Woman won't accommodate niece's allergy; sister says, 'You're COLD and SELFISH.' AITA?

When this woman is fed up with her sister ane niece, she asks the internet:

'AITA for not accommodating my niece?'

My daughter, Lexi, had her 8th birthday party recently. We invited some of her friends, and some family, including my brother, sister in law, and niece, Claire (6f). Claire has several allergies, gluten and dairy being the main ones.

For the party, I had pizza, chicken tenders, and sandwiches for the food. Chips, fruits and veggies for the side.

Vanilla cake for dessert. For Claire, I made gluten free and vegan Mac and cheese, bought gluten free chicken tenders from the store, and she could have the fruits and veggies and chips.

I got her a vegan and gluten free chocolate cupcake for dessert so she didn’t feel left out. At the party, Claire was upset that she couldn’t have pizza and Chick-fil-A like the rest of the kids and upset that she couldn’t have the “fancy cake”.

I tried my best to include her by getting special food and dessert for her, but my sister in law yelled at me afterwards for not just offering allergy free food and cake for the whole party so Claire didn’t feel as excluded.

I get why Claire was upset, she’s 6, she’s still a kid. But I am furious at my sister in law for yelling at me and calling me cold and selfish. My daughter doesn’t have allergies.

This party was for her. Most 8 year olds don’t want to eat dairy free and gluten free if they don’t have to. I told my sister in law that I went out of my way to try to make Claire feel included, and as her parent if she wants more, it’s her responsibility to provide it for her child.

I understand that it’s hard to have allergies as a kid and feel excluded (I had an allergy that I outgrew eventually), but that’s life and the world doesn’t revolve around Claire’s allergies. AITA?

Let's find out.

stoop writes:

You did accommodate your niece. Your SIL is an entitled parent. The entire world doesn't have to eat what her child eats. That's not how life works.NTA.

romga writes:

Well I would still extend the invitation because its not the niece’s fault her parents are not nice but I would always extend it with the caveat that they’re not going to

accomodate the niece more than they already have and if they have a problem they can provide more options, they can make a gluten free cake and gluten free pizza if that’s possible and of course have it available for everyone to share of course. NTA.

nhysta7y6 writes:

NTA. As somebody with food allergies I can tell you that not everybody will do as much as you did. You went out of your way to make sure that she would have things she could eat.

At some point in her life your niece is going to have to deal with the fact that she can't eat the things that other people eat. The sooner that that's normalized for her the better off she'll be.

Also you should change your title because you absolutely did accommodate your niece.

cr3gh writes:

You did a GREAT job of accommodating your niece.

Dairy free and Gluten free foods can be very expensive. It would cost a LOT to try to feed everyone the gfcf versions of all those foods. PLUS, if the child is not used to eating the gfcf version, it is going to taste funny to them and possibly cause some painful tummy gas.

You did it the right way. The parent needs to do a better job with the child and her expectations or she is going to be sneaking unsafe food and upset all the time.

kimared writes:

NTA. You went over and above in accommodating her. Anything more than that should have been anticipated by her parents who know her best, and they could have brought things as well.

Your SIL needs to kick rocks as far as her attitude will take her, and she owes you an apology considering that you absolute did think about your niece when planning the party, but to insist that EVERYONE eat gluten and dairy free for just so her daughter could eat all of the same things is ludicrous.

The 6 year old would have gotten over it if her mother didn't put on a whole song and dance ensuring her child will never be responsible for their own food restrictions.

I wonder---does she demand the school cafeteria only serve food that her child can eat so that she has the same exact choices as all of the other students? Does she insist the parents only make lunches that do the same? Life is not fair and she better start teaching her daughter to understand that.