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Woman threatens divorce after husband ruins her gender reveal party. 'I was scared for my life.' AITA? MAJOR UPDATE

Woman threatens divorce after husband ruins her gender reveal party. 'I was scared for my life.' AITA? MAJOR UPDATE


When this woman is upset with her husband, she asks the internet:

"AITA For Wanting To Divorce My Husband Because He Wants A Son?"

I(27,F) have been with my husband (29,M) for five years, married for three of those years. Our marriage was perfect and we were so happy. It felt like our entire life was perfect. Church on Sunday, loving husband, beautiful home, all of it.

A few months into our marriage I became pregnant and my husband and I were overjoyed and so was the rest of our family. My husband was especially happy after finding out our baby was a boy as he'd always told me he wanted at least one son.

I even started to try to attempt to repair my relationship with my mother so our son could have a relationship with his grandparents.

I had originally cut off most contact with my mother due to how she treated my brother when he married his husband, though my brother said he was alright with my decision to try to get her back in my life since he still has love for her and my baby was her first grandchild.

However our son ended up stillborn, and it broke me. I fell into a depression and even at one point considered taking my life, but my husband was there for me during all of it and we got through the grief. Our marriage felt stronger than ever and life started slowly feeling beautiful again, even if it no longer felt perfect.

About five months ago I found out I'm pregnant again, and then found out soon after that we're having triplets. My husband and I were over the moon and he was the most doting and loving husband. Since we had always said we wanted 2-3 children we agreed we wouldn't try for anymore children after this.

Because of our and our family's excitement for the triplets we decided to throw a baby shower and gender reveal party. We trusted my brother with the genders of the triplets and he bought some confetti cannons with the colored streamers inside.

The baby shower went wonderfully with my parents, in-laws, my brother and his husband and their daughter, and tons of friends and extended family. It was like a dream come true and I was so excited for the gender reveal.

I don't care what the gender of our babies was I just wanted healthy little babies, but my husband was clearly excited for potentially three sons. When the time came me, my husband, and my brother all shot a confetti cannon and all three shot out pink confetti.

I was so excited and so was my brother but my husband screamed at the top of his lungs and hit the table in front of us, hitting it so hard that it actually broke. He screamed at me that I was supposed to give him at least one son because I killed his first one.

That's when I burst into tears. I had been so broken up about our son's stillbirth and a part of me had felt it was my fault, and now he my husband was, the love of my life, telling me that it was.

My brother immediately stepped in and tried to get my husband to calm down but my husband shoved my brother, so my brother instead pulled me inside where I cried in the living room while my husband's mother tried to calm him down.

I could hear him screaming outside about how three daughters is too many, how he doesn't want four kids but he also wants a son. I couldn't believe my husband ruined our gender reveal like this. I was truly scared for my life.

Ever since that moment my husband has hardly talked to me. He's been sleeping in the guest room and when we do interact he's clearly upset and mad and tries to argue with me.

I tried to talk to him about it and asked about how he'll be with our three daughters, but he spat at me and told me he will provide them shelter and food but he isn't interested in daughters and doesn't plan to have a close relationship with them. That sealed the deal that I want to divorce him and I cried myself to sleep last night.

Earlier today I confided in my mother and MIL about all this but they told me I can't divorce my husband just because he wants a son. I don't want my daughters to grow up in an unloving household where their parents constantly argue and their father doesn't love them.

The moment my husband said I killed our son I felt as though I lost all love I had for him in an instant, and I don't want my daughters to be in that kind of household.

However both my mom and MIL say it's just natural for men to want sons and that at least he isn't saying he'll mistreat them. They treated this as absolute fact and acted as though I'm just a silly little girl who doesn't know anything, I felt incredibly small and stupid.

I don't know what to do. My mother and MIL make me feel like maybe I'm overreacting to my husband's behavior, but my brother says this is not normal as he and his husband are both men who absolutely love their daughter.

I'm also not sure of what I'll do with myself if I divorce my husband. I don't work and I'm not sure how I'll be able to find a job that can support me and three babies all on my own, or how I'll make time for all of them when I have to work. I feel so lost and helpless.

