Woman warns dad; 'It's either ME or your NEW family. You can't have both.' UPDATED 3X

"I made my dad choose between me and his new family..."

My father (52) and I (25f) along with my 3 yrs old cocker spaniel, Moxie, live in my mom's ancestral house that I inherited along with other assets when she died when I was 16 due to cancer.

My father got married to his high school sweet heart a few months ago while he was on a trip with his friends. Apparently they've been in contact for almost 2 years now. I was shocked but it his life and if he's happy then I am okay with it.

They moved in a week after the small wedding that I wasn't even invited to since I had no idea that they were even dating or that he was dating. She, my dad's wife that we'll call Steph (51), came with a baggage, I mean twin stepsisters (20f) Lizzie and Lexie (fake names) and their 2 chihuahuas, Gucci and Hermes.

They go to the state college nearby and thought that it would save them money if they live here instead of paying rent etc. My dad asked if it was okay and he also stated that the house is big enough for us (7 bedrooms, 8.5 baths, a basement and a huge yard with a pool). To make my dad happy I said yes, big mistake.

First issue was the argument of me moving to a smaller room since my room has the second biggest closest out of all the rooms in the house. She needed it to store all her luxury bags and clothes etc. I said no. I told her it's been my room since I can remember and she's not making me move when it's MY house.

My dad compromised with her that he'll give his side of the closet to her, while his things are in the other room. Second issue, the twins have this habit of barging in to people's room without knocking and that includes my office (currently working from home due to Covid). Lexie walked in one time wearing a bikini looking for something while I was in the middle of a business meeting.

She literally walked behind me where everyone could see her. I was pissed off and embarrassed. Third, their dogs are not potty trained and would leave poops and pee around the house and the twins wouldn't even clean up after them.

They're also very aggressive towards Moxie, I found Moxie one time with a scratch on her left eye where the other two dogs would usually nip at when they get the chance.

Fourth, all the family photos in the house were removed and put in the attic without my approval, that includes my grandparents', my great grandparents', my mother's family photo, my family photo, my baby pictures, etc.

I took my time to put them all back to where they belonged. This happened a few times. Two days ago, Steph did it again but this time she replaced them with her pictures, the twins, and her family etc.

Steph and I had a heated argument about it. I told her that she can't do anything regarding the decorations etc. in MY house without my approval and that her daughters should also learn how to knock on doors and have their dogs potty trained.

She said that they can whatever they want in her house and that she will be making up house rules that we will all follow since she thinks I'm such a wild animal doing whatever I want and that I was not raised properly due to having a bad useless mother. I was livid, that's an understatement.

I told her that she can pack her things along with her twins because I am kicking her out. She said that I have no right to kick them out from her house. I told her and I quote "Lady, you are living under my roof.

This is MY house. I inherited it from my mother and right now you, your twins, and your dogs are trespassing. Get out before I call the cops."

My dad got home early that day after Steph told him what happened. I told him my side of the story. He said that they're still getting used to the house and the move here was difficult for them. I told him about all the issues surrounding them, but he keep insisting that it's going to get better and that to just give them some time.

I told him that I've put up with all their shit and I've had enough. Enough is enough. He was defending them more, taking their side. So, I told him that he can either move out with them or stay and that he has until the end of the week.

Did I do the right thing here? Making my dad choose between me and his new family? I literally gave them a chance and I've put up with so much of their shit for the past few months. What she said about my mother was my breaking point. There's no way that she will disrespect her in the house where she grew up in, where I grew up in.

Before we give you OP's updates, let's take a look at some top comments:

liliram writes:

Wow this even has me heated. They can all go, honestly. These people are nothing but strangers to you. They disrespected you and your mother, in your home. It’s time to go & if dad is picking and choosing he can go too. This shouldn’t even be up for a debate, you’re suppose to come first. You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing.

foundag writes:

NTA. She was trying to act like she owned the house. No one has the right to take your pictures down. Her daughters dogs should be revoked if they’re to be let back in the house. That’s disgusting that they didn’t clean up after them. Your dad just wants to keep the peace which is understandable.

But please lawyer up. Because she might claim that you can’t evict her if she’s already lived there for a few months. Also lock your pictures and prized valuables because if she’s vindictive she might take or destroy them.

