Woman tells SIL she's too poor to have another baby, family is furious with her.
Babies are expensive. On average, a family will spend $17,000 yearly raising a child until they turn 18. That's a hefty chunk of change. People say it takes a village to raise a child because it has to pool funds to pay for it. If the village has to pay for the baby, should they get a say on when the baby comes? On a popular Reddit thread, in the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, one woman asks this question after his brother and his wife are expecting another child.
She writes:
My brother works as a car rental agent, and his salary is not livable. His wife is a stay-at-home mom for their 4-year-old, so he's the sole provider, and he's been receiving a fixed sum from my mom and sister to keep things afloat.
To be fair, only children are...unique.
Some time ago, my sister-in-law told me she wanted another child because she didn't want their son to be an only child and asked me what I thought. I advised her against it and told her to either wait till my brother gets promoted or till she gets a job. I told her it would be realistically impossible to provide for another child when you're barely coasting by and that she was still young (27yo).
About three weeks ago, my brother calls me all happy and told me his wife is pregnant. I told him great, I wish you good luck and hung up. I never called my sister-in-law to congratulate her or went to their place for the baby shower (I told them I was busy.)
We had dinner at our parent's house yesterday, and I inevitably met my sister-in-law. She told me you know I'm pregnant with an excited tone. I told her, yeah, I know, that's great I wish you good luck. She then said so. That's it? I asked her what she meant, and she said aren't you happy for us?
Is honesty the best policy?
I told her my feelings were irrelevant here and their decision was up to them. She told me they mattered and begged me to tell her what I thought honestly. So I told her I think you're making a mistake, and this innocent child will suffer the consequences of your selfishness. You are not ready to care for another little life when you can't pay your bills. How long do you think my mom and sister will support you?
She interrupted me and said what the hell? That's none of your f*cking business. I only asked you out of politeness, but you didn't hold back at all. I told her you're the one who told me to be honest. She said that I told you to be honest with me, not be a douche. She then called me an a**hole and complained to my brother.
I didn't want to entangle them, so I grabbed my purse and left. Sometime later, my mom called me fuming and told me I had no right to comment. She said I should have congratulated them properly and left it at that. That even if she was the one who asked for my opinion, I should've known better than to hurt her with those words.
BlueRose2300 says:
This might be unpopular later, but NTA (Not the A**hole). Maybe you should’ve been kinder or phrased it better, but she shouldn’t have been sheltered from the truth when she asked for it. She asked for your opinion and got mad when you gave it. Full stop. You’re NTA.
Sorry-Squirrel-2346 says:
NTA. Don’t give them money anymore, even if you can afford to do so.
G2KY says:
NTA. I never understand people who do not have enough money, even for one person, and then they marry and make 2+ kids, and they have no money. Some people lose their rational thinking capability when the topic comes to kids. If you cannot live with one wage with three people and get support from the family, you cannot live with four people.