'AITA for telling my sister 'I told you so' because her daughter hates her name?'
"AITA for telling my sister 'I told you so' because her daughter hates her name?"
I 32F have been having a bit of drama with my younger sister Ramona (30F) about her daughter Egwene (11F). yes dear reader that is her real name and is root of the issue.
Now I love my younger sister, and we've always gotten along pretty well, however she has always been into nerdy pop culture stuff, she plays D&D weekly, loves Marvel Movies and is obsessed with Fantasy novels. Her favorite as you may have guessed is The Wheel of Time series.
Now I know next to nothing about this series, but I knew enough to know that Egwene al'Vere wasn't a name she came up with on her own. When she announced that name there was a bit of confusion and disapproval from the family, but no one strongly pushed back on it.
That honor went to me. I tried to approach the subject calmly, I even gave her the "You're naming a human being" speech, but she said she knew best. After a brief back and forth I flat out told her, her daughter was going to get bullied. She blew up at me and I didn't push the issue any further because I could see that she wouldn't budge.
Fast forward and "Gwen" is happy healthy 11 year old girl, however she has been voicing lately that she hates her name. The teachers at school always get it wrong and her classmates tease her constantly. None of this is helped by the fact that Ramona insists on calling her Egwene al'Vere, not just Egwene or Gwen which she much prefers.
Well the two have been bickering a lot lately. Ramona has tried venting that Egwene won't shut up about her name and she doesn't know what she's gonna do about her. I kind of sarcastically said if only someone had warned you.
She asked what I meant. I said she named her daughter something stupid, and now she's facing the consequences. She said she doesn't know why she even bother coming to me and she should have known I was just gonna be a b. I told her if she would have put more thought into naming her child she wouldn't be in this situation.
Well she decided Egwene can't come over to my house anymore because I'm "putting bad thoughts into her head." She's also roped in our mother who agreed with me about the name, but said it was a low blow to bring up that I had warned her and that I should just suck it up and apologize. I don't think I need to apologize, but thought I should get an outside opinion. So AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Affectionate-Gas-150 said:
That's a child that is going to pay to legally change their name when they turn 18. If you want to be a good aunt, I'd look into, get all the info and paperwork, and the money for it for her 18th birthday.
snookz90 said:
Nope she had it coming. I understand liking a name from a fantasy book/movie or whatever else but she fail to acknowledge how it’ll affect her daughter in the future. I bet she will change her name when she turns 18.
BalloonHero142 said:
NTA. Kids aren’t billboards for a person’s fandom. Your sister is an idiot, and I hope your niece legally changes her name as soon as she turns 18.
Mysterious-Choice568 said:
NTA I would consider apologizing ONLY so that you can keep in contact with your niece. Please know you did nothing wrong. I hate the " be the bigger person" but there is a 11 year old girl who could probably use your support.
KindaNewRoundHere said:
NTA - idiots deserve to be told “I told you so”. Your mother is only shutting up now because she doesn’t want to be next on the banned list. Weak and no conviction at all. Lucky for your niece she can change her name to whatever she wants and ask people to call her whatever she wants. My MIL and her sister go by their middle names. Went to school with about 8 John/Jonathan’s, most used other names.
fly1away said:
NTA. Yeah you're gonna have to stop being honest with your sister. From now on you're in it for your niece, because she needs you. Fake apologise to your sister, so you can be there for your niece. It sucks but your sister doesn't deserve your honesty from now on anyway.
Later OP came back and added these edits:
Woah this blew up way more than I thought it would, I kind of wrote this just to vent. I appreciate everyone's input. I had a lot of good advice, a lot bad advice, and some downright weird advice. But I have come to the conclusion I am going to apologize to my sister for my timing and my tone.
But I won't apologize for saying Egwene is a bad name and will make it clear I support my niece over everything. A lot of you suggested setting up a fund for a name change if she wants one at 18, I think that's a great idea.
I looked it up and to file is about $80 in my state but I'm sure it'll be far more than that. I'm gonna set aside $200 for now and add to it when I can. Hopefully it'll be a nice little whatever fund when she turns 18.
To finish off I just wanted to answer some questions and clear up some things.
My sister pronounces her daughters name as "Eh-Gwen Al Ver-Ray" I don't have the slightest idea how it was originally intended to be pronounced.
My sister isn't ab^%ive or neglectful, nor do I think she's narcissistic. She is a responsible parent and loves her daughter deeply, she just has poor taste. I talk to my niece regularly and she usually spends the weekend at my house twice a month. she's never brought up any issues with her mom other than the name.
My niece's father was never in the picture, we have a few ideas of who might be the father, but my sister has never confirmed any of them.
I have never told my niece I dislike her name, I don't even mention it unless I'm sure she's not in the same building as me. I have told her that she doesn't have to like her name, and I'll call her Gwen because that's what she prefers.
I am a woman, there were quite a few comments calling me a big brother which I thought was pretty funny. I'm also a mother to a 5 year old girl to all the people saying I don't know how hard it is to be a mother. My daughter's name is Callie if anyone was curious, feel free to judge me lol.