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Woman tells stepmom not to use same baby name; says, 'I picked it first.' AITA?

Woman tells stepmom not to use same baby name; says, 'I picked it first.' AITA?


Baby names can be a tense subject among family members, especially when everyone seems to have an opinion at Thanksgiving about the name 'Phoebe' because their 2nd grade bully happened to have the same name...

So, when a pregnant woman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about a name debate in her family, people were ready to help deem a verdict.

'AITA (Am I the As*hole) for telling my stepmom she can't use the baby name I've chosen?'

My dad had me when he was in his early 20s and my stepmom (Elle, 34F) is closer in age with me (25F). Both Elle and I are pregnant at the same time. She is currently 34 weeks while I am 32 weeks. We are both having girls.

Since I was a little kid, I wanted to name my first born girl, Elizabeth, after my gran who raised me while dad was in medical school.

My partner likes the name Elizabeth and we've decided that she will be called Elizabeth Katherine after both our grandmothers. We've also decided to keep the name a surprise.

However, Elle and Dad have recently announced the name for their daughter on social media using an embroidered blanket. She is to be named Elizabeth Gabrielle, but Lizzie for short.

Elizabeth after Elle's best friend (Beth) who passed away last year and Gabrielle after her mom who passed away 4 years ago. Elle and I had talked baby names and she had never mentioned using Elizabeth.

If I'm being honest, I'm upset by it. I picked the name first. It holds a lot of meaning to me. I messaged Elle telling her and dad to pick something else, anything else because I was also using Elizabeth and it will be confusing to have two Elizabeths especially given how close in age they'll be.

Elle told me that she wasn't going to move on this, that she wanted to honor Beth by naming her daughter after her. When I spoke to dad, he told me that they were naming her Elizabeth whether I liked it or not.

He told me that I was being selfish thinking I could decide who could use which names and for thinking that my reasoning for using the name Elizabeth was more important that Elle's. Dad also told me that as their daughter is likely to be born first, then they'll name her Elizabeth and I'll have to pick something else.

Elle has since told me I'm being an a*s and has asked me not to contact her until I apologize. AITA for telling my stepmom she can't use the baby name I chose?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this name drama...

Huge_Researcher7679 said:

YTA (You're the As*hole). Your reason for using the name isn’t any more important than Elle’s reason. You don’t own a name. And there absolutely can be two “Elizabeths,' especially if you give them different nicknames.

See every Irish family that has five Johns with various nicknames. Don’t tank your relationship your relationship with your father over something as trivial as this.

nifty1997777 said:

ESH (Everyone Sucks Here), OP the most though. Her Dad told her that she will have to change her baby's name too since his daughter will be born first. Now he may not have said anything if OP hadn't brought it up.

thewhiterosequeen said:

I understand you're upset, but YTA for telling her she can't use it. You can ask and mention your concerns, but telling someone they can't do something they obviously don't need your permission for wasn't ever going to do anything.

Swirlyflurry said:

YTA. You don’t own the name. All of these posts about someone “stealing” or “using” a name that someone else chose or wanted or thought of first or even already named their kid - get over it.

tan_sandoval said:

YTA. You don't own the name, this name is just as significant to your step mom as it is to you, and it's not like she copied you: she didn't even know you were going to use the same name.

Plus, there are like a million different nicknames for Elizabeth. You know which one they are going to use for their daughter, so just pick a different family nickname for your daughter and there will be no confusion. Probably, the girls will get a kick out of both being Elizabeths. Kids often bond over that.

ariesgal11 said:

Sorry but YTA. It’s not like she stole the idea from you. You didn’t speak up and mention it sooner so she didn’t know. She has every right to name her child something that honors important people to her just as much as you do.

The girls can go by different nick names maybe? I’m sure both of them won’t actually be called Elizabeth on the daily.

ThingsWithString said:

YTA. Speaking as an Elizabeth, there are zillions of us out there. They're so common that my mother-in-law and I not only had the exact same married name, but the exact same nickname. (Worked out fine; turns out that only my FIL first-named both of us.)

You shouldn't gatekeep any name, but gatekeeping Elizabeth is beyond ridiculous. She's going to meet hundreds of them in her life; that's the price you pay for a common name.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this expecting mom is 100% in the wrong for thinking she owns a very popular name. Clearly her stepmom also has an emotional attachment to the name and has every right to name her baby whatever she wants to. Good luck, everyone (and cheers to the two future Elizabeths).

Sources: Reddit
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