Woman tells SIL she probably shouldn't have a big family because she's too poor.
I (38F) told my SIL she may want to reconsider having a big family like me, because frankly, she just won't be able to make it work financially like I can.
PersonalityFit2085 writes:
My husband (42M) and I (38F) have six kids: three are biologically ours (8F and twin 6M), and three are adopted siblings (10M, 7M, and 3F).
We have a combined high six-figure income, are debt-free, and own our house outright (which is relevant to the story).
My husband and his brother were raised by very neglectful parents and used to talk all the time about having a big family when they grew up. They were upfront with me and my sister-in-law (SIL) about wanting a lot of kids from our early days of dating.
SIL and my brother-in-law (BIL) are starting to try for their first child, and SIL has been leaning on me for emotional support, which I am very glad to provide.
Last Sunday, she asked me to be brutally honest about what it's like to have 6 kids. I told her that my experience might not be very helpful to her, given that our situations are very different, and she asked me to explain.
So I told her that I am a stay-at-home wife with a passive income in the high six figures, and my husband makes over 300k a year, so we are fortunate enough not to have to worry about finances when it comes to having a large family.
The same goes for child care; I have two nannies because it's the only way I found to be able to give all my kids the attention they need, especially since my youngest has health issues. Even without those health issues, 6 kids are a lot of work without additional support.
Finally, my husband and I were looking into adoption and surrogacy because pregnancy is hard on the body, so I had limited myself to having three pregnancies. We were lucky that we were able to foster-to-adopt our three children. But if we hadn't gone that route, adopting three more kids or hiring surrogates would have been very expensive.
Well, apparently SIL talked to BIL and shared what I had said, including the suggestion that they should maybe space having kids more to provide them with a higher living standard. Now he is accusing me of manipulating her and being jealous because I want to be the only one with a big family.
Here are some of the top comments from the post:
Amar_Akbar_Anthony20 says:
NTA (Not the A%#hole). You told her the truth instead of the rose-tinted version BIL would have preferred you told her.
"Now he is accusing me of manipulating her, and being a jealous b%tch who wants to be the only one with the big family." Why doesn't he want high living standards for his kids?
MaybeAWalrus says:
NTA. Your BIL very well knew that what you said was true, and it must hurt to know that his big family plan will probably not work because of their lack of money. They are just shooting the messenger.
Auntie-Mam69 says:
NTA. Normally telling people about your wealth isn't the best idea, but in this case, having such a high income IS how you manage to have six kids, and you were right to be upfront about it.
What do you think? Should OP have told her SIL that she isn't in the same position as her to have a big family, or was she right to tell her the truth?