Also if they don’t move oust by Friday I’d get a locksmith and put all their stuff out. But u might have to have given them 30 days notice of notice to vacate. Ask a lawyer. So that they’re not allowed to come back in. Don’t put ur dads stuff on the street. But there’s I would totally.

fagnu writes:

Sorry that you are having such a stressful time. It is a huge ask for your dad to have his new wife and step daughters move in with you on what seems like very short notice. Especially when you hadn’t known that they were even dating and weren’t invited to the wedding.

I can’t even begin to understand what he was thinking with that one. Who gets married without telling their children first? Especially when you live with them. Then to have three adults move into a house that you own when you don’t know them well would also be incredibly stressful.

Your step mom seems to be proceeding on the move in like it was your father’s house not yours and as his wife she is the new “lady of the house” so to speak. This dynamic would only be exacerbated by the fact that her daughters are close to your age and so she inherently doesn’t see you as an equal.

It clearly isn’t working out to have all of you in the same house and so he and his new wife and step daughters should find another place. Be prepared for it to take longer than a week. I’d take it as a win if they made the decision to move out and started looking/packing within a week.

bluebirdbl writes:

I think you did great! Your dad chose them before you even knew. He got married out of nowhere without even telling you, had them move in like of it was his house and you didn’t live there … oh yeah, he’s so in the wrong here.

Very proud of you. I wish I’d the same clear sight for my own good. I gave my dad so much without realizing I was eating my time. Good for you

Update 1:

So, just a quick update. I've read the comments and thank you for your support, I really do appreciate it. It does make it seem like I'm a pushover, well maybe I am, I just don't like confrontation, arguing, or anything that ends up fighting with someone.

I'm just not that type of person. I will be changing the locks around the house as some of you suggested. Unfortunately, the gate in the property is old and rusted and it's been open for who knows how long, so I can't really do much about it right now.

Anyway, I called the same lawyer that handled my mom's will to review if there's any loophole or any chance that my dad can contest it. I will be seeing her in a couple of hours.

Regarding my dad, he's a good man and he's worked hard to provide for me and my needs when my mom died. He's never asked me to tap on my money to help with the living expenses etc.

He makes a decent amount of money as an engineer, like 6 figures, so I don't think he's after my money, I could be wrong though. I just think that he's blinded that someone still finds him attractive at his age, also didn't help how it was his high school sweetheart.

I've also talked to him about his impromptu wedding and how he kept things from me.

He just said that he didn't how I was going to react if I knew that he was dating the ex-gf before he met and married my mom. I was pissed off, but I got over it since he seemed happy having her around. I don't know what their whole history is or if there's a bad blood between her and my mom to make her lash out like that and disrespect her.

Steph and her evil spawns are staying somewhere in town. No idea where and I don't care or want to find out. They have the money to take care of themselves and if they run out, they always have their luxury bags to sell. Honestly, who needs so much bag that they require a whole closet just to store them?

If anyone's wondering where my relatives are.. well, my mom was an only child and grandparents left her everything. When my mom died, I got most of what she inherited, she left some to my dad as well. My grandparents' on my dad's side lives about 6 hours away with my uncles and aunts. It's literally just me and my dad here, and Moxie.

Moxie is doing well. She's happier and seem to enjoy the quietness around the house. I will update as soon as I can, but thank you for all the support.

Update 2:

I spoke with my mother's previous lawyer, Amy (fake name) about the issue on Saturday and asked if there's a way to contest the will. She showed me the documents and my and I both signed an agreement (in summary) that we agree on what was left to us and that we will not be contesting it in the future.

Mom for the win. She also advised to give them at least 30 days to find a place and move out to avoid any legal troubles etc. So, inheritance issue is solved.

Saturday night, I was supposed to have dinner with just my dad. Apparently a private discussion between father and daughter is a whole "family" affair. Steph and twins were there. To make it quick and to end the misery, I stated that I spoke with Amy regarding the house and other legal issues.

I also added that they have 30 days to find a place and move out. Steph tried to object, but dad shut her down by saying that we can fix the issue and that we can all go to family therapy and that we just need time to get to know each other. Cue my eyes rolling.

I informed him that it's been months since they moved in and not once did they try to be "family" unless they need something. I put my foot down. Enough is enough. So, I asked him if he's going with them or staying so I'll know which items he'll be taking.

