Woman wants to 'sabotage' her brother's career; 'It's for his own good.' AITA?

"WIBTA if I sabotaged my brother's career?"

Me (26F) and my brother (24FTM) have always been very close. We get along fairly well usually. I have been working in a local library since the end of June. My brother works in a type of corner shop and absolutely hates it.

He can't sit down and is often lifting boxes so he hates the physical side and pain that comes from it. He also feels as though the supervisors are too nitpicky and bully him. He's miserable there.

My nan told me to look out for any job openings in the library and one has opened and now my brother has an interview. There's two issues though.

I don't believe he's suitable for the job. In every customer facing job my brother has had there's been complaints made against him by the customers for his attitude. He's not necessarily outwardly mean, but he is grumpy and often immature. People feel like their interactions with him are unpleasant.

He also can't do the other roles in the job. He avoids phone calls. I usually have to make his phone calls. He doesn't like to tidy (he'll do it reluctantly but not that well). He can probably be friendly during the interview as a front in order to get the job but I know he can't keep that act up during the job itself with customers.

He is trying to find jobs as a compliance officer but most require a driving license and he is doing his driving test in December. When he gets his license he'll be applying for those jobs.

This is more selfish on my part but I want this job for only me. My brother and I share the same friends, live in the same house, we do the same hobbies in the same places, we went to the same school and university, we have all the same childhood experiences, we visit my gran together 3 evenings a week, we volunteer in the same charity bookstore, we even have the same pets.

I felt like it could even be fun working together when he applied but now I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and as if I am not my own person. I don't really have anything at all that's just for me and only me.

We're always known as "The Hannas" (our surname). I want to carve out my own identity but I feel like always being with my brother in preventing me from doing that.

I'm thinking of asking him not to attend the interview, or to be honest with the manager and tell her that he's not a suitable candidate for the job. However, I feel like maybe that would be unfair and unreasonable. WIBTA if I tried to sabotage him or prevented him from getting the job?

Let's see what readers thought:

fa3rt writes:

YTA. This sounds like a pretty mean thing to do to someone you claim to be very close to.

kuroaku writes:

Honestly, I think it would. If he really isn't a good worker in the way you describe, with a bad attitude to people and shirking work he dislikes, then recommending him will definitely damage your reputation at work over time as he shows that he shouldn't have been hired.

It's difficult. If you are asked or if it becomes a topic of conversation I think if you blow smoke up your supervisor or manager's ass in support of your brother in ways that will be soon revealed to be not true once he starts working there, his behavior will drag your reputation down with his actions.

At the very least you shouldn't say anything positive that isn't true, even if you decide not to actively point out his negative points. On the other hand, if what you say is seen as you going out of your way to bad-mouth your brother that could lower your reputation in itself. You will have to handle this delicately, choosing your words carefully either way.

If you are asked directly you could try to give a kind of objective report while not trying to sound biased for or against.

You could bring up with your brother that you'd prefer he not get a job at the same place you work at, as you want some space to yourself, as much as you enjoy spending time with him in other areas of life.

It would be best if you could talk him out of going through with the application in a way that doesn't have him blow up at you. Only you know if that is a possibility.

hubertburent writes:

YWBTA. Just let the world take its course. He probably can't get good references from previous jobs (except his current one). I completely sympathize with you--it sounds really frustrating--but you really can't deliberately tank his chances.

If people ask for your advice on whether to hire him, say that you feel that you're too biased, and it's inappropriate for you to say anything about whether he should be hired. If you tell them not to hire him, you'll look bad. If you tell them to hire him, and he's his normal problematic employee self, you'll look bad.

fleee9 writes:

Going against the grain here, NAH. He's planning on moving on fairly quickly it seems, and he'd probably only be working there a short given the compliance officer interest timeline.

Especially if you don't think he'd be a good employee + a short tenure could reflect poorly on you if you want to make this a career. And I get wanting this to yourself.

Is this something you can have an honest convo with him about? Can he come to understand your position? If you still aren't confident, don't give him a recommendation.

okhnorr7 writes:

This is tough. It sounds like you have some valid reasons for not wanting to work with your brother. That being said, sabotaging his efforts would be pretty bad. In addition to possibly upsetting your brother, if your nan finds out, she would probably be upset with you as well.

Instead of talking with your employer, have a good chat with your bro. Think through what you are going to say first! Make sure you are coming from a place of love. Ask him things like What kind of job would he actually like... maybe you could help him find one that he would enjoy over working in the library with you...