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Woman walks out of own birthday party when her friend turns it into a surprise 'intervention.' AITA? UPDATED

Woman walks out of own birthday party when her friend turns it into a surprise 'intervention.' AITA? UPDATED


When this woman is furious with her friend on her birthday, she asks the internet:

"AITAH For walking out of my birthday party?"

So didn’t think I’d (32f) be posting on this site so soon after my first but just needed to vent really.

So last week some of my old buddies from high school messaged me and said they wanted to get together and celebrate my birthday. I was at first hesitant because I don’t go out and hate parties especially for myself.

I usually just have a family gathering such as a BBQ and only invite my two closest friends. I used to be close to my high school buddies back in the day but obviously as we get older and more responsibilities we lose contact. All of us are in our 30s now and probably only message each other once in a blue moon.

My friend Cheri (31f) was the one to message me first and then was invited to a group chat where all my old buddies joined in and everyone agreed this’ll be a good little get together and for everyone to get re-acquainted.

I finally agreed since it’ll just be old buddies and I did miss everyone. Sadly my best friend wasn’t able to join because of medical reasons.

Anyway I went to my friends Cheri’s house and everything seemed ok. It was just a potluck with minimal alcohol, I don’t like drinking. But Cheri’s family seemed to be invited. It didn’t bothering me initially because I kept to myself and caught up with everyone.

As the party went on, I started to get uncomfortable as more people showed up and with alcohol but Cheri told me they were just going to hang in the basement and her family invited them over but decided to leave sooner than I was planning and told Cheri this.

I figured I was there for a while and needed to head back to the kids. I have two foster kids who my sister was babysitting.

Well Cheri flipped and said we hadn’t done presents yet. And I admit I love presents so I got excited. First eveyone started handing me packages and some I was genuinely thoughtful and I appreciated it.

But then Cheri handed me a box. I thought nothing of it but when I opened the lid and looked in. I slammed it shut and tried to discreetly move the box away but then Cheri grabbed from my hands and dumped the contents. It was filled with condoms and se% toys.

So the thing about me is that I’m asexual and I don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone. I had to go to therapy to learn this about myself and accept it as my normal. I tried dating and even kissed a guy once but didn’t feel anything. I let everyone know at the end of my highschool year and they seemed accepting.

They’ve been trying to set me with boys then with girls when that didn’t work out. I’ve been single my whole life and haven’t been intimate and I’m happy. I just need my family and my friends. It took me a while to accept this but I’m happy now.

But Cheri thought it wasn’t normal and convinced everyone that this was an ‘intervention’. All the people who showed up and went to the basement were people willing to date me.

And they didn’t mind that I was a butch woman. I’m a journey woman for heavy duty mechanics with short hair and I go to the gym often so muscles. So I panicked and I was angry.

I stood up, not saying a word, no one seemed to notice. Everyone seemed too excited to start introducing me to the ‘contestants’, their words not mine. And I just walked out.

Went home, called my sister and asked if the litttle ones can stay overnight. Was pissed when I got home so didn’t want the little ones to be in a bad atmosphere.

My phone was blowing up from everyone from the party. But just didn’t want to deal. Didn’t want to say anything from the heat of the moment.

This has been a few days ago, I still haven’t messaged anyone from the party. I blocked them. Haven’t told my family (they might agree with them and I’m worried)and haven’t told my best friend, her medical issues got worse and don’t want to worry her.

Just wanted to rant and maybe some advice on how to handle this mess. I live in a small city and don’t know anyone else who has the same lifestyle.

Before we give you OP's update, let's take a look at some of the top responses:

elixirday writes:

NTA, but tell your best friend. People with severe health issues often get excluded from events or kept out of drama because people “don’t want to bother them” or think they have bigger issues going on.

It leads to a lot of isolation and feeling of being kept apart from the only people they may have available to socialize with. It feels like living a half life and you don’t know huge parts of your best friend’s life.

You are probably also cutting yourself off from support, so this benefits neither of you. If she doesn’t feel able to participate in a deep conversation this time, though, I’m sure she’ll tell you, but don’t be the one to close that door first!

You are SOOOOO NTA for what happened, though. My sister is Asexual, and the idea of doing anything like this to her (or someone else doing it to her) is nauseating. I’m so, so, sorry that your sexuality isn’t being respected.

sweetinteriew writes:

NTA and none of the people that know you and went to the party are your friends and are not good people. Leave them blocked and never have anything to do with them ever again.

I would consider posting a comment to the group chat before im permanently blocking them all. Hopefully this will stop people trying to contact you or who will maybe try to approach you. You need to be blunt and clear so the can’t dismiss or minimise it. Something like

You have never been so wronged and hurt. That what she/they did was wrong on so many levels. Cheri May define herself purely by who she f*(£s but unlike her you actually like yourself and can fully decide whats right for you and you own life.

