"AITA for not letting my brother pay $25/day for daycare?"
I (33f, recently divorced mom) operate an in-home daycare with my sister. For the last few weeks, we have been caring for our 10-mo nephew, our brother’s son, with the expectation that my brother will eventually start paying us, including back pay.
We have cared for my nephew 14 days so far, about 4-7 hours per day. My brother wants me to charge only $25 per day, whereas we usually charge $60 per day. When I made a case that $30 per day is reasonable, he responded:
1. I am not a client, I am your brother and he is your nephew first off. When you and [ex-husband] were considering selling your home I was going to do 1% commission instead of 3% because you’re family, which roughly would have been about and $8,500 pay cut. [This was never discussed.]
2. I did pay hundreds for a daycare, and I have no problem doing it again. The difference is a daycare I know 100% I can always take my son there, with him going to y’all, we have to figure out a solution using leave hours anytime the house is down with sickness or y’all go on vacation.
3. I am compensating based on the amount of work you have to do for the 3-4 hours he is there, actually hourly it’s more than compensating. It is not my fault you chose a route where you don’t make a lot of money, but that damn sure doesn’t make it my responsibility to make up for it.
4. I think your mindset is a little twisted. You have the opportunity to see and build a relationship with your nephew and get paid for it separately where we don’t count toward your attendance. That is either $400-$450 a month for seeing your nephew or if you want to be petty it can easily be $0.
5. Y’all are the ones that said over and over again you wanted to see [nephew] more often and wished he would go there. I am not by any means strapped for money where I can’t easily put him back in daycare full time… but y’all wanted to watch him and I knew it would bring some extra money your way at the same time so should be a win/win.
Where you have it f--ked up is you think I need to take him there and you want to talk like he’s just another kid or I’m just another client. I’m not the one to be getting in a back and forth with.
If you want the money every month to see your nephew then you need to check yourself, or I’ll keep him the rest of this week and he will start somewhere else next week, I’m not here to play “you’re hurting my feelings games”.
Let me know, but this isn’t a back and forth. I thought it was a good way for him to spend time with his family and to put some money in your pocket, if it’s a problem already, just say so and I’ll gladly make other arrangements.
After that, I responded that I thought his message was entitled and disrespectful, and I think it’s best we do not continue a business relationship. My brother says I’m “entitled,” my mindset is “twisted,” and I should “say less.” AITA?
OP added this in response to common questions:
• My ex-husband and I never seriously considered selling the house. I floated the idea of using my brother as realtor for a hypothetical sale, but we decided not to sell long before there were ever any discussions on the matter. Commission was never discussed.
• I currently have the lowest permit for childcare in my state (Listed Family Home). With that permit my cap is 3 unrelated children, where family children like my nephew actually don't count toward that cap. But I am working hard to get my daycare fully licensed and expand to 12 spots so I can actually make a living.
As soon as I get the next level of permit (intermediate step on my way to full license), my nephew would then count toward the cap as many have pointed out. I am on track to be fully licensed a little more than 6 months from now.
• I opened the daycare e years ago in the middle of a hotly contested divorce/custody battle. When Nephew was born we suggested they use our daycare, but it didn't work out at the time because they lived too far away.
Brother and his wife recently moved closer, and Nephew's mom also recently expressed desire to consider our daycare again because Nephew wasn't happy at the daycare center they had been using.
Of course we said we'd be delighted to have him and did express that we wanted to see Nephew more (perhaps not in quite the begging manner as he portrayed). We should have discussed price before the transition, and that's on me.
Here's what people had to say in response to the OP's post:
OP you are running a business, and it costs money to do so. Offer him a 5 percent discount otherwise find a new client.
The argument for "but it's just $5" actually goes equally both ways...if it's "just" $5, OP should be able to let it go, but at the same time Brother should be able to add "just" $5.
Except she already gave him a 50% discount. So in this case it’s not “just $5” with her side.
NTA. You are doing him a favour not the other way around. I love that he’s tried to flip that on you. Here I’ll do you a favour look after my child in lieu of a kid who pays the full amount and relish the time he’s ever so graciously allowing you with your nephew.
Well bugger that. You did the right thing. If he has soooo much money then he can pay the full amount for daycare. I don’t know why he fails to realise whether it’s in your home or not. You are running a daycare. He made his bed. Now he can lie in it.
"If you want the money every month to see your nephew then you need to check yourself." Not only would I say no to baby sitting for your brother, I'd go low/no contact for a while for your own sanity after this BS statement. This is a service. A service where you charge $60. You're already giving him a $30/day family discount. NTA, he can kick rocks.