Woman tells her mother to stop coming over unannounced, 'she rents the house to me.' AITA?

"AITA for asking my mom to stop staying over at the house she rents to me?"

I (27F) have lived with my mom for most of my life, but last September, she remarried and moved in with her new husband. He lives 45 minutes away from my area, though my mom and her husband recently bought a house just one street away from mine. However, the new house is still under renovation, so it’ll be a while before they can live there.

Here’s the issue: for the past two months, I’ve had a new roommate (also a friend), and things have been going great. My roommate is kind, clean, and easy to live with, even though she’s a bit shy and takes time to warm up to people.

But my mom, who owns the house, has been coming over unannounced. She’ll hang out in the house without letting us know beforehand and sometimes even stays overnight—up to two nights a week—either on the couch or in the spare bedroom.

This feels like a massive invasion of our privacy, especially my roommate’s. I feel awful for her because, where is it normal for a landlord to just live in the place they’re renting out? I love having my own space, and this constant intrusion is a big reason why I wanted to move out of my mom’s house in the first place.

The tricky part is that I’m struggling to bring this up with her. We don’t have the best relationship, and communicating with her has always been difficult—she’s very “my way or the highway.” It also feels like I’d be kicking my own mom out, which makes me feel guilty.

To make things more complicated, my mom set some strict house rules: no drinking, no smoking, no boyfriends staying over, and no big parties. While I personally don’t mind these rules, it’s hard to find roommates who are okay with them. If my mom wants to keep renting the place and earning money, she needs to understand that she can’t act like a live-in landlord.

So, WIBTA if I told my mom she needs to stop staying over at the house and give me and my roommate our privacy? And how can I even approach this conversation without it blowing up?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Tangerine_Bouquet said:

NTA. Seriously, if you're renting the place, it's your space. You need to get notice certainly, and even though she's your mom, you should get to decide when and if she can stay over. Now, because this is fraught, I'd suggest you and your roommate just find another place.

I know this is hard! But what you're dealing with is truly unacceptable to most people, and it sounds like you'd really, really benefit from more space from your mother. Let her learn the lesson by renting the place to someone else--who will NOT put up with the BS you're dealing with now.

mathhews95 said:

NTA. No, it's not normal for your landlord to show up unannounced at your place. If she has keys, take them back or change the locks. It might be her house, but she's renting it, so it's not for her to use it anymore. At the same time, can a landlord stop you from drinking, smoking, or bringing boyfriends over to the house you're living in? Either you set straight boundaries with your landlord and enforce them or move.

Lexithepimp said:

NTA. Your feelings are completely valid this is your home, and you deserve privacy, especially since you’re paying rent. It’s not unreasonable to expect your mom, even as the landlord, to respect boundaries and give you and your roommate space. Her frequent unannounced visits and overnight stays are not only invasive but could also make your roommate uncomfortable, which isn’t fair to her either.

It might help to approach the conversation calmly and frame it as a practical discussion rather than an emotional one. You could say something like, "Mom, I really appreciate you letting me rent this house, but it’s important for me and my roommate to have our own space.

I think it’s best if we have some clear boundaries so we both feel comfortable." Reassuring her that you respect her rules and care about maintaining the property might also help her see your perspective without feeling attacked. You’re not kicking her out—you’re setting healthy boundaries, which is important for both your independence and your relationship with her.

No_Cockroach4248 said:

You are paying rent and you are entitled to peaceful enjoyment of the place you rent. Issue: your mom may never learn that in her capacity as your landlord. You are better off looking for a new place, give your mother notice and move out. NTA.

appleblossom1962 said:

NTA, but if you tell her, you know that it’s not going to end well. Your mom is still treating you like a small child but taking the benefit that you give her money for the home. Like so many others have said you should move out with your roommate and find a place.

Your mom is in for a rude awakening when she tries to re-rent the home to somebody with all those rules. So glad to hear that you found a roommate that you get along with you hear so many horror stories. I wish the both of you the very best of luck.

Putasonder said:

NTA. She’s a landlord and a mother, and if she’s going to rent out that house, those roles have to be kept separate. A landlord doesn’t show up unannounced and commandeer a tenant’s couch. If you don’t have a formal lease, you need one. If she’s as unreasonable and high-handed as you seem to think she is, you’re probably going to have to move.