That she is clearly the one who needs to make changes in her life when she is so fed up, bitter and toxic life that she interferes in others. Let’s be clear none of what they did was for you she just thought she could use humiliating you to boost her own ego, oh what a saint of B!tc&es.

That what they did has shown none of them are your friends. That you will never speak or have anything to do with any of them again, so don’t bother attempting as nothing will change your mind. That at least they gave you one thing out of your birthday. That you are going into this year free of toxic people.

I am so sorry and can imagine with how many people she involved how mortifying it would be.

popularbas7 writes:

I'm sorry people you value don't accept you the way you are, but they're wasting their energy trying to change you. There's nothing wrong with you, and your sources of happiness are valid even if the people around you don't understand.

'Intervention' implies that your behavior is hurting you or the people around you. Which being Ace literally cannot. I would be mortified if someone publicly gave me sex toys or had an expectation I'd be willing to be set up with someone, let alone a literal basement of volunteers. Cringe.

I'm sorry someone you care about did that to you. I think Cheri wants everyone to see her as your savior or something. it was a performance for her ego or social standing, not really about you.

There are lots of Ace spectrum spaces online if you want to find community who will understand. We exist and we can lead full and happy lives without the nasty bodily fluid swapping. You sound chill as hell and I'd love to pet your dog and smoke with you.

mozzy2022 writes:

NTA sorry you went through that. What a shitty thing for these people to do. They’re not your friends anymore, just some insensitive people you used to know. Leave them in the past.

You do you, it’s fine to be asexual & good on you for going to therapy and learning about yourself. That’s wonderful of you to have created your beautiful foster family. You sound like you really have it together which is more than a lot of people. Chilling in the yard with the pups and a joint sounds nice. And happy belated birthday!!!

sailingaway6 writes:

NTA. AT ALL. Those idiots are not your friends. Cherie is the a hole for dismissing your sexual orientation and violating your boundaries and feelings. Who the f does that? You owe them nothing.

Side note: you have the biggest heart for fostering children! That’s amazing and a testament to the good person you are. Glad your sister had your back and kept the littles overnight. That was so good if you to not want the munchkins in a bad atmosphere (that was absolutely not of your making) You’re a great person OP.

And now, OP's update:

So thought everyone would like an update and maybe clarify some things. So a few days have passed and I’ve been keeping to myself mostly.

Taking the kids and dogs out for walks now the weather is warmer and I admit just kinda avoiding everything. I didn’t message anyone or tell anything to anyone, basically ignored my phone the whole time.

Then suddenly my best friend burst into my home and scared the crap out of me. Apparently she heard what happened and has been trying to call me but obviously I haven’t been answering.

She convinced the doctors to give her a day pass so she can leave for the day to check up on me so that made me feel more guilt.

My best friend sadly didn’t win the genetic lottery and has a number of health problems since she was 12 so her going and being in the hospital isn’t new and the doctors and nurses trust her when she feels healthy enough to leave.

So we went out to the back and I explained what happened and she was pissed. I then asked her how she found out because I was scared that what happened was spreading and others knew as well. But she showed me her phone.

Cheri apparently messaged her and starting ranting how my best friend Tia (32f) ‘stole’ her best friend and it was her fault I don’t hang out with her anymore. But I never actually hung out with her alone when we were in high school and I only really talk at school so I don’t know why she thinks I’m her best friend of all people.

We decided we didn’t want to deal with this brand of crazy and blocked her everywhere. I also took some advice and finally messaged the group and explained that I no longer wanted to be associated with people who thought they can change me to suit their own narrative and how hurt I was. Then promptly left the group.

Tia stayed the whole day with me and invited one other close friend, James (36m) who wasn’t part of the party to come over. And we hung out in my backyard while the kids played outside.

Also both james and tia told me some people of the group messaged them asking to talk to me and explain there side which I agreed.

Only three people of the group came and explained that Cheri told them that I was interested in finally dating and the reason why I didn’t date was because I was traumatized from my father walking out when I was a kid.

They thought they would go to the party for emotional support and didn’t think the rest of the events would happen. They even brought the thoughtful gifts I was given that I left behind at the party. I forgave them because I was closer to them and didn’t think they were lying.

But others from the party agreed with Cheri and thought I was rude for walking out and didn’t agree that I was asexual. So they’ll remain blocked.

My friends ordered Chinese and after the kids were put to bed we watched Avatar 2 and James even went out and got a small cake. So I know everything will be fine. Don’t need a ton of friends just the few I have is more than enough.

Also to answer one question I think I saw in one of the comments. My siblings are all supportive and know I’m asexual. I think my mom is a product of her time and just doesn’t understand.

She’ll make comments about how I’ll find the right one and I can’t wait to see her future grandkids and such but she doesn’t push it when I remind her it might not be biological grandkids.

Thanks for all the comments and advice. It’s been every therapeutic!

What do YOU make of OP's story? Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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