I'm torn on what to do because I worry divorce will be too brash of a decision and that maybe my mother and MIL are right. AITA? What should I do?

plastic writes:

WOW, friend, I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss. Please, get out of there ASAP. I mean physically get out of there, worry about having other people get your things later. Please ask your brother and his husband for help.

Firstly, even if this guy had a son, what kind of parent could he ever be? Can you imagine how that kid would turn out to be if his own father was such a misogynist that, now we know, even his own flesh and blood daughters couldn’t convince him to love them, women that didn’t birth him or give him a child?

And that he so easily turns on you? If you had a son, then a daughter, how would he ever treat her? Goodness forbid you have an intersex or trans child, how safe would they be from him?

Also his logic is fg flawed as hell. Babies are recipes put together by two people, and miscarriages and stillborns are resultant from the recipe not working out, full stop. There is no one or nothing to blame, it just happens sometimes and it sucks. The baby isn’t viable, has nothing to do with either partner.

I also DO worry about your high risk triplicate pregnancy in such a stressful environment, even if he doesn’t actually physically attempt to hurt you.

annang writes:

You absolutely need to leave. Frankly, given how violent he was at the party, I wouldn’t trust him around your daughters. And I might not even trust that’s safe to live in the same house with him while you’re pregnant with them. NTA. Please call a domestic violence shelter and ask about resources if your family is being unsupportive about it.

fratswoods8 writes:

NTA. I'd tell anyone who is saying you shouldn't divorce/be upset with your husband because he wants a son that you aren't divorcing him because of that! No no no!

You're divorcing him because he admitted he'll neglect your children together, has already shown he is violent and verbally abusive, and cares more about your children's genitals than their well-being or who they are! I would tell both women that if they are on his side, then perhaps they shouldn't be in your children's lives as well.

After all, they support his neglect and abuse. They're giving tacit support to his stance that your daughters are lesser than a metaphorical son. What does that teach those girls?

You raise valid worries about jobs and how you would care for all three children. It's so much easier said than done. Your husband would have to pay child support, which should help a little. I would also suggest talking to your brother and any family that isn't standing by your monster of a husband.

See if there is any way they can help, even if it's just helping you make listings to sell stuff you own (I'm thinking furniture you brought into the relationship or jewelry you don't need anymore).

If my sister were in this situation I'd want her living with me away from him and would be fine helping out where I could. Or at least would try to make her feel less alone. I'm so, so sorry this is happening.

illcatch8 writes:

NTA. He openly blamed you for the death of your first baby and blatantly admitted to only being willing to shelter and feed them. Absolutely unacceptable. All you need that man for is child support, which you can win if you can get him to restate what he has already said in text. the odds are in your favor even without it tbh.

Your mother and MIL are older women who have been trained by society to always tolerate whatever their husbands do. But that is no longer a necessity in life.

Making hard decisions will never be easy, but his words and actions towards you, and you knowing how you feel, you will never be happy or have the opportunity to be happy if you stay.

When someone shows you their true nature, trust them. Trust your gut, and give your girls the life they deserve. Much love and God bless.

heckno writes:

you would not be divorcing your husband because he wants a son, you would be divorcing him because he is abusive to you and has revealed that he intends to be abusive your daughters.

By divorcing him you would be protecting your children from his emotional abuse. How do you think they will feel growing up be ignored by their father? and have their mother complicit? They will feel worthless, maybe act out to get attention, any attention, even if negative.

Your mother and MIL believe he is not saying he will mistreat exactly do they think not loving his daughters and ignoring them is? it is abuse and it is mistreatment.

Also, he became so enraged at the fact he was having three daughters that he couldn't control his anger and broke a table and was screaming and verbally abusing you. If that is not a peak into your future with him, I don't know what is.

I bet they don't get college funds, because they are just girls, they need new clothes? then they should get a job, etc ....and god forbid if you had a son, he would live the life of a prince and your daughters would be second class citizens who will be treated as nothing more than servants.

