Woman tells MIL about her diet; husband says; 'The way you did that was SO disrespectful.' AITA?
When this woman feels like she may have offended her MIL, she asks the internet:
'AITA for telling my MIL about my Diet and disrespecting her?'
So my f33 MIL has a tradition, and that's hosting weekly family dinners at her house where everyone visits. In every dinner she hosts she'd find a way to comment about my hair, body, job, age, and worst of all my infertility.
It upsets me, makes me feel uncomfortable and puts me on the spot. MIL says she's just looking out for me and my husband thinks I'm being too sensitive.
During 'my' last dinner there, MIL commented on my infertility by telling me to hurry up and get pregnant soon because 'I'm not getting any younger'.
After that I no longer felt comfortable going over there and be part of her weekly family dinners. My husband threw a fit but eventually started going alone.
This went on for 2 weeks. Now after missing the 3rd family dinner I got a call from MIL sounding as nice as she could asking me about my health and stuff. I kept it short and civil. But she asked if I was going to show up for next week's family dinner. I said no..she was like 'why are you still sick?'
(I found out my husband lied about me beingsick as excuse for my absense, that is another story for later) I said 'no??', I'm actually on a diet' she laughed and said thatI indeed need to lose 'a few pounds' and said thar she'd see if she'd make me some 'healthy side dishes' just to get me to come but I said...
'oh no, I'm actually on an energy diet, this means that if there's anything that bothers me, makes me uncomfortable, puts me on the spot then I don't want it and don't want to waste my energy on it'. she got offended and said that I was being rude to her for no good reason. I cut the call short few minutes in.
My husband got home later and started yelling at me for I said to his mother. I told him I don't want to go there anymore when his mom keeps making digs at me for her own amusement.
He again said that I was being too sensitive but added that I was embarrassing him infront of his whole family and said that by deciding to no longer show up, I'm basically telling his family 'F& Y'all' to all of their faces.
We argued about it for half an hour then he took my phone and tried to get me to call her to 'un-F' what I just 'F-d' and take back what I said but I took the phone back and turned it off. He got more livid and said that I have one day to make this right and start showing his family some respect.
AITA? I just wanted to tell her why but in a nice way.
Let's find out.
frenchop writes:
NTA, I really like the energy diet! I might steal it from you one day. But you have a husband problem... not defending you, throwing you under the bus. Also he should start showing you some respect.
dormo7 writes:
YTA. Come onnnnn. Yes you're on a diet but the way you went about announcing it was uncalled for. Read the room?? You ARE disrespecting her by being so flippant. AH.
untl writes:
NTA. Actually, as horrible as it is, your infertility is a blessing in this situation. You do not want to have children with your current (hopefully not much longer) husband. WHY would you WANT to bring children into this family? So they can be abused as well?
Leave and find happiness with someone who actually respects you.
gagouou writes:
Nta, I'd probably pull a malicious compliance and call to apologize like ' hey, I'm really sorry that I told you the truth about your behavior before, I know how you think the world should cater to your needs for a safe space around you 24/7.
Anyway, I'm really sorry that you feel the need to put others down to make yourself feel better about your pathetic life. I'm also sorry that you seem to project your own wants to have another child onto me, considering you can't have any of your own anymore.
I understand the compulsion to take another stab at motherhood, considering how disappointing and cowardly your son has turned out to be, so spineless that he won't even defend his own wife against his pig-headed bully of a mother.
We all want to have second chances to correct our past mistakes and inadequacies. However, I'd be more comfortable in not discussing any of these things going forward.'
festa0 writes:
She sucks more than you, and your husband sucks more than you, and you 100% did the right thing to stop going and set boundaries - but you set your boundary with her verbally in a rude, snarky way instead of a direct, mature, civil way.
I’ll say NTA because you are the least asshole here but also shift your approach a little in future: you could’ve and should’ve told her directly before it hit this point: “your criticisms and especially comments on my fertility are hurtful and inappropriate.
I’m going to stop coming if you keep making them.” And then if she kept making them, “you’ve kept xyz. I’m not going to come to dinners anymore.” And perhaps: “Let me know if you’re willing to stop and I’ll come back.”