Woman tells husband the truth; 'You're NO better than your father.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband he's no better than his on dad?"
My husband (35M) and I(35F) have been married for 14 years. We have twins. One daughter and one son. Both 10. When we first meet, my husband always said he wanted to be a dad.
He grew up poor and his dad wasn't in his life much. He probably saw his dad once every few years. He always talked about wanting to be there for his future kids.
I always wanted kids, so my husband was happy. When we had kids everything was great. When they we're babies, he did everything he could for them and more. He really went hard on making sure they had the best he could buy.
As they got older, he became less and less involved. He would work, come home, say hey to the kids. Ask how school went. Have a quick 5 minute conversation and that would be it.
Every week he gives them money to get whatever they want. If they ask him to buy anything, he just does it. Never anything deeper. Never spend any time with them. When suggested, he would say no. He belive he's doing a great job with them as they are taken care of it.
I tried to explain to him that giving them money and buying them nice things is only one part of taking care of them. I've tried so hard to explain that you need to interact with them more or they would see you as a piggy bank and not a dad who they could talk to.
This all came to a head when I was taking the kids out to eat, but he didn't want to go. I told him he hasn't spent time with them since they were babies. This lead to a argument and we both got mad.
It ended when I told him he's not acting any different than his own dad. I've never seen him look and sound angrier in my life. That was all yesterday. AITA for telling him he's no better than his own dad?
Let's see what readers thought:
crimes writes:
YTA - You used your husbands fear and something he was vulnerable to you about against him. You can want him to be more present in this kids lives but you went about it in the worst way possible.
You intentions are in the right place but your words and actions were awful, he may never be vulnerable with you again.
glout writes:
NTA You should not have called him out like that. He works all day and provides for the family. He spends at least some time talking to them about their days after work. He could be exhausted.
I agree maybe he should take a day or 2 every week to do some family oriented activities. Maybe offer some suggestions to him. Maybe he wanted some alone time instead of getting food. How many hours a week does he work? Do you work or are you at stay at home mom?
fordha5 writes:
YTA. I hear that your heart was in the right place, but you took a traumatic experience he shared with you and you used it against him.
If I were him, I doubt I would everr share anything of substance with you. He sounds like a lousy father, it's true, but you too suck as a partner :)
foat3 writes:
ESH. You said he grew up poor. Making sure they have enough money and gifts and things could be his way of connecting in a way he couldn’t with his dad. But he also needs to spend quality time. I’d iron things out and get to the bottom of this with him.