Woman tells younger sister, 'your wedding is a mistake,' refuses to be her MOH. AITA?

"AITA for Telling My Sister Her Wedding is a Mistake and Refusing to Be Her Maid of Honor?"

I'm in a really tough spot and need some outside perspective. I (30F) have always been close with my younger sister, Lily (27F). We've been through thick and thin together, and I've always tried to support her in every way I can. But now, I'm facing a situation where I just can't stay silent.

Lily is getting married in two months to her fiancé, Mark (29M). Mark and Lily have been together for about a year, and from the beginning, I've had a bad feeling about him. He's charming and handsome, but there's something off about him that I can't quite put my finger on.

A few months ago, I found out from a mutual friend that Mark was spotted at a bar with another woman, looking very cozy. I didn't want to jump to conclusions, so I confronted Mark about it. He denied everything and said the woman was just a friend. I wanted to believe him, but my gut told me otherwise.

Since then, I've noticed other red flags. Mark is controlling and often belittles Lily in front of others. He makes decisions for her without consulting her, and she's become more withdrawn and anxious. When I try to talk to her about it, she brushes it off and says she's fine.

Last week, things came to a head when Lily asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I told her I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand by her side and watch her marry someone I believe is toxic for her. She was devastated and accused me of not supporting her. I tried to explain my concerns, but she wouldn't listen.

Our family is now divided. My parents think I should just support Lily and be there for her, while some of our relatives agree with me that Mark isn't right for her. Lily hasn't spoken to me since our fight, and I'm heartbroken. I love my sister and want the best for her, but I can't shake the feeling that this marriage is a huge mistake.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

DazzzlingBeauty said:

How many times have you seen/heard that Mark has been seeing girls on a bar? What other red flags have you noticed about him that leads you to a conclusion that he is not good for your sister?

Next time when confronting your sister, prepare proofs that will open her eyes to what you called "red flags." She will probably believe what you said when she sees it. Nonetheless, be there for her so whenever the situation turns to what you believe, she'll know you're there for her.

Laiselle said:

NTA, but you need to be careful about not alienating your sister. If Mark truly turns out to be the man you suspect him of being, your sister will -need- a support system that can help her out of it.

You can’t force her if she doesn’t want it or won’t believe it herself. You don’t have to sit by and passively accept what you believe to be a bad (and from what you’ve described, dangerous) decision either. They are not mutually exclusive.

Does your family know of the details you do? Have they been told about the suspicious outings, the belittling, the anxiety? Have you told them about it while using examples they’d recognize and could logic out properly with the right prompting?

Token_or_TolkienuPOS said:

As bad as it sounds to say but sometimes people need to be allowed to experience some things and go through them in order for their eyes to open. This is a tale as old as time.

Parents dislike a romantic partner but the son/ daughter refuses to listen, let them go ahead and experience it. Some people are able to wake up and run but unfortunately others are too proud / stupid / dependent to get out.

Go to the wedding as a guest and move on with your life. She's a grown woman and it's not your responsibility to guide her through life. NTA.

ncslazar7 said:

NTA. You should absolutely attend the wedding to support her, and tell her that regardless of your disagreement you'll always have her back. Not wanting to be in the wedding party is sad for your sister, but a personal choice that you're not an AH for. Frankly her fiance will prefer you not be in the wedding party if you don't like him.

Della-Dietrich said:

NTA - Being maid of honor means you are endorsing the marriage. I would still try to be close to your sister and maybe help with the wedding planning if she lets you, but you need to listen to your conscience.

th0ughtfull1 said:

NTA...but you need to prove it, then be there, ready to catch her when the fall happens.

EnderBurger said:

NTA. If you cannot support the marriage, you should not take an important role in the wedding.