The one rule of wedding gown shopping though is that you're not allowed to say anything negative until the bride says it first. If she looks like a giant tulle-stuffed cupcake of beaded bodice nightmares and she's happy about it? You better nod along and smile, people.
So, when a conflicted young woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not she was wrong to give her honest opinion about her dad's soon-to-be bride's gown choices, people were ready to help deem a verdict.
My (25F) dad (47M) is getting married to his fiancée, Erin (33F). Erin invited me to join her, her MOH, and her two daughters (7&6F) wedding dress shopping. I agreed as I thought it would be a nice bonding experience with Erin.
I don’t know Erin all that well as my dad and I were previously estranged for years. I am not in the wedding party, which I am ok with.
When I turned up at the wedding dress shop, Erin was wearing a knee length, sleeveless summer dress (this is important). The assistant had already pulled some dresses for Erin based on what she said that she was looking for, these were kept in the changing room so I didn’t see them before she came out in the first one.
I had no idea what it was she was looking for, other than she wanted something that would go with a shawl she had from her mum. Erin’s mum passed away a few years ago, so this was her something old.
When Erin came out in her first dress, it wasn’t what I was expecting. It was full length, with sleeves and covered her all the way up to her collarbones. The shawl was used as a head covering.
This surprised me as she doesn’t dress modest in her daily life, like the dress that she turned up in. She looked like one of those dolls that people used to cover toilet rolls. All the dresses were the same, she was covered up in every single one of them.
I asked Erin why she had chosen those ridiculous dresses and offered to pick out a dress so she wasn’t so covered up. Erin replied that it was important to her to be covered during her wedding.
She explained she was raised in a mixed race household, her mum was Muslim. When her mum married, she couldn’t wear the modest dress as she was forced to conform to a traditional Christian wedding and it was one of her biggest regrets.
Her mum had hoped Erin would wear a modest dress when she married, but Erin had chosen not to at the time as she wasn’t particularly religious at the time. After her mum died, she became more religious but doesn’t wear a head covering or dress modestly in her daily life. When Erin and my dad got engaged, she had decided that she would fulfil her mum’s wish.
Erin didn’t say anything else to me about the dresses during the appointment. That evening, I got a text from my dad stating that he was disappointed that I had called Erin’s modest dress wearing ridiculous.
He said that Erin’s religious beliefs weren’t up for discussion or to be ridiculed and that she was disappointed in me. He wanted me to apologize to her. AITA for calling the modest dress ridiculous?
Obvious YTA (You're the As*hole). Just because something isn't to your taste doesn't mean it's 'ridiculous.' And you're definitely not justified in abjectly insulting someone's choices.
YTA what's it to you if she wants to dress a certain way for her wedding? How is her picking a modest dress affecting you?
YTA. Why would you tell someone that? She’s trying to include you in part of her special day and you were super rude and condescending toward her. You should apologize.
YTA for saying “ridiculous.' There are other ways to express yourself using words that aren’t as judgemental. It’s her wedding and ultimately her choice.
YTA. Great job making a person feel like sh*t for no reason.
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this woman was 100% wrong to tell her future 'stepmom' that her wedding dress dreams of honoring her religious background are 'ridiculous.'
Everyone knows that when a bride is a excited about a dress, even if it's a hot pink studded burlap sack, the only correct reaction is to raise your champagne glass and tell her she looks beautiful. Perhaps this family has some deeper discussions to unpack that go beyond a dress?