'AITA for embarrassing my SIL after she expected me to pay her and her friends' bill?'
"AITA for embarrassing my SIL after she expected me to pay her and her friends' bill?"
So I (25F) went out for dinner for my SIL's (28F) bachelorette party this past weekend. Between my SIL and my Husband (26M), SIL has always been the family's golden child. Growing up, my in-laws coddled her and gave her everything she wanted, while my husband always got the sh*tty end of the stick.
She was always the popular girl in school, a cheerleader, and had many friends. All the boys loved her. While my husband was always a little nerdier and got picked on quite a bit, even my in-laws would give him a hard time about this and say he needed to be 'more like his sister.'
While fast forward to today, my husband and I went to top schools, got our degrees, and currently have very well-paying jobs in tech. I'm not trying to sound braggy; this is just for context, but we live very comfortably. SIL still lives at home with my in-laws, who foot all her bills. She had my niece (4F) with her ex and is currently in marriage number two.
This past weekend I was invited to this fancy upscale restaurant in my city for my SIL's bachelorette party (she just wanted to make a nice dinner). There were 8 of us in total. At the end of dinner, the bill comes out to around $1,000, and the waiter hands it to me.
I'm sitting there confused for a second until SIL speaks up and is all, 'my parents and I were talking and were thinking you and my brother can handle the bill for this as a wedding gift since you're not financially contributing to my wedding.' I stared at her, shocked momentarily, and then was like, 'You didn't think to bring this up to me beforehand?'
She said we're so well off, so what's the big deal? And she's sure her brother wouldn't have an issue with it. I asked her why her fiancé doesn't foot the bill, or my in-laws, and where in her right mind she thinks it's okay to spring this on me.
She started going on about how we're the wealthiest in her and her fiancé's family and that she didn't think I would act like this and would say yes. I told her, 'well, sorry, but I'm not your parents, don't expect handouts from me.' She called me selfish, and I called her an entitled brat, paid for my half of the bill, and left.
As expected, my MIL, SIL, and even some cousins and aunts on my husband's side have been furious with me and expect me to apologize for the comments. I told them over my dead body. My husband is 100% on my side, and we are debating not attending the wedding. I was talking to my mom, and she thinks I took it too far with the comments and should just apologize to keep the peace. AITA?
Here's what people had to say:
anonymoose_octopus says:
NTA. Don't apologize. No matter how much money you make, you are not expected to: Contribute to your SIL's wedding. Foot the bill for an entire bachelorette party you attended as a guest. De-escalate her temper tantrum once she didn't get her way. The burden of paying for a bachelorette party usually falls on the Maid of Honor and Bridesmaids (and arranged for ahead of time!!!) or the bride.
mertsey627 says:
What the actual f*%k?! 'because you're not contributing to my wedding.' In what world does a sibling contribute to a wedding?! She sounds insanely entitled, and anyone backing her is delusional. NTA.
hannahsflora says:
NTA. I guarantee you were only invited as a set-up to try and make you pay. Don't go to the wedding, and I'd honestly consider how many contacts you want to maintain with SIL and your in-laws moving forward - it's clear they see you two as nothing but an ATM.
You're right, OP. Just because someone was popular in high school doesn't mean you have to pay for their wedding because you were a nerd.