Woman torn when 45 yo friend dates her other friend's son; Claims, 'It's natural. I used to breastfeed him.' AITA? MAJOR UPDATES.
When this woman is freaked out by her friend group and doesn't know whose side to take, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for not taking sides when one of my friends slept with another friend’s son?"
I(44) grew up with both ‘Emily’(45) and ‘Christine’(44). Emily has a daughter(21) and Christine has a son ‘Henry(20). Right now Emily is dating Christine’s son.
What makes this whole thing even weirder is that Christine had low milk supply and struggled with breastfeeding so at one point Emily breastfed Henry, who is now Emily’s boyfriend.
Yes, my friend is now dating and sleeping with a guy she used to breastfeed. ANd what's weird is Emily is like oh it's natural it's ok I breastfed him so what he was a baby.
Christine is pissed. Punched Emily in the face. Now I don’t know what the hell to do. Both of them are my close friends so I decided I’ll let them sort this out themselves but then Christine told me that by not taking her side I’m condoning Emily’s creepy behavior. I just don’t know what to do. What am I supposed to do now?
As you can imagine, readers FREAKED out. Before we give you OP's update, let's read some of their responses:
consistentspell writes:
Age gap is one thing. But dating someone you've know since birth, watching them grow, even breastfeeding, is predatory. He is practically her son/nephew. How is she not weirded out by this? Because she's been eyeing him for a long time.
She's a nasty woman with no respect, no self-respect, and I wouldn't be surprised if she has done inappropriate things to him in the past. Like "flirting" "of you were older".
agreeno writes:
what happens between two consenting adults isn't anyone's business but theirs
vargoroth writes:
Turn the sexes around. Suddenly the "she's a legal adult" argument no longer sounds as good, now does it? This is basically the equivalent of the sleazy middle-aged man dating a young chick. Nothing more.
plasticnatural writes:
I'd beat the brakes off that hoe. But since violence isn't the answer...here is a better one: You can't tell a person that they were too blind to see that they are being manipulated.
They will double down and you become the enemy to watch for. You have to provide information and let them think about it themselves.
See if she can sit with her son and watch some videos on grooming as well as other forms of abuse. Inform him of the how's so that he can decide for himself whether he is being groomed.
Don't be aggressive, be gentle like "I'm concerned and I just want to make sure that you know the signs of abuse as you start to get deeper into the dating world. Of course you know how I feel about your current relationship but this is not an attempt to break you up.
I've just realized that I have failed to prepare you for certain situations and I want the chance to do that now." Gotta make him feel like you aren't just manipulating him because remember, you are now the enemy to watch for. Well, your friend. I say this from direct experience, not with grooming but with other forms of abuse.
bloodynassasin writes:
Yeah... this isn't a cougar situation. This is robbing the cradle.
The friends who think it's ok are in a "you go girl" thought. Completely separated themselves from the thought of Henry as family.
Age gaps are bad enough because they deprive the younger person of learning the world with their partner. And in this case, he would likely never have kids.
Not to mention that he likely has been groomed for a while to not see her in a motherly fashion. It could be as innocuous as telling him for a while beforehand when dealing with secrets or responsibilities, etc.
"Don't worry, I'm not your mom." It could be as gross as intentionally behaving and dressing in a provocative fashion around him while he was growing up. It's only not disturbing if you can distance yourself from the reality of the whole situation.
motherducking writes:
She breastfeed him??? First off, the f? It wasn't the medieval ages 20 years ago?!!? We had pumps! Who the hell let's someone breastfeed their child outside of a zombie apocalypse situation?!?!?! Absolutely not necessary.
So gross. He's basically her Nephew. He grew up knowing her his whole life. Nothing is normal about that.
Is her daughter ok? Like was she also sexually abused? Because of she willing to f what is basically her own family, a child she BREASTFED, what did she do her own kid? The ick here is overwhelming.
Then, OP provides her first update:
After consideration, I told Christine I’m on her side. One of our other friends is also on her side but the two others are on Emily’s side and said that Emily has done nothing wrong since Henry’s an adult now.
This is just such a mess. Christine tried telling Henry that he’s been groomed but he wouldn’t listen. He refused to go to therapy. She is at a loss as to what to do next. She is distraught.
Readers were not happy with this response:
wilfr writes:
Emily may have been grooming him for a long time which will make it harder for him to see. If Christine can go back through sons messages, texts, emails and anything else then she may be able to find evidence of the beginning of this. If he was underage at the time she needs to take it to the police.
However, some readers had a different take:
funkyzebra writes:
As a bloke who, as a nineteen-year-old, once had a brief but intense relationship with a woman who was nearly forty at the time, I would say
"Go Henry. Get as much fun and enjoyment from this as you possibly can, appreciate it for what it is, don't expect anything in terms of a long term relationship, treat each other with respect and understanding and accept that it will probably come to an end sooner rather than later"
I knew exactly what I was doing as a young man, I made most of the moves, I didn't give a shit about the age difference and I had a blast. I'm pretty sure she did too.
All part of life's rich tapestry and I'm sure that when Henry is an older man, he will look back fondly at the time they spent together.
chembicycle writes:
Christian should treat her son like an adult and cut off his tuition if he is in school and have him clean out his room.
That way, Emily can not only f& a 20 year old young man that she watched grow up, she can support him as well- pay for his school, wash his dirty underwear, make his sammies- pb&j with a glass of milk, and when he comes home from party and barfs all over the bathroom she can clean it up.
Oh, she should start going out with his friends because I'm sure she would fit right in or does she just plan to keep him in the bedroom because she won't fit in with his friends and she just ruined her lifelong friend group by fg one of the children of the friend group.
She is worse than one of those insecure middle age guys going after college girls because she was in this young man's life as he grew up and she was supposed to be best friends with his mom.
Her insecurities and selfishness make her a danger to be around because she'll do whatever she wants and take whatever she wants without regard to others thoughts or well being.
And the adult son who is really not an adult if he is still dependent on mom and dad has now fd around so he should find out- no more tuition, no more roof over his head, no more mom washing his laundry because he claims to be an adult too so leave him to be an adult.
Then, OP provides this last update:
After reading through the comments, I realised that my refusal to take a side amounted to condoning what Emily did. So I went to Christine and told her she's right and I'm sorry for not realising this sooner. Christine said she appreciates it. She told me Henry refuses to listen to her and insists that he and Emily are in a healthy relationship. It's frustrating Christine a lot. Where do we go from here?