Woman who earns more money than husband refuses to share groceries with family. AITA?
"AITA for deciding not to share anything I buy with my family?"
I, 26F, married last year. Me and my husband 25M, dated 4 years before marrying. I live with his parents and his brother 23M, which is a quite normal setup in my culture and I'm okay with it. Still, there are several things that I find strange in this household. It's been a year and I've come to terms with many things.
I earn somewhat higher than my husband and considerably higher than his brother. It has never been an issue amongst us as my husband and I meet ours and some of the household expenses jointly. Apart from his mother, everyone has a stable job but still, we both pay for half of the household expenses.
Over the regular groceries, I sometimes get some expensive items like saffron and expensive nuts which they rarely buy for themselves as they are used to lead much simpler lifestyle. Yet, their consumption pattern is totally different than mine.
They tend to eat and finish whatever is there in the house. For example, a packet of nuts which used to last me for several months will get finished in a matter of days. Most of the things are consumed by my brother in law.
My mother in law mostly serves these things to him in excess, which I can only guess is because she thinks that he doesn't have access to fancy things otherwise. I had mentioned this to my husband a couple of times that this kind of consumption pattern could be unhealthy but he always tells me that they have been doing it like this and they're alright till now.
Since I'm used to eating smaller portions and savoring things over a period of time, I don't get to eat much of what I buy. I recently bought an expensive protein powder which I offered to my brother in law once to try. I had it only once as I stopped going to the gym for a while.
I started exercising after a month and found out that the protein powder was long gone and he never thought about replacing it. Similar things have happened a countless time. Now I'm furious and I want to separate the groceries that I buy because I can only afford till a limit.
Although my husband thinks we can afford for everyone and it's a little selfish of me to think like that. He is a very caring and loving husband and I don't want to hurt him but I am losing my patience. Should I put my foot down and be or not be an AH?
EDIT:
Edit: I don't suggest separating everyday groceries and I never bother about who's consuming what as these things are very affordable. I only suggest separating the expensive stuff that I can only buy once in a while.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BulkyCaterpillar4240 said:
Keep the expensive items you purchase for yourself in your room.
Knickers1978 said:
NTA. If your husband doesn’t get on board with keeping them in your room, you need to decide what to do. Stop buying any extras. Yes, you miss out, but you really already are. Keep pushing for your special food in your room. Leave.
The last is only as a last resort, but if your husband and his family aren’t going to respect you, I’d suggest getting your own place, where you’re in charge of your own items, and if husband visits nothing leaves with him. They’ll miss your money, if nothing else.
RandomReddit9791 said:
NTA. You should be able to enjoy these specialty/expensive items that YOU purchased. Your husband's family is inconsiderate and greedy. They don't leave any for you and don't replace anything. It's unfair to you. It's not selfish to want to enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Hey-Just-Saying said:
NTA. Address this in terms of wanting to have it available for you to snack on and when you make it available for everyone, they don’t leave you any. Therefore you will keep some snacks separate to make sure they don’t get eaten by others.
Ok-Abbreviations4510 said:
NTA but ya’ll need to move out. It sounds like you can afford it, so do it. If you can’t then you need to scale back your contribution to the household so you can save. Every adult in the household should be putting their own weight. In the meantime, separating groceries is a good idea. Also, keep your expensive items in your room, preferably in a container that locks.
Travisoco said:
NTA, this is the exact reason I started eating super spicy food.