering her situation but so was her calling you a bad mom and berating you for something she obviously knew nothing about.

StormPhase06 said:

NTA. Child safety comes first. Not every situation is perfect, but you handled yours considering your child's best interest. Don't let anyone guilt you for that.

OwlishOk said:

NTA. I’m good in an emergency too, and fall apart afterwards. You were being a great mum.

Ballybrol said:

Nta. I used to sell/fit child seats and we were told that infants were to stay in the seat as some will get x-rayed in the seat itself because its safer to check for serious breaks (I.e. neck) in the seat than it is to remove them and potentially cause further damage.

themadmage3 said:

NTA. She potentially endangered your baby, failed to acknowledge her fuckup, and berated you for doing the right thing. You said something mildly upsetting under duress.

VordovKolnir said:

NTA you are absolutely correct. Never move an accident victim unless it is absolutely necessary.

NopeNinjaSquirrel said:

NTA. You did the right thing. Your friend isn’t a medical professional, nor the parent of your baby. She can have her opinions but doesn’t get to lecture or shame you for prioritising your child’s physical health over their comfort in that moment. Spinal damage is no joke!