He asked if I'm kicking him out, which I told him I'm not, that he's free to choose to wherever he goes but I told him that he should not expect me to keep in contact with him if he decides to leave.

Steph asked why I'm kicking him out of HIS house. I told her that I inherited MY house from my mother. She said that he told her that I live him, I guess she thought that I live with my dad in his house.

Big misunderstanding on their part. Lexie argued that it's going to be hard to move since they're finishing up Spring semester and that finals are in a couple of weeks. I just smiled and said to better hurry and find a place. I left after that.

Yesterday, Easter Sunday, I invited my boyfriend and his family and my two bestfriends over to celebrate Easter Sunday. My dad has been calling me and I didn't bother answering the call. He tried to invite me to spend the day with them.

As far as I'm concerned, the only family I have right now are my two bestfriends, my boyfriend and his family. It was a good Sunday, we did some egg hunting and a few games and had a big dinner, which I haven't had in a long time. I felt right.

Anyway, right now I'm finishing up on documenting everything that's worth over $500 in the house. I had a few people over to help document them. All locks have been changed. I only gave a copy to my bf (don't worry about my dad asking him about the key, he doesn't approve of him since he's "middle class").

I also hired professionals to install a security system around the house and property and I am scheduled to meet with someone regarding the fences and gate. I have not tapped into the fund that my mom left since I started college to help with tuition, dorm, and other expenses, but this is an emergency and it calls for it.

All the family pictures, portraits, etc. are currently in a storage. All other valuables that are small are in a safety deposit box. All documents are in a water and fire proof safe that requires a key and pin to open, currently in my room. I'm trying to take all the pre-cautions and advise that you guys wrote on the comment section in my previous post. Thank you for those.

So, that's about it for now. Not really sure why dad is choosing to be with them than me, his own flesh and blood. I'll update this if there's any news or something stupid happens, but I've come to accept that for some unknown or unexplainable reason, they're more important to him than me.

It's hard, since he's the only family I have left here, and I'm really not that close with his side of the family. So, once they move out, I am cutting contact with them. He's a grown man and he can decide whatever the f he wants to do with his life. Thanks for all the support and well wishes.

Update 3:

My e-mail has been blowing up regarding this and a lot of people were asking how I'm doing, what happened to my dad etc. So, here's the final update...

One of my high school friend is a real estate agent and I had her help find them a house nearby, about 15 minutes away after thinking through my decisions. I helped with the downpayment just to get them started, just so that they don't feel like I didn't help them etc. etc.

Regarding my dad, we had long discussion about the issue. He moved in with them but we decided that we would have dinner every Sunday night, just us two, and to celebrate any special occasions together. I did remind him that I can't have him or any of his new "family" in the house after his wife disrespected my mom.

I don't know much about their history and I really don't want to find out, but as far as I know and as far as I can remember, my mother was nothing but kind to everyone. She raised me to be that way but I guess she'll be disappointed in me after kicking them out, oh well.

He changed his will and added them in, but I advised him not to tell them -- been watching too much crime stories for the months and I'm just looking out for him. He did say he was proud of my decisions and that I've grown up well and strong and that my mom would be proud of me and what I have accomplished in life so far.

After that whole ordeal and after making sure that the house is secure etc. I went on a vacation with my bf -- well now fiance -- to unwind and relax. The whole issue took a toll on my mental health and it was a struggle getting back to I guess... being normal? Being my usual self.

Also, no wedding bells anytime soon, he's focused on his intern year up in NY pursuing his career in medicine -- wants to be a pediatrician. For all those wondering, he did sign a pre-nup, he was more than willing to sign it.

Also, my mom's side of the family had a big military/finance background, lots if investments and such. I could've followed their footsteps and joined the military, but my hand-eye coordination is abysmal, so that's why I work in finance.

I try to not depend on my family's money and learn on how to make my own money through investments, stocks etc. I did take out a little bit to do some remodeling in and around the house. Gotta keep it well maintained if I want to pass it down...

I think that's about it. My dad and I aren't exactly back to our old relationship, I don't think we'll ever get back to it, but we're... hmm... civil about the situation. I've seen Steph and her daughters around town a few times, but I don't acknowledge them, why would I when they took my dad from me.

So.. how do I close my previous thread? I'm not much of a redditor. Thank you all for your support and well wishes. It's been hard these past few months, but I am managing. Happy Holidays and stay safe and healthy!

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