'AITA for not wanting to babysit my brother’s kid anymore because of how his wife treats me?'
"AITA for not wanting to babysit my brother’s kid anymore because of how his wife treats me?"
My (28F) brother (30M) and his wife (27F) had their first baby a year ago. I’ve been helping them out by babysitting for free a couple of days a week since they can’t afford daycare, and I work from home. I genuinely love my niece, and I was happy to help out at first.
However, my SIL has always been kind of cold to me, and since I started babysitting, it’s only gotten worse. She criticizes everything I do, from how I change diapers to what snacks I give the baby.
She sends long texts with “instructions” every single time, as if I’m not familiar with a baby I’ve been caring for two days a week for a year. Once, I gave my niece a bath because she had a massive diaper blowout, and my SIL freaked out because I “didn’t follow her specific method.”
The breaking point came last week when I was babysitting, and SIL came home early. She didn’t even say hi, just started picking apart what I was doing. I finally snapped and told her that if she doesn’t trust me, she should just find someone else to watch the baby. She told me I was being dramatic and that I "owe it to family." When I told my brother, he said I should let it go because SIL is under a lot of stress.
I told them I’m done babysitting unless something changes. Now, my brother is upset, SIL isn’t speaking to me, and my parents think I’m being selfish. I feel bad for leaving my brother in a tough spot, but I also feel like I’m being taken advantage of. AITA?
For context, my SIL and I have never been super close, but we were fine before the baby came along. I do understand that being a new mom is stressful, and I’ve tried to be understanding. I’ve even gone out of my way to ask her how she wants things done, but it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never good enough.
I’m not a parent myself, but I’ve babysat other kids before and I’m pretty confident I know how to take care of a baby safely. I feel like I’ve been trying my best, but it’s exhausting to constantly feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
I just wanted to add that I didn’t stop babysitting out of nowhere—I told my brother and SIL a couple of weeks ago that I couldn’t keep doing it if things didn’t improve, but they didn’t seem to take me seriously. I really don’t want to cause drama in the family, but I’m at my wits’ end.
Here's what people had to day to OP:
NTA. You did a nice thing and your SIL decided that you’re the (unpaid) hired help and she gets to be your overbearing boss. That’s not a healthy “family” relationship, and her being stressed doesn’t mean you should just let her constant criticism go.
For your own sake, I fully agree that you take a step back and don’t continue your babysitting. Maybe if SIL sincerely apologizes and changes you could weigh your options, but even then you don’t owe her your time or servitude.
It’s wild how “family” is the go-to excuse for enduring disrespect; you’re not a doormat just because you share DNA.
Just because someone is stressed doesn’t give them a free pass to treat others poorly. OP was helping out of kindness, not obligation, and SIL acting like an overbearing boss is completely out of line. Taking a step back is the right call, and any apology should come with real change, not just words.
Brother and SIL should not have had a kid if they can't afford daycare. What would they have done if OP was not available? Find a way to pay for daycare, maybe? 🤔