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Woman with violent sister tells mom 'never invite me to family vacations anymore.' AITA? UPDATED

Woman with violent sister tells mom 'never invite me to family vacations anymore.' AITA? UPDATED

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"AITA for telling my mom to never invite me on any family vacations anymore?"

TW: assault

I (29f) had a pretty big falling out with my sister (28f). When we were in university together, our parents would check in on her by asking me. She had this phase where she was partying and out all night. She accused me of being a snitch and was getting micro aggressive towards me as I told my parents the truth when asked if she was at home or not. Sometimes, I don't see her for a day or two. I told my parents to contact her directly instead as it was getting in the way of us living together in peace.

One night, she came home late while I was studying and said that she really wants to sleep. She kept turning all the lights off including my lampshade as I was reading and I kept turning it on. After I turned it back on the last time, the next thing I remember was that I was on the ground. She hit my back with a chair and I was pushed to the floor by force.

She then started banging my head on the floor and stopped when somebody started knocking our door due to the commotion. I was really taken off guard that I didn't have time to react. I didn't remember the pain but I remember being really wet. Turned out a had a nasty cut on my head and our neighbor had to bring me to A&E to get stitches and a head scan.

Because it's uni accommodation, somebody called our parents. Parents came and mom was crying. Conversation was a blur but instead of me going home with them, my sister did. I had to stay in the bloodied apartment on my own up until the next day when my eldest brother found out about it and decided to take care of me and help me clean.

It slipped from him that he skipped a family outing, my whole family except me and brother attended. And here I thought it was canceled because of what happened. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered that time, but looking back, how could they proceed to having fun in the beach 2 days after I was assaulted?

Since then, parents started actively trying to make us reconcile but she has never apologized. Once, I asked my mom to book a reservation and this really nice restaurant for my birthday dinner but I said that I was paying because I was already working then. And who did I find there? My sister.

I was about to go on a vacation with her and another auntie but I couldn't suddenly because of work. She promised that it was just the 3 of us. But who did I find on the photos? My sister. To be fair, I didn't know if she was included originally or as a replacement to my spot.

Mom kept trying to invite me on one vacation after another for years now. And kept lying that my sister won't come but it always turned out to be a lie. I already told her before not to force things. Last night I snapped and told her that I'm never going with them as long as my sister is there. And she has been calling me and messaging me that I'm unforgiving and hard hearted. I haven't replied. So AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Diroshco said:

NTA - Let me get this straight. Your sister assaults you and gets a beach vacation while you get to clean up the results of your assault while nursing a concussion and stitches. Everyone but the brother would be NC.I would not even show up for holidays. No one to nurse you back to health as far as parents. Your brother is the only one who puts your health and needs before a vacation. Nope. All done. I would have pressed assault charges. Sister or not.

Silly_Southerner said:

NTA. Your mother is cruel and as abusive as your sister, trying to force you to be around the person who could have killed you and has not ever expressed a shred of remorse. "I will not be discussing this further. She is abusive, and by your behavior, you are proving that you are too. As a result, I am done with this conversation, and with you. Further attempts to press the issue will result in the permanent cessation of all communication with you."

Own-Name-6239 said:

NTA. So what I am reading is that you are the bad guy for not forgiving your sister for assault, but your sister gets a pass for being not only an alcoholic but down right assaulting you as well?

Neonpinx said:

You have horrible parents and a terrible mother. Your mother is a massive asshole. You are harming yourself by believing her lies. Wild that you have continued to see your abusive mother for so many years. Too bad you didn’t press charges on your violent sister.

Please get therapy to help you see just how abusive your mother is and to help you stop being manipulated by her. Your mother simply doesn’t care about you. If she did she wouldn’t have rewarded your sister for violently assaulting you. NTA.

Otherwise_Degree_729 said:

NTA. You should’ve pressed charges for assault. I would go no contact with the whole family (expect your brother). They left you with head injury alone but they took your sister home. I have no words.

Strong_Drawing_3667 said:

NTA. Sister is a psychopath and mom is just a weak minded narcissist wanting to pretend everyone is best buddies. Just cut everyone but your brother off. They don't make your life any better

Future_Reporter1368 said:

NTA… your mom is disgusting! You. Need to go no contact with your mom. I can’t believe a mother would treat her child this way. I hope you can find a chosen family and leave them all behind. Except your brother, he sounds wonderful.

UPDATE:

Thank you for all your comment. As you have guessed, I came from a culture which believes that "Family is family." I actually have not thought about going LC or NC with my mom, well because she is my mom. But I think, I'm gonna do that.

For those asking how many times I got "tricked," thankfully just 2. One was my birthday, the other one was a really important family event, where I was promised that we were coming on 2 different times. I just stayed there for 30 minutes then left.

I'm not 100% if she's alcoholic alcoholic. I didn't really smell any alcohol the night of the attack but I remember being really stunned as I couldn't do anything to defend myself. She overpowered me a lot even though we had very similar body size. Honestly, I'm not mad anymore, I'm just tired.

Everyone was unanimously on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this family?

Sources: Reddit
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