Woman tricks husband after she suspects he's stealing her medication. AITA? UPDATED
When this woman is annoyed with her husband, she asks the internet:
"My husband is stealing my medication so I tricked him. AITA?"
Since about June 2023, I've been having my pills become mysteriously missing out of my bottle. I've been anywhere from 10 or less short each month. I am prescribed 30 - and 10 mg pills of adderall a day. I couldn't figure out what was happening and didn't think my husband would do that.
But it consistently happened to me every month. 4 months ago I confronted my pharmacy and said they must be shorting me and the pharmacist said the amount is signed off and verified by two pharmacist including himself (the manager) before officially dispensing it into the jar.
He said I'd strongly suggest you look into someone in your home who is taking it from you.
I thought he was wrong. But after that, I started having them count in front of me at the pharmacy before I left the store. Each time, it was 30 pills in each bottle. Yet again, I'd bring it home and be shorted as quick as the next day when I recounted.
Last month, I decided to hide them in a different spot each day. Surprisingly, last month was the ONLY month they were not taken. Yesterday, I came home, and my husband knew I had just picked them up, and I stupidly left them on the kitchen table and took a nap.
He was downstairs where the pills were while I was napping. I verified the amount with the pharmacist prior to leaving the store, so I knew I had the correct amount. When I woke up, I realized they were left out and brought them upstairs and hid them.
I had not recounted them until this morning, and not to my surprise, there are already 3 pills missing! I confronted him for the first time, and he said, "Oh, u must have dropped them on the floor somehow." I said I did not. I had them closed on the kitchen table while I was napping. I said, "I know you are taking them."
Then explained to him how I've been counting them for months, and this pattern of missing pills now only leads me to him. He shrugged and said he didn't. But no real argument back because I feel like he knows he's been caught and can't put up a defense case against it.
My suspicion has also grown because last week we were on vacation, and he had a few glasses of wine and asked me if I would give him a pill. I said no and told him I needed them.
Side note : I am in nursing school and need the pills more than ever to focus. Without the pills, I have no focus and am extremely tired and unmotivated. He knows how in need of them I am. I feel so violated.
Prior History - He used to do ecstasy when we first met 13 years ago. He was doing it behind my back for years even after we had a child, and I honestly didn't know.
He would lock himself in another room and stay up all night and wouldn't sleep with me. He admitted the addiction and lies to me a few years ago. So there's that in terms of prior stimulant addictions.
What should I do? I just went into the bedroom, kneeled on the floor sobbing and staring blankly at the walls in utter astonishment that this was happening to me. Now here writing to you folks for advice.
If you read this all, thank you for hearing me out. I know it was quite long. You have a disability, but he is willing to forget that and make your education suffer so he can meet his own needs. Imagine if you were blind, but he stole your cane a couple of days a week.
Sure, you could get around generally by running your hands along the wall, but he's willing to watch you suffer while he plays around with your cane. 1/3 of your pills means that in the last six months, he has left you without medication for two full months.
Even more alarming, you're going to be a nurse: If you make errors in patient care because you could not be attentive, you may accidentally harm or kill someone. He is not only risking your education and career, his actions will likely put patients in very real danger.
I agree with everyone else- look after yourself (which means locking up your meds so you can access them when you need them), and demand he seeks addiction treatment. Do not take no for an answer.
Well said, I am saving your comment. Thank you so much for your reply!
OP aside from the many great responses you have received, you should also know that adderall for normal people brains is basically wank time. There is a porn stash that he’s been using with your pills most likely.
OP's Response: Wow, that makes so much sense. He doesn't sleep in bed with me either. He's had an issue with that stuff in the past when he was doing drugs behind my back. I bet that he's doing that again.
I thought this was odd too. Unless he's gaming and interacting with people online after taking it?
I wouldn't see ecstasy as a stimulant in the same way as other drugs like speed or cocaine though. I think it's actually classed as a psychedelic and I'm not sure it's addictive. Or that you'd look for stimulants to replace it.
OP's Response: I'm the OP and knew he had a porn addiction back then. I was thinking he took the ex and then would interact with virtual reality porn girls alone in the room was my thoughts when he confessed.
garagh writes:
I also want to add on that his actions could possibly have a cascading affect on your nursing career!
He could steal your medications and as a result it can impact your ability to provide safe and efficient nursing care. What if you’re short your pills and you make a small small error?
If you’re at home and you forgot you already let the kettle boil, it doesn’t have much repercussions if you boil the water twice.
But if you’re at work and you accidentally give Betty Smith the medication prescribed to Betty Smyth? What if she’s allergic? What if the time blindness makes it more difficult to keep track of tasks?
What happens when you forget if you switched the IV bag, and forget and check again. Double checking and doing your best to avoid errors becomes time consuming.
On top of that there could potentially be consequences if it comes to light that he’s taken your medications. If he lies now for self preservation, he will lie in the future for self preservation.
And what if his lies get YOU in trouble? What if he claims that his spouse, a nurse, willingly and intentionally provided him with a controlled medication that is not prescribed to him. How does this reflect on your nursing license?
Protect yourself and protect your future. Do what you can to keep meds safe. Ask the pharmacist to write official documentation of the situation so this creates a paper trail to support you if needed.
eleganytcotail writes:
So sorry. I'm really worried for you because I've seen this situation before. First thing you do for short term is buy a lock box for your meds. DO NOT SHARE THE CODE! Get a small camera to film the lock box/safe. Let him know this is what you are doing as a result of his actions. He has broken your trust, a cornerstone of marriage.
For your longer term needs, therapy for both indv and couples (al anon meetings for you too). Without him trying to own up and or ask for help, this would be a deal breaker for me. That just to get started tbh.
He has a history of addiction and is now lying and stealing from you, for months. Months that you know of at least. Lock your credit down. Gather your support system and let them know you need them.
So sorry and I hope the best for you. I bet you're going to be such a kick ass nurse, don't let this stop you from that dream!
bellawrtz writes:
It's critical that you take steps to stop the theft as you may be personally liable for their misuse. Right now, you need to start locking your meds. Take your meds with you to you pharmacy - they should have a lock box ($10-50) and/or a locking cap ($5-15). Both are very reasonably priced. Do not put this off. Do it NOW.
If you need to pills he stole, and he's not willing to give them back or even admit he took them, you are going to have to make some very difficult decisions. This is a drug crime and is very serious.
You should report this theft to the police. And I know this this difficult to consider doing. You should not claim to have given them to him - that is also a very serious crime. And it would have potentially a very negative affect on your future career.
You may want to talk with a lawyer specializing in drug crimes in your state to understand what your options are and how to determine how to deal with this. And you need to do all of this without discussing it with your husband.
I am so sorry this has happened and that you cannot trust your husband to not steal your meds or be honest with you. It's not about being in school. You'll need them just as much once you're working. And this this theft of a controlled substance. For me, this would be untenable.
And now, OP's update:
After all your responses, I ended up going thru his things and found out you were all right. I found something else that I never thought he would do but now explains everything perfectly, and you all called it.
He now had to admit to it. I told him to go get help and that I could file a report against him. As well as all the lies and distrust he has now broken. He broke down crying and pulled out the depression card.
Of course, you're depressed your lying, stealing, and doing drugs! Who knows what else he's doing. I currently have not spoken to him since confronting him this afternoon.
I am reading your responses on how to act and progress on my issue. It's not an easy leave as I have no parents or family nor a job. I am a full time nursing student. Thank you again.