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Woman tells unemployed husband: 'good luck finding a thin supermodel girlfriend now.' AITA?

Woman tells unemployed husband: 'good luck finding a thin supermodel girlfriend now.' AITA?


"AITA for telling my husband good luck finding a thin supermodel girlfriend now that he's unemployed?"

I (46F) have spent the past 21 years in a very emotionally repressive marriage with my husband (50M). There always seemed to be something new that I fell short of. We have 6 kids together (19M, 17F, 14F, 13M, 11F, and 10M).

My husband had wanted 6 kids, and I wanted 4 at the most. I was made to feel bad about the fact that I had " made" him compromise with 5 kids, and our youngest son was a surprise baby. His LDS church family and friends looked down on the use of pain medication to " cheat" situations.

They said that the mother's body was built for natural birth, so my husband was upset I opted for an epidural with our fifth and sixth. He refused to consider any form of outside childcare for our kids, and insisted I do not work. I felt pressured to be the perfect housewife who never made the same dish twice in a week, ever.

But worst of all is the fact that after our first child was born I learned the extent of my husband's obsession with his ex. I'm medium height and have to work to keep fit. His ex was tall and rail thin, and they shared a love of skiing.

They broke up when she was 23 and he was 24, and he's always in conversation with friends, described ideal beautiful women as that 22 or so year old who is tall, super thin, and super athletic. When I told him to stop describing his ex as his definition of beauty, he'd say "Your inability to change your height is your problem." He asked if he should start claiming that Boise, Idaho is the best vacation spot ever, better than Paris and Milan because Boise's my hometown and we wouldn't want to hurt my feelings for the sake of objectivity now.

My husband was laid off in late 2020, got a job in May 2021. He was laid off from that job December 2023 and is having ego issues because everybody interviewing him is younger than him. I had the opportunity to provide childcare for 2 neighborhood kids but he shot the opportunity down, saying the money I'd make is insignificant.

I tried to help him manage his job applications. That's where the big fight happened- he ranted that there's no way a 36 year old knows close to what he knows about the industry. So there's no way he's going to waste time being interviewed by a mid thirties idiot recruiter.

And then he started saying that this would be easier if I had some earning potential. I was angry because he wanted a traditional dynamic and now this. I said it's funny he thinks a 36 year old knows nothing but that his ex, back when she was 23, already was this all knowing genius, not to mention gorgeous.

He replied that she at least has things to capitalize off of. I replied that I'm done- good luck finding his supermodel ideal as an unemployable 50 year old. He screamed " Thanks for kicking me when I'm down!" AITA? I've often asked him how he'd feel if I started obsessing about the CEOs of the world compared to him. He claims that's completely different and another projection on my part.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

PeyroniesCat said:

“Your age and unfortunate tendency to be laid off are your problem.” NTA.

ConcertinaTerpsichor said:

I think you know you are NTA, but I am more focused on what your needs right now. I think you need to find a support team to help you manage this situation right now. He’s verbally abusing you (and by extension your children.) He’s having an emotional meltdown.

Are you financially secure? Are you physically secure? Do you have an attorney? Do you have a trusted friend or counselor who can be a support and can help you figure out your options, short and long term? Life’s too short to put up with this guy’s nonsense.

newtonianlaws said:

NTA start taking online certification courses. Amazon has several. Get a degree. Start an online business. Get your own bank account and start paying yourself for the services you provide. Stop telling him what you’re going to do. With these type of patriarchal men, the best response is “I hear you” and then go do your own thing. If they ask “do you agree?” I’ve said it doesn’t matter, you’re in charge (for now)."

porkypandas said:

When you're safe and divorced (or at least out of his reach), the next time he compares you to his ex, I think a fabulous line to really kick him when he's down would be, "You're right, she is better. She knew at 23 to leave your sorry a$s."

bluebathtub44 said:

I hope you divorce him. Providing for 6 kids is hard but it’s easier than 6 kids and an emotionally abusive, financially abusive raging asshole misogynist of a man. Ppl brainwash women into thinking they are too old for anything after 25 but it isn’t true.

You can get an education, you can get a job, you can find genuine love, you can find magic and beauty in the world, you can build a good life. But it’s unlikely you can find those things in life being weighed down by a dirtbag like that. You’re only 46. This isn’t old. I’m rooting for you.

lettersforjjong said:

NTA, he's abusive and his constant belittling is a horrible way to treat your wife. And for whatever it's worth, I'm proud of you for deciding to get out.

Any_Coyote6662 said:

NTA - he doesn't love you. He is just using you as a dog to kick. You've been his slave long enough. You owe it to your kids to show what a functioning, happy single adult looks like. They have no idea what happiness looks like. They have no idea what it means to be an individual with proper boundaries. They only have the image of two dysfunctional people and of a very unfair power dynamic. Being a happy single woman will help show them what a real adult is and what happiness is.

Traditional_Curve401 said:

NTA. This is a cluster if I have ever seen one. OP please start working on building your skill set, locating free resources that can help you with the things you need for your kids, and some counseling or therapy to build your self-esteem.

If you're open to it, you could really be a voice of reason and truth by being a content creator to dispell this stupid ass myth of traditional wives living such wonderful lives and living happily ever after. Young girls and women are falling for this sh$t because of far too many grifters being out there. This could definitely turn into a revenue stream for you as well. Just a thought!

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this hopefully soon-to-be ex couple?

Sources: Reddit
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