Woman warns husband; 'I don't care about your condition, you CAN'T leave your comfort sword on MY CHAIR.' AITA?
When this woman is fed up with her husband's anxiety, she asks the internet:
"AITA for telling my husband to stop leaving his comfort sword on my seat?"
Yes, I know how it sounds, but there's no other way of saying it. I (34 F) have been married to Husband (32 M) for about two years, together for five. Husband has serious anxiety.
He's on medication for it, and it works great. He went from having three panic attacks a month to having one every three months. Getting on medication was his idea, and I fully supported it. But it's not a miracle cure, and he still very much has anxiety.
I have to travel out of town for work every now and then, usually just for a night or two. We have a sofa in our living room where we sit together and watch TV/cuddle before bed. Every time I leave for a work trip and come home, I sit down in my spot only to yelp and leap up.
Husband has one of those wooden kendo swords (because we're nerds, not because we're accomplished swordsmen), and apparently when I'm gone, he keeps it next to him.
I asked him why, and he said it's for protection. He gets scared when he's home alone, thinking that someone is going to break in. He knows it's unlikely and also that a wooden sword won't really do much against a serious home invader, but it makes him feel better, and you can't reason with anxiety.
I said, "That's totally fine, I get it, but do you need it during the day or just at night?" He said just at night. I then pointed out that all he has to do is put it back before I get home.
Husband's counterargument is that he has very severe ADHD (he does; this is a fact), so he forgets all about the sword as soon as the "danger" has passed.
Also, I only go out of town maybe 4 nights a year, so it's not like this is a constant problem. I said that's true but also, since I don't stay away from home very often, I forget every time to check for the sword before sitting down.
And he could just prop it against the sofa instead of putting it on my seat. It's not sharp--it's not going to cut through anything. There are a million solutions here that don't involve me sitting on a random sword.
But thanks to ADHD, it is legitimately more difficult for Husband to remember things than it is for me, so maybe I should just make a note to myself and call it a day. It really does make him feel better. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought:
festiqq766 writes:
NTA. ADHD makes things hard for the person to remember, but not impossible. Just as a suggestion, he could create a "spot" for the sword so when he didn't "need" it, it could be put there.
Then, if it wasn't there, he could see that he left it out. This could also help you out, too, so if you came home, you could easily see that the sword was "in use", as it were.
showersing6 writes:
NTA - it’s understandable on your part. You should just have a shared calendar where you make an event/reminder for both of you to remove the sword on your arrival day lol
fecratuy writes:
NTA. An anxious person with a weapon. Yeah, that's not a recipe for a disaster.