'AITA for telling my dad his new wife is not invited to my wedding? He gave me an ultimatum.'

"AITA for telling my dad I won’t invite his new wife to my wedding?"

When I was 14 my dad told my mom he’d been seeing someone else. No warning just the usual we fell out of love line. He left a note and moved out within a week. That woman is now his wife. They married less than a year later.

I never forgave him. I never accepted her. The pain didn’t just hit my mom it hit all of us. He dropped a bomb and disappeared. While he built a new life we were left to survive the fallout.

I watched my mom fall apart. She barely ate cried herself to sleep whispered apologies for things she didn’t even do. I made dinner helped my little brother with homework learned how to grow up faster than I should have. The man who used to make pancakes on Sundays didn’t even call me on my birthday.

Now I’m 27 getting married. I told my dad he could come but his wife isn’t invited. Not out of spite but because that day is about the people who stood by me when everything broke. She wasn’t part of the healing only the damage.

He flipped. Said I was being childish and punishing him for ancient history. Gave me an ultimatum invite her or he won’t come. I told him that’s his choice. I’m not bending. He says I’m disrespecting his marriage. But what about the respect he owed my mom when he walked out. When he left her to raise two kids alone. What about the respect he owed me.

My mom still flinches when his name comes up. I won’t ask her to sit across from the woman who replaced her while she was still grieving. I’m not going to rewrite history just to make him comfortable. Now he says he’s not coming. That he won’t feel welcome without his wife. But if he wanted to be a part of my life that badly maybe he should have fought harder to stay in it.

I’m not asking him to fix anything. Just to understand that not every wound gets patched up. Some still ache. Some things don’t get rewritten with smiles and handshakes. AITA for protecting the one person who never stopped showing up for me?

What do you think? AITA for not inviting her dad's wife to her wedding? This is what commenters had to say:

tessalacy said:

People love to cry ancient history when they’re not the ones who lived with the fallout lol. Your pain is valid asf. NTA

OP responded:

exactly, It’s only ancient history to the people who didn’t have to live in it. I’m still dealing with what came after

TheRealRedParadox said:

NTA good for you. And honestly, I would own the shit he’s saying. “You’re disrespecting my marriage!” Eff yeah I am, get bent.

Impressive-Aioli6802 said:

NTA you handled the situation as best as anyone could . He should be grateful you even offered him an invite to the wedding. Hopefully you go LC/NC becasue he doesn't seem to care to be in your life honestly

Chance-Animal1856 said:

NTAH. He didn't deserve an invite anyway

ProfessorDistinct835 said:

NTA, but I honestly can't believe he's still in your life at all - you might reexamine that. He sounds horrible.

Also, have security at your wedding.

And kindaright-ish said:

Tell him you learnt all about disrespecting marriages from him. At least you have the balls be honest about the past and how it impacted you, your mum, and sibling while he's living in a fantasy land where its all ok now because its in 'the past'. He's made his choice, and it wasn't you. Let him sit with that. NTA.