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Potluck host requires only women to cook and refuses to let friend bring pasta salad.

Potluck host requires only women to cook and refuses to let friend bring pasta salad.


Cooking is inherently political. Couples can fight over it. Roommates might be passive-aggressive about it. You may just lose everything overtaking the last french fry that you were sharing with the table. On a popular Reddit thread on the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, a woman decides she's had enough of potlucks because of the people who show up.

AITA for un-rsvping to a party over pasta salad

Mel is head of the party planning committee.

My friend Mel likes to throw parties/get-togethers. She does potluck style. Everyone brings something to share. Then she takes care of the main dish.

OP is not a fan of Mel's work.

Her parties have become something I go to out of obligation more than for fun because I end up more annoyed than anything.

Mel adheres to typical gender stereotypes.

A few weeks or months ahead, Mel will make an event on social media and ask women to bring a dish, and 'men can if they want.' Then she wants us (women) to let her know what dish we're making, so there are no doubles.

I usually try to make something, porcupine bread or some side dish. If my boyfriend comes with me, I make two dishes because I don't want us to be one of those couples that bring one thing and he doesn't cook.

Potlucks attract Vultures.

There's this friend of Mel's, Claire. She always brings the most specific things: store-bought pasta salad, precut fruit, cheese, and a cracker tray. Whatever, I don't care about that. Something that bugs me is that she always asks for leftovers and takes TONS, including the stuff I brought.

OP wants dibs!

If I made two things of porcupine bread and one was still in Mel's oven (to keep warm) untouched, she just gave it to Claire. Maybe I'd like to take the food I made home? Not just give it to someone? Since it's leftover, shouldn't that be my choice?

Mark wants to be on the Food Network.

Then there's this dude 'Mark' who doesn't bring anything and acts like he's doing everyone a favor for eating their food. He's an opinionated jerk. He consistently critiques food; it's annoying. Then he has 3-4 plate fulls.

OP was out to prove a point.

So Mel has a party. She created the event and said I'd go (outside of these dumb events, I have fun with Mel). Then today, she asked what women would bring; I wanted to be petty because I'm sick of putting in effort when Claire and Mark don't and get more food, so I said I'd make a pasta salad. Claire said, 'Mel, I wanted to bring Pasta salad.'

Mel messaged me, asked me to bring something else, and named some previous more effort/expensive dishes I've made. I said no. I said, 'how come Claire always gets to bring pasta salad?' She said it because she didn't know how to cook. I said, 'OK, I'll bring cut fruit. '

Tell Mark to bring something!

She asked why I was like this, and I said that I was sick of putting in the effort to cook and other people that bring nothing or low-action stuff getting the majority, including my leftovers. And my food is constantly critiqued by someone that brings nothing. She said these things are about getting together with friends and sharing food, not keeping score.

Word travels fast out in the potluck community.

I said, 'fine then, I won't come.'

I guess Mel talked to two of our friends that go to these things, and they said I'm being immature and petty, and it should be about seeing friends more than who brings and takes what.

I'm sick of putting time, money, and energy into cooking something and having my food reviewed by a jerk and given away to someone I don't like. These events aren't fun since only three people I'm friends with are there.

AITA for un-RSVPing

leftyontheleft says:

NTA (Not the A**hole), if it was just about getting together, your offer to bring a fruit tray should have been acceptable. Why can't men bring food? Gross.

FlyBuy3 says:

NTA. This is not a friend group. It sounds like acquaintances who are happy to use you. I appreciate your social anxiety and irritation and would be equally miffed. I'd never had the foresight to lay it out to the host, though. I'd just ghost these get-togethers. Life is too short.

MistressLiliana says:

NTA. If it doesn't matter who brings what why are they b*tching at you for bringing fruit?

Sounds like these parties are pulled straight from a scene from Don't Worry Darling.

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