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Woman asks if she was wrong to 'upstage' sister at wedding.

Woman asks if she was wrong to 'upstage' sister at wedding.


Upstaging the bride is a big no-no at weddings. It's not uncommon for brides to request no one wear white or any color from the wedding party.

Reddit user u/turkish_queen got booted from her sister's wedding after showing up in a silvery formal gown. Apparently, it was way too close to white for the bride's taste and she felt majorly threatened.

Now, this sister-of-the-bride is asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for 'trying to upstage' my sister at her wedding?'

She writes:

Okay so despite having some spats recently I (26F) was recently invited to attend my sister's (31F) wedding. Now I'm not part of the bridal party or anything, I honestly don't think I'd want to be but just going as a guest.

The rules my sister laid out were that it can't be white and it has to be a more formal type of dress, which I didn't mind and agreed to the rules. I had the perfect dress in mind which was one I wore to a friend's wedding about a year ago which I had still held onto.

For information, the dress is a floor-length silverish dress with a leaf-like design, and not too flashy or anything. So deciding it was better than spending more euros on a new dress I opted to wear it.

So jumping to the day of the wedding I show up in my dress with my boyfriend. Everything seems fine up until the reception afterward when my sister acts somewhat cold to me after I come up and congratulate her and her husband. My sister tells me that she doesn't approve of my dress and that it would be best if I left.

'I asked her what was wrong with it as it fits both requirements she had set for the dresses worn. She told me that it looked as if I was attempting to upstage her at her own wedding with my dress of choice.'

Not wanting to cause a scene my BF and I opted to not argue and leave. On the way out my parents asked where we were going and I told them the situation. They seemed conflicted with my mother agreeing that it looked like I was trying to be too showy at the wedding whereas my father agreed with me that it wasn't too fancy of a dress and my sister just seemed jealous.

Now I'm wondering if I am TA in this situation and need to apologize to my sister for it.

She added more info to plead her case:

Since everyone assumes that I am from a western family. My father is Turkish and my mother is Belgian. This was a traditional Turkish wedding where the bride wears Reds, limited whites, and golds. Traditionally at Turkish weddings, you wear formal clothing. Everyone else was wearing floor-length dresses and men in tuxedos.

Reddit users were divided on this one. Some say this gown looks way too bridal, others argued that since it was a Turkish wedding it was fine. The bride was obviously mad enough about the dress to kick her sister out of the wedding reception. What do YOU think? Team Bride or Team OP?

Note: There was a photo of the dress posted which has now been deleted.

From Commercial-Pear-543

YTA. So tired of people playing coy when they wear off-white dresses. That’s not appropriate for most weddings and you should have checked. Given you already seem to have bad blood with her, I’m inclined to think you knew this would upset her.

From FairyStoryLander

First of all NTA. It amuses me that all these Americans are here judging the dressing etiquette of a Turkish wedding based on their narrow American POV. In Turkish culture, along with many Middle Eastern and south East Asian cultures, guests are expected to show up all decked out at weddings (especially family members). If you don’t, it’s considered disrespectful to the event.

Everyone going YTA here has obviously never seen or been to a Turkish wedding. Only American brides are so egotistical that no one else is allowed to look nice at their weddings. In other cultures, guests go all out, and no one is accused of upstaging the bride.

From TieStatus

The issue is that the Turkish bride specifically said not to wear white, which means it was important to her too. The dress OP chose could very easily be seen as a wedding gown.

Honestly, she admits it was a maid of honor dress which would be fancier than a typical guest dress (and approved by the other bride). It would have been a safer bet just to send a text to ask for approval since how close this silver dress looks to white.

From BadgerVarious601

NTA. Is everyone missing the part where everyone else was in formal wear as well? Did we also miss the part where the traditional wedding colors are RED. She wore SILVER. You looked great and your sister needs to get over herself.

From mcapplez

It's silver over a white underlay, definitely way too bridal! YTA.

From Adventurous-Couple63

NTA! Unlike most people here judging, I'm from Greece and this is the exact kind of dress that is appropriate for a sister of the bride or groom to wear in weddings here. I also do not find it extremely fancy. I've seen waaay fancier dresses coupled with intricate hair-dos and extravagant make-up in weddings here. I'm guessing the standards for Turkish weddings are similar.

From​​​​​​​ jewelsandbones

Miss thang, you knew what you were doing with this dress. This looks like it was straight from a bridal catalog, and is definitely not appropriate without pre-approval. YTA, this seems like an effort to one-up whatever spat you were having with your sister

From​​​​​​​ cinnamongrits

That’s nowhere near a wedding dress. NTA. Brides are so stupid these days. They want to change every single rule but the “don't wear white bc I’m insecure and you will steal the spotlight from me” rule. Annoying. NTA.

From​​​​​​​ PearlButton

You look very lovely, but that dress was very bridal, and I’d be pissed if a guest (sister, cousin, friend, doesn’t matter) showed up to my wedding in it. It is a gentle YTA from me.

Unless, of course, you wore it because you were salty about not being in the wedding party and wanted to get as close to the bridal gown without breaking any of the actual rules - AKA malicious compliance. In that case it would be a major YTA.

From​​​​​​​ tupperwhore

NTA, the dress is blueish silver. It’s appropriate for sister of the bride. She was definitely jealous.

Sources: Reddit
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