Woman tells SO to 'get his own thing,' after he called her business a 'pipe dream.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband that he needs to do his own thing because I don't want him involved with my business?"
30F. I opened up my own business in January of last year. I was bedridden (tough pregnancy) and had zero income and I wanted to do something. So, I got in to re-sale. My husband at the time told me I was wasting my time and that it was nothing but a pipe dream and that I was "wasting money."
It actually caused a lot of fights in the beginning. But I stuck it out because I believed in myself and didn't really give myself the ability to fail. My kids even joined in with me! (3 kids from my previous marriage + a now 4 month old with my husband). But yeah, so he didn't believe in me at all, basically. He just saw me as wasting money.
Now, we have separate bank accounts and all of my product is kept in an indoor storage unit so my husband has never seen my product or known how much money I've brought it. I've been paying my portion of the bills and not giving any hints on what I've been doing.
I honestly (as childish as it may be) wanted to wait until I had a bucket load of profit and then show him. That way he felt bad for all those fights he picked with me over "wasting money."
But anyways, since I started the business I have a profit (so far) of $34k. I've only lost out (so far) on maybe $5k worth of product. Considering I started with a measley $500, I'm very impressed and proud of myself. I promote mainly on tiktok and have my own business account on there.
Well, my husband found the business account on tiktok and saw I had a following of around 400k (almost). He started asking questions and eventually it got to him asking how much I've made.
Well, I went over the numbers with him and now he's super interested in what I'm doing and tries coming with me and the kids on the weekends to do inventory and shipments.
Now I'm willing to admit that I'm just getting touched out by his presence within my business. Because now he's trying to get me to buy things that HE likes, not what the general consumer does. He's trying to change the way I do things by offering suggestions on what would be "easier". He's always right in the way and he's just stressing me out.
And now, he's saying that he wants to join in and basically use my tiktok account to promote the things he buys (which he wants me to do because he hates being on camera). I feel bad because I know it would be a way for us to connect over something profitable but like...I just don't want to.
My kids and I started from scratch and he picked massive fights with me over this but now that he sees I'm making money, he wants to use what I built without him so he can make money off of it. So, I told him he needs to do his own thing. Start from scratch like I did. Learn, like I did. Because I don't want him involved in what me and my kids built.
Especially not after picking all those fights with me and making me feel stupid (without an apology up until I mentioned it to him either). He says I'm blowing this out of proportion and that he just wants to be involved, and says he won't apologize for having his doubts and says I should understand.
But now that I've "proven him wrong", I should be willing to cut him in on it because it can be a "family" thing. I just don't want him to. This is me and my kids thing and I don't want him taking over at all or have any say on how we do things, which I know will happen.
ETA: it was MY money that started the business and only my money that went in to it. He didn't help at all.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Mountain_Cat_cold said:
NTA. You started this and you run this. It is completely fair and reasonable to want your business to be your space that you are free to handle how you prefer. Even without him picking on you about it, it would be completely fine. Stick to your guns.
Limp-Star2137 said:
NTA. You all need to reconnect in other ways, but this reminds me of the story where the wife became a florist (I think) and the husband did the same thing until he saw how much money she was making and wanted a cut cause she was using "both of their property's soil" and she said no. He just wants in on it because it's making money. There are other things you can do together. Good for you!
Fire_or_water_kai said:
NTA. It's awesome that you've been able to build a business like that! Bravo! Your husband is a manipulative AH. Now that there's money to be had, it's now a "family" thing? You needed his moral support in the beginning; That's where being family comes in. The very least he could've done was not be an obstacle and not put you down. Now he just wants to take over? Oh no.
Stick to your guns. He needs to reflect on his actions (I don't have high hopes, but hey, let's hope) and understand why you feel the way you do. Tell him that IF you want his help, you will ask for it. You're not jumping in on his job, so he needs to stay put of yours.
HeftyBlood773 said:
NTA. GET A LAWYER and make sure you protect your business. Make sure EVERYTHING and ANYTHING related to the business is in your name and your name ONLY. Tax documents, expenses, vendor accounts, you name it. If you're not paying taxes separately, they will also help you navigate the tax issues, which is where it's most important that you keep him off the business.
If you have a federal EIN for your business, make sure he IS NOT listed ANYWHERE as an officer, partner, or principal of the company. And make sure your vendors KNOW, IN WRITING, that your husband is NOT an authorized agent for your business and DOES NOT have decision making authority or capabilities, so if he tries to go behind your back you're protected.
Don't be surprised if and when he tries to divorce you over this. If you stay ready, you won't have to get ready.
emryldmyst said:
Nta. No. This is your business that he didn't support and was extremely negative about. Tell him no and stick with it.
noonecaresat805 said:
Nta. That’s your business. And your right he can do his own things. Besides it sounds like it would be a nightmare working with him because he would just be trying to take over.
WavesnMountains said:
NTA he disrespected you then, he’s disrespectful of you now. Don’t let him play any part in it, otherwise it’ll become a marital asset. By incorporating your kids into the business, you’ve also negated a claim that he watched the kids, which allowed you to do the business. You’re a smart cookie.