Woman tells dad she'll never forgive him for giving her mom's jewelry to secret wife. AITA?
"AITA for telling my dad he's a horrible parent and that I'll never forgive him for giving my mom's jewelry to my stepmother?"
sourtangerinechan
It's a long post but there's quite a context that's necessary.
Growing up, I was a difficult child and was always rude to my mom. She passed away in Jan 2019 (I was 16) and i was quite honestly extremely broken, and couldn't forgive myself for the way I treated her while she was alive.
My dad had apparently been planning on remarrying and started seeing my now stepmother from the beginning of 2020. They got married in Dec 2020. The most hurtful thing for me regarding this was the fact that he didn't tell me about her.
I accidentally found out and had to confront him, and only then did he tell me he'd been planning on remarrying. I tried to get along with her, and be as nice as I could allow myself to be since I was still grieving.
Things didn't go well and we got into fights all the time because she was always trying to be in control of my daily life and be involved in my academics which I didn't feel comfortable with, since neither of my parents ever did that and I've always been independent and self sufficient with my education and career decisions.
They would only ever advice me. She would keep making comments like "you can't study such a difficult course, your dad should've chosen something easier and less expensive" and it outraged me.
Things kept spiralling and it got to a point where she would be jealous of the smallest forms or support or efforts my dad put in for me, with sarcastic remarks like, "i don't understand why you keep prioritising your daughter over everybody else in your life. It's like you can never love anyone more than her"
Note: my dad isn't big on affection or caring words, gets easily flustered or awkward with affection. I later found out that my dad and his mother gave her my mom's most valuable belongings including her jewellery, and they haven't even mentioned it to me.
I told him that I was upset about it and didn't want somebody else having my mom's belongings. He said those were bought with his money and that I'm not old enough to be worrying about these things.
The fights got worse and everytime she would blame me for wasting my dads money (I was literally telling him what outfit I want for my birthday). One time it spiralled out of control and she told me to never eat the food she made and asked me to get out.
My dad didn't stand up for me and only dropped me off at my friend's place for the weekend. I told him he's a horrible parent for not standing up for his child and letting his wife treat me this way, and that I'll never forgive him for giving up my mom's gold to her.
I told him I've never seen him respect my mom's opinions or wishes and that it won't change the fact that he was a horrible husband just because he supports my stepmother with all her opinions and wishes now.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
No-Addendum-4220
NTA. Your dad sure is one, though. Based on this math you are roughly 21 years old and you are "not old enough to be worrying about these things". You are an adult now, it is fine to go low/no contact with horrible people.
Hot_Box_4574
NTA. From what you've said here your dad had it coming. Best of luck to you and keep taking those hard classes! Despite what your stepmom says, I can tell you're smart enough for them.
friendlily
NTA. Your dad has grossly let you down, for years, if not maybe your entire childhood. He may be legally fine but giving your mother's jewelry to his wife was morally wrong and just tacky. And I can't imaging taking the jewelry of a woman who passed and left a grieving child.
Sounds like your dad and his wife deserve each other as they're both terrible. I'm sorry you're going through this. Please keep working really hard in school and build up a good life for yourself. Eventually you'll never have to see these people again.
VacationInevitable26
Is he legally fine?? I know that most states consider gifts given during marriage martial property, but if the jewelry was their mothers property prior to marriage and/or heirlooms then its possible that legally they belong to OP.
I'm not 100% positive though, you should consult a lawyer.... I'm lowkey hoping you can get it back.
Sorry- OP you should consult a lawyer.
GerundQueen
In the post it says they were bought with dad's money, so not heirlooms. Even if he bought them prior to marriage, it's most likely that after death, the person who legally owned everything was OP's dad. Very slim chance he did anything illegal. But he's definitely a grade A AH.
Stride101r
NTA, I don't know where you're from but where I'm from once a spouse dies, all belongings (unless stated in a will) go to the surviving spouse. Unfortunate, but such is the way of the law. I think if you are constantly butting heads with your dad's spouse then maybe it's time for you to consider other options, maybe you can move out? If not, then limiting interaction might work.
queenlegolas
Take your mom's jewelry and keep them safe somewhere away from them and just move out. Take everything belonging to your mom that's sentence to you and move. NTA!
shammy_dammy
NTA. Why are you still in contact with him?