Hopefully child support and alimony should help with the financial aspects.

justduckt0 writes:

NTA. It’s his “fault” you’re having daughters, biology tells us it’s his genetic contribution that determines sex and I think he needs to be reminded of that. Also you need to divorce him because 1) he thinks you did something to “kill” his son, and 2).

it will be damaging to your daughters to grow up in a house where their father clearly doesn’t like them. I would stay married for now, get a degree online, sort out child care, get a job, then serve him with papers where you have sole custody and he is on the hook for child support x 3 (plus spousal support depending on where you live).

I would talk to a lawyer soon to find out what you need to do to be in the best position going forward and when you divorce so you can know what to expect money wise from him and what steps you need to take.

Look into if you’re in a one party consent area and record any conversations where he talks about how he won’t be involved in the kids lives, about your son, etc. It’s time to be a momma bear and do what you have to to give your kids the best life possible.

I’d also talk to your pastor since you’re religious about your husband’s reaction and actions since then, if your husband is religious a dressing down by a church authority may smack some sense into him, even if you don’t want to try and salvage the relationship. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.

And now, OP's major update:

I didn't expect to have an update so soon, but after reading everyone's comments I decided to take action immediately and went to my brother's house. We talked for hours through the night and came up with a plan.

I am going to divorce my husband. He's shown the kind of man he is and I don't want to live in or raise daughters in that kind of environment.

I'm going to move in with my brother and BIL during all this. He and his husband have a nice, large house where I can have my own room and a nursery for the triplets.

I originally worried that perhaps myself and three babies would be overwhelming or a burden to him and my BIL but they assured me they would love to have us here.

I knew everything would be okay when my brother even offered to have a baby monitor put in their bedroom so he could help if more than one of the triplets woke up during the night.

My BIL has a nice, high paying job and my brother works from home, so I will have a stable environment and my brother will help with his nieces. My own niece is excited for us to live with her.

The current plan is I will live with my brother and BIL for a while and once my babies are old enough where I feel comfortable putting them in daycare, which my BIL has offered to pay for...

then I can try to find a job of my own where I can save up money and eventually move into a nice place of my own with my daughters. I'm so thankful for my brother and BIL, they truly feel like angels.

My brother and I are also going to go no contact with my mother. My brother and I discussed her behavior with us growing up, how she treated him when he came out and also got married, and how she's treated me these past few days.

We decided this was the best course of action as we've given her many chances in our lives to became more stable and kind but she's always refused them, and we want our daughters to grow up in with a loving family.

When I knew my husband had left for church this morning my brother, BIL, and I went to my house and got all my important things such as documents, clothes, and things that are special to me as well as all the baby things.

My BIL's mother watched my niece while we did all this. She's a kind woman and has offered to be a grandmother to my own babies, which I happily accepted. I will admit that I cried, I've cried a lot lately, but mostly happy tears.

Because my brother and I didn't go to church my ladies bible study group texted me and asked if we were alright and if we needed anything. I texted them back and told them the truth and what happened, and they were all horrified.

They told me they support me and are proud of me for taking action, and are now even planning a bake sale at the church to help raise money for me and my babies.

Also apparently when my husband went out to lunch after church with his men's bible group, one of the other members is husbands to one of my friends in my bible group and when he found out what happened he yelled at my husband so much that he cried. I got a little bit of joy out of hearing about that, not going to lie.

My pastor even called me and asked if I'm okay, and he let me know that I'll always have people who support me at my church, which I'm very grateful for.

After my husband came home from church and saw that most of my stuff was gone he blew up my phone, but my BIL called him for me and said that he would pay for my husband to get therapy for his grief over our son and also told him to leave me alone.

My husband has not tried to contact me since, and he has yet to give my BIL an answer for his therapy offer.

All in all I'm so grateful for my brother and BIL, I wouldn't be able to do any of this without them. I'm hopeful for the future and while this isn't the kind of future I imagined myself or my babies this is definitely the best one I can currently give them. They say it takes a village, and my babies will definitely have a village full of love and support.

Thank you and bless you to everyone who left comments supporting me. I'm grateful for all of them. I'm glad I could give you a very speedy and happy update.

What do YOU make of OP's story?

Sources: Reddit
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