Woman warns dad; 'I REFUSE to do any favors for your FAVORITE WIFE AND KIDS.' AITA?

When this woman puts her foot down with her dad, she asks the internet:

"AITA for not doing a favor for my dad and telling him I don't owe him or his favorite wife and kids favors?"

(F) After our mom died dad told me and my siblings (17m, 16f and 14m) that he was glad that part of his life was over and he was going to find someone he actually loved and wanted to be with and we better be ready because he wasn't slowing down for us.

This was 10 years ago. He met a few women before his wife of 9 years. They were together a few months before they got married and she was pregnant right away. Dad said he knew she was the one.

He was finally in love. That mom was his biggest regret in life. My sister would cry which annoyed dad. He'd say we should want him to be happy when he sacrificed his own happiness for us.

He's a better dad to the kids he has with his wife. He's there on their birthdays, remembers to buy them gifts, takes them out for ice cream, or for special time with him. He comes home earlier to spend time with them before they go to bed and helps with their homework.

He never did that with us even after he started changing. My sister and brother really wanted him to for the longest time. But I always knew he was a bad parent and that he wasn't going to change toward us. We always fought. He told me the three of us were born selfish.

That we wanted him to be unhappy for our sakes. I told him he basically dumped his issues onto three grieving kids and didn't give a f about what that did to us. I reminded him that my brother was only 4 years old when we lost mom.

Dad's response was that if I cared so much about them, I should care even more about my younger half siblings. I told him I didn't. I have told him that a few times since my first half sibling was born. In truth I never spend any time with the halfs or engage with them. It's me and my brother and sister and I put my time and love into them.

My siblings have reached out to dad and asked for him to love them and spend time with them but his focus is on the family he wants, his favorite family as I think of them. I don't think of them as mine.

Dad's wife and one of his favorite kids had birthdays a day apart. His gift for one was delayed/late or whatever and he wasn't going to pick both up on time (already a day late for one of them) so he asked me to do a favor for him and pick up one gift while he picked up the other. I said no.

He told me I could do a favor for him since he's my dad yada yada. I said no. The day came and went and I didn't get it. He freaked out and told me I was going to ruin the birthday. He told me I could have done a favor for him as we're all family. I told him I don't owe him or his wife or his favorite kids any favors.

I reminded him that he owed his kids being a good dad and he wasn't to the three of us so I'm not going to save his ass or do something that makes his favorite family happy because innocent or not they are not my problem. He said I was such a child. Then he got my uncle to say how disappointed he was that I acted so petty. AITA?

Let's see what readers thought:

hulupul writes:

NTA but your dad’s cruel behavior is monstrous and inexcusable.

By telling three children who lost their mother in childhood that their mom was his biggest regret in life, your dad’s words and treatment of you was abusive and neglectful, worsening your trauma and providing no empathy or compassion, which seems suggestive of a highly malignant narcissistic behavior pattern.

Telling trauma victims/survivors that their father regretted the beloved mother they lost also communicates to children that they are part of his biggest regret and basically that you ruined his life and he wished you’d never existed.

He’s the selfish AH. It’s possibly only a matter of time before this replacement family gets flushed too. At least they got some lovebombing and loving parenting from him rather than the abuse, neglect, gaslighting, and manipulation he seems to have dealt out to you and your siblings.

I’m glad that you’re looking out for your siblings and that you stay/are close. Your dad wants to f y’all over, abandon you, shame you, then guilt, manipulate, and exploit you.

He’s a bully and when his efforts to get his way don’t work and his projection gets no traction, he recruits his brother to try to guilt, judge, and shame you?! Similar personality types/enabler sounds like.

How dare your dad or your uncle try to pull that snowjob on you or your siblings. The best way to honor your mom is for you to decide, but I can’t imagine anyone with a heart would fault or blame you or your siblings if you decided to go NC with him. I’m so sorry, OP.

leechagahsk8 writes:

Gonna get downvoted but YTA. I get that your dad is a bad parent but is picking up a half sibling really that big a deal? Maybe be the bigger person and just do it? I don't understand. Why be petty like your father when you can do the right thing.

face3 writes:

NTA - Your Dad is the biggest louse of the year. The idea that he thought to tell 3 grieving children that he was glad their mother died and now he could get on with his life and marry another was reprehensible. I wouldn't have done squat for him either. You and your siblings need to work to getting away from this monster and cut all contact as soon as you can.

agpusa writes:

NTA, wow I have an ashole father but your's sure takes the AH of the year prize! I have deal with a bunch of shit from my sperm donor but your's is on another level.

You are in your complete right to deal with him how you must feel better for you and anyone who differs can eat a ton of sand.

I hope that you and your brothers can heal and be happy by going NC in the future with him. And that you 3 learn to be a happy full family together, trust me when I tell you, you don't need anyone else and things will get better in the future.