Woman tells sister struggling with infertility, 'your husband should find a real wife.' AITA for not reconciling?

"AITA for not reconciling with my sister after she said my husband should find a real wife and other hurtful things about my infertility?"

My older sister Norah (42f) and I (34f) stopped talking three, almost four, years ago after she said multiple hurtful things about my infertility. The finishing one was her saying my husband should find a real wife who could give him children.

I'd let her get away with so much because I love my family, including my three other siblings, and I didn't want to make life more difficult for anyone else. But my husband told me I shouldn't destroy myself so everyone else could be happy. And her comments were destroying me.

Examples of a handful of the things she said are; I was too old to be a first-time mom and needed to stop trying. I was clearly unfit to be a mom and couldn't see it but my body was telling me. I should just accept my life as the forever childless babysitter.

Nobody else in our family had trouble getting pregnant and I was clearly the loser of the family. Getting pregnant is sooo easy and even grandmothers were getting pregnant easier.

The rest of my family was understanding when it went too far and I couldn't cope with her anymore. They knew my husband was extremely bothered by Norah's comments too and he was on the verge of losing his crap with her.

My husband and I continued trying to have children together and last year we were successful after our "one last time" IUI. My pregnancy was very complicated. We knew early we were having twins, but my body did struggle and I was hospitalized on and off during my pregnancy and stayed in the hospital from 7 months until delivery to keep all three of us safe.

It was after the birth of my children that Norah reached out and said she wanted us to repair our relationship. In her original reaching out message, she congratulated me on the birth of my daughter (but not my son) and she talked about how exciting it was to have a little girl in the family.

At no point did she apologize for what she said or recognize my son other than saying "the twins" one time. I didn't reply but I did mention it to my husband, he read it too and he was like f her.

Norah reached out again after two weeks with no reply and she was like I think you might have missed the message, but and she told me again she wanted to reconcile. She guessed now that I had what I wanted we could work on being sisters again. Once again she mentioned how she couldn't wait to see my daughter.

I responded that I did not feel like reconciling with her and we were better off staying no contact and I muted her. My reasons aren't just because of what she said to me and because she didn't apologize but I have a son too.

I don't want to reconcile with Norah and subject him to being left out because Norah only has boys and is obsessed with girls. Both of my children deserve to be treated with the same love, respect and excitement within our family. Norah has complained to our other siblings about this and my older brother and younger sister have told me I could at least try.

They said trying after three, almost four, years it's time to see if we can all move forward. They did admit they wanted Norah to shut up but they say it would also be good for us all to move past this. My younger brother doesn't agree and has told me we're doing the right thing and he said it's right for all the reasons I have.

But my other two siblings believe I could communicate and be open to seeing if Norah can acknowledge where she went wrong with everything. They said I could do that for the sake of everyone. AITA for not trying/wanting to reconcile?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Melle2421 said:

I would have gone scorched earth on her! And anyone else that would condone her antics! She’s showing you exactly who she is. Your precious family is better off without her.

Sallzy01 said:

Well looking at what she messaged you, it’s clear she didn’t change. She only reached out after you got the kids ( which was the reason of her comments, in her eyes the problem was your infertility and not her stupidity) and still doesn’t ask about your son. She wants to play auntie to the girl. She will damage your relationship with your kids and eventually husband.

No-Guess4503 said:

Please let your siblings know to stay out of this — they weren't the ones on the receiving end of those harsh words. Your sister is an adult and should take responsibility for her actions and approach things with maturity. You’re under no obligation to reconcile unless it’s something you truly want. Don’t do it just to please others.

DancinginHyrule said:

“Now that you got what you wanted." I’m sorry but she is either a sociopath or the most condescending person in the world. She is basically treating you like a child who threw a tantrum over not getting candy and she has no respect for you, your family or your struggles.

She will continue to belittle you, insult you and treat you like a doormat she can step on to get her hands on a new dress-up doll (your daughter). NTA. Stay NC, she’s toxic af.

No_C$ckroach4248 said:

Your older brother and younger sister want and easier life and for you to give in to Norah. If they continue with this, cut them off as well. Norah will eventually turn on them as well, she is a bully and needs a new target. NTA. With Norah’s interest in your daughter, am I correct in guessing she does not have a daughter?

poptartnoodle said:

NTA at all! She was a monster. She hasn't apologized. Even if she had apologized I'd only recommend trying to mend the relationship (if you wanted to) with you and her or you/husband and her but no access to your twins until it was actually mended. Bet if she knew she'd have to put in work before getting to see the twins she's show her true colors all over again.

Serious_Bat3904 said:

NTA she will try to take over the parenting of your daughter.