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Woman tells sister-in-law that she isn't a 'boymom,' 'she has a bumper sticker.' AITA?

Woman tells sister-in-law that she isn't a 'boymom,' 'she has a bumper sticker.' AITA?


"AITA for telling my SIL that she isn't a boymom and she needs to stop her BS?"

It drives me crazy that she makes such a huge deal out of being a boymom. She has a bumper sticker, shirts, a sweater, she has #boymom on her social medias, she makes jokes about it a lot.

The issue is, she has a daughter. Specifically, a daughter and 2 sons. I am really sensitive to this BS because my dad only wanted sons and left my mom because of me. When he found out I was a girl he checked out completely and despite being in constat contact with my brothers, he has always hated me.

He never came around for my Bday, never cared about me, never spent any time trying to know me. Because I am a girl. And this broke my heart, and it left me open to a lot of predators. And I worry about my niece becoming like me.

So, when I see my SIL making such a huge deal out of her boys while ignoring her daughter it really breaks my heart. Her sons are awful. Like a typical #boymom she will not tell them no and she acts like they are little gods, so they are awful. Her daughter is very sweet, but she has started to act out, and I see why.

Her daughter gets no attention. She will even drag her gymnastics into the living room and yell "look mom" over and over she my SIL will be too busy helping her sons play Lego or something else.

Well, this weekend they were over again, and I noticed that once again she was ignoring my niece and cooing over her sons. I lost it a bit when my niece tried to show her something and my SIL snapped at her "whatever" then told her to go get a snack for her brothers out of the van.

My niece is 9 I do not know much about kids, but I don't think it is smart to send a 9-year-old out to get food from a van. I asked my SIL to speak outside and I told her that she needs to knock it off. That she is not a boymom she has a daughter. I tried to tell her about how my dad basically ruined my life from the start by hating my gender and how it has left me empty, but she got really upset and told me that I have no right to tell her how to parent because I am not one.

She said that my niece is the hardest child and that she struggles to be a good mom to all her kids, but my niece makes it really hard because she is manipulative and mean. She says I do not see the truth because I hate men. I lost my temper a bit and told her this is BS, that her sons are out of control and my niece has always been sweet but she has always been treated like a problem.

She almost slapped me and left and blocked me on everything (again) and is now saying she does not want her sons around me because I hate men. I don't think I was wrong, but I think my delivery was a mess. I don't know AITAH?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

CollectionUpset439 said:

NTA, but from one neurospicy person to another, you cannot change SIL’s behavior. No amount of words can make a parent want to be a good parent. The only thing you can do is limit the time you spend around your SIL.

Give your attention, love, and support to your niece. Reinforce that her self-worth is not tied to her gender or to her parents’ acceptance. When she gets older, let her know your story and how you persevered despite your father and his shitty beliefs. Be the adult that you needed when you were growing up, and your niece’s story will turn for the better.

Mouse-asaurous88 said:

Wow. I think that says a lot about their parenting. I also found it funny how she’s only “protecting” the boys from you. I feel so bad for your niece. NTA. Very sad situation.

Leahthevagabond said:

NTA - any time she posts Boymom nonsense on socials, comment that she isn’t a boymom, she has a daughter who she is neglecting.

RNGinx3 said:

NTA, but try not to ruffle feathers more than you already did. Your poor niece is going to need someone to love her, if they don't completely ruin her first.

Soft_Present_9561 said:

NTA. (From my judgy perspective) She is one of those women who hates other women, and then grows up to be those weird MILs that her sons’ future wives can’t stand, and who’s daughters doesn’t speak to her anymore.

Myay-4111 said:

NTA but you can reach out to your niece directly to boost her up AND you can call in others to help in this. The father, the grandparents, the other moms in the stands at cheerleaders events.

As for your SIL? She's an emotional abuser whose made her daughter the scapegoat and her sons her golden children. She's disgusting. And creepy. Can you imagine the gender roles being reversed and a man saying he's only a "girldad?"

Name it and shame it. Get your talking points prepared and then keep repeating them. Take a page from Maureen Dowd about Mitt Romneys dog he tied to the roof of the car on the family roadtrip. Make it part of every conversation. Make it toxic. Make it weird. Make it unforgettable. Make "Boymom" the badge of shame that makes her f--ing cringe.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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