I (30F) have been married to my husband (31M) for 7 years together 13. We have a 5 year old together and live together in a very rural area next door to my family who watch our son while we are at work.
Since having our child he has shown to not be overly involved leaving a majority of the responsibilities to me for the first two years and then only being interested in outings and family gatherings since then with the exception of being frustrated or angry with them at what I feel are inappropriate times (ex potty training was a long process and after the 6 month mark I had to curb some shaming remarks and the occasional frustrated yelling) All this and more has lead to me feeling like the "married single mother."
After realizing the fact that our child isn't a top priority I quickly stopped fooling myself that I was a priority either I realized that a majority of our relationship has been centered around him, we do the things he wants, we go the places he wants, we go on dates that are based on his interests, he gives me gifts that are based more on his interests than my own.
If he wants me to do something even if I'm sick he will guilt me into doing it, if we have an argument about something he changes the topic completely or tells me I'm being too sensitive or making myself a victim.
Over all I've spent the last 3 years trying to get my relationship to work but now that I know he won't even put in effort for our child I don't have the energy or drive to do it anymore it's to tiresome being the only one holding a relationship together.
So for the ahole part. My husband is going to be best man in a wedding in a little over 2 weeks our child is also in the wedding party. WIBTAH if I broke things off right now? We would likely still have to cohabitate and I wouldn't go to the wedding if we split since it's his best friend.
This would leave my husband to take care of our kid during the ceremony and I could pick them up after since it's a child free wedding. If the scenarios were reversed I would have a very hard time being at a wedding but I also don't know that I would want it to drag on and after this Thanksgiving, Christmas, and our child's birthday all fall in line so it never seems like a good time.
Thank you for all the advice I will start getting my ducks in a row. I think the wedding has more suggnifigance to me and that j was projecting that he would have the same emotions. He won't. No I don't hate the friends and I will absolutely watch our child divorce or not, they are considered family to my child and I'd never ruin their day.
I don't know what to do about the living situation other than finding HIM somewhere to live our 3 closest neighbors are my dad. Step grandparents and a cousin so he would probably just leave if I found a new place anyway.
NO you wouldn't be but I would highly suggest getting everything ready paperwork and other living arrangements or if you are staying in your home - ( not sure who is on the lease or ownership) before you tell him.
Living with someone you tell you don't want to be with any more can be ALOT. They say you find out who people are when you live with them. That is wrong you find out who people truly are in a divorce or in moments of conflict.
The timing is less about things going on and should be more in the preparations you have made to be successful in your separation.
NAH. I don’t see how the wedding matters. There will always be things happening in both of your lives.
Talk to a lawyer and get your ducks in a row, before handing him divorce papers. If you aren't ready by the wedding, be too sick to go and let him deal with the wedding.
NTA rip bandaid off. this is the perfect time, let him go to the wedding alone so he can realize what a prick he is when he sees other husbands treating their wives well. if that doesn't wake him up, stay separated.
NTA. It sounds like this is long overdue. For your mental health & well being, the sooner you rip off the bandaid the better. Before you do that, prepare yourself: get all your paperwork in order, contact a lawyer, arrange to stay with your parents/ relatives for a week or so, get a new bank account, etc.
By the sounds of it, your husband is a man-child who is going to throw a tantrum. If possible have a friend or family nearby in case you need them. PS: The wedding is of no consequences to you. You may also want to reconsider picking up your kid afterwards. He can organise for a family